How far along? 25 weeks & 3 days

Baby Size: Cauliflower

Total weight gain: 10 lbs but I wont know for sure until my next appointment which is on Monday.

Maternity clothes: YES! Maternity clothing is extremely comfortable. Although I tried going up a size with regular clothing that did not happen and it got me upset. LOL!

Stretch marks: Nope just an old stretch mark but if I do get some I will welcome them with pride. Heck once this little man is out I will have a memory forever.

Sleep: Still hit or miss

Food cravings: Fruit with lemon and chilli powder. Especially now with this weather getting warmer.

Best moment this week: Possibly passing my glucose test. They said no call means good results either way I'll know for sure on May 7th.

Miss anything? HA! No! After everything I am embracing this pregnancy while it last.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not lately. Woohoo!

Gender: A little future NFL player (mommy dreaming)

Symptoms: Acne (surprisingly its clearing up thanks to a new product Im using. Post about it later.) Swollen ankles. Ravenous. Exhausted by the end of the day.

Wedding rings on or off: On but I am sure with the heat coming around they wont stay on much longer.

Happy or moody most of the time: Extremely overjoyed that I'm even in this position and I thank God everyday for sending our miracle our way.

Looking forward to: My first BABY SHOWER!! I know its fairly early but family is flying down from Cali & possibly driving to see my grandparents who are going to be here from Mexico. Perfect time to have it plus weather is beautiful.(Hoping it doesn't rain since it tends to just pour at random.)

I never imagined that I would be writing a post on NIAW while expecting my first child. After 5 long years of trying naturally plus fertility treatments, it was hard to believe that I would finally be a step closer to becoming a mother. We are 1 and 8! I am not ashamed to say it or speak about it with strangers. Being open about our struggle has given me the opportunity to spread the word that if you are struggling you are never alone. Infertility is such a taboo in human society that everyone seems to act oblivious to what's going on around them. I encourage you to be open about your struggle even if its anonymous. Someone will find comfort in your story giving them the strength to keep fighting to achieve their goal.

Throughout our journey I have met so many wonderful, amazing women who understand the pain, confusion, frustration, and weirdly the excitement that comes with infertility. These women have helped me get through every obstacle that was thrown our way. Even after they achieved the ultimate goal, becoming pregnant & having a healthy bundle of joy(s), they continued to provide support and encouragement. As odd as it seems I see infertility as a blessing in disguise. Its hard to imagine when you are first starting this prolonged journey but trust me when I say this journey will shape you into a different person. You just have to make the decision if it will be a positive or negative change.

Infertility will always be a great part of me even if I have a successful outcome. I'm not the same person I was before I started this journey. Its easier to see true beauty all around us. Yes you are going to run into people who don't know what to say or say all the wrong things! Be their advocate educate them and move on. Hoping that the next person that crosses their path struggling with infertility will be treated differently. If we don't speak about it out of embarrassment or fear then who will?

WE ARE NOT ALONE!

How far along? 23 Weeks & 5 days (when picture was taken)

Baby Size: GrapeFruit

Total weight gain: 7 lbs (according to my last appt)

Maternity clothes: YES! Although i still fit into some of my pre-pregnancy tops I prefer to wear maternity clothes because shirts are longer.

Stretch marks: Nope besides an old stretch mark on my right hip. J seems to think i will end up with stretch marks. It will be interesting to see if I do since both my mother and grandmother didn't get any.

Sleep: Hit or miss. Depending how my bladder acts.

Food cravings: Lately its been pastries in the morning. (sigh) When everything seems bleh! I seem to enjoy cut up apples with lemon.

Best moment this week: J finally feeling our son kick away. He still finds it odd that I'm growing a little person inside of me but thinks its amazing what our bodies can do.

Miss anything? Absolutely nothing! I love being pregnant and I enjoy all the symptoms that come with it.

Anything making you queasy or sick? No, I have food aversions here and there but nothing to major.

Gender: A little future NFL player (mommy dreaming)

Symptoms: Acne (all over forehead, chest, and some on my back.) Exhaustion. Swollen ankles (this symptom depends on how much I walked during the day and what shoes I'm wearing. I tend to walk around at every break & my lunch to get some activity and if I dont drink enough water my feet swell up. Ravenous.

Belly button in or out: In. My mother said her belly button never popped out so she doesnt think mine would either. So far its just becoming stretched.

Wedding rings on or off: On but I am sure with the heat coming around they wont stay on much longer.

Happy or moody most of the time: Extremely overjoyed that I'm even in this position and I thank God everyday for sending our miracle our way.

Looking forward to: J finally painting the nursery. He has been working on the old guest bedroom little by little. Yesterday I helped him tape everything up so he can start painting.

Happy Friday everyone!! Hope you are all having a fabulous day today. I know some of you are off from work today and I totally am jelly of you right now. Wish my job would give me a three day weekend.

Boo! Well yesterday was my monthly ultrasound with the MFM. This appointment had to be the quickest one yet. The receptionist told me if I came in at 12:45pm I would be out in a jiffy since its right after lunch. Their office is about 5 minutes away from work so I was also saving on my sick entitlements. I ended up using an hour could have used less BUT I decided to stop by my old fertility clinic afterwards. I just can't leave em alone! Lol jk! One of my favorite nurses is leaving since she is getting married this month. She will be moving out of town afterwards so I won't get to see her anymore. (Tears) Nurse W was with me at every transfer. She always found ways to keep me calm, smiling, laughing, etc. True story: my bladder was super full one time and they kept making me laugh I was surprise I didn't pee on them. We definitely became close during my time in RMA that I will truly miss her. Besides I also wanted to see my other favorite nurse. She has also been there from day one of our IVF journey. Didn't matter if it was the weekend or 10:00 at night she would answer my questions/concerns. At every transfer she would leave what she was doing and go see me before, after, and sometimes during my transfer to wish us luck and say some prayers. These two ladies really held my sanity together. Everyone at RMA were super sweet and supportive that I considered them my second family. Unfortunately Dr B was busy with patients that I didn't get to see her. I'm sure they will update her on my bump status. Apparently my pictures deceive how small my bump really is. Bahaha!

Any who, like I said I got to see my little man yesterday. He is the most amazing little thing to me that I can't help but fall in love with him every time I see him. During the ultrasound the technician mention baby was breeched. As soon as she said that a bulb went off inside my little brain. No wonder his kicks have been lower than usual! I love it when he kicks even if sometimes its uncomfortable. He was being lazy while we were watching him. As soon as they wanted to listen to the blood flow of his umbilical cord or placenta he would kick the wand/object thing. (Whatever it's called). The technician didn't say anything she was a quiet one. When my Dr came in she was able to show me more details on my handsome boy. With no fail when she tried listening to the blood flow he started kicking it again. They were strong kicks too! She couldn't stop laughing and said he didn't want her listening. At the end of the day she said baby looked fine. He is growing right on track, guess what? His head was finally measuring the same as the rest of his body. No more big head!, he is weighing exactly a pound according to their measurements. Something told me he was the reason I gained a pound. Haha!

I was a bit sad I couldn't record for J. Who makes these rules? These are memories people!! J agreed to go to my next appointment since he hasn't seen our son for two months already. I believe the last time he saw him was at our selective gender ultrasound we paid for. That was at 15 weeks. He's constantly asking about what he looks like because our pictures don't really show much detail.

Our little man was yawning away.

I officially determined he is going to look like mommy. Take a look...

My cousin and I are about 3 months apart. We grew up like PB&J. When I sent him the picture of me sitting on top of the car he assumed it was him lol. I told him all though I look like a boy the original picture I had in my hand showed that I clearly had earnings on. 

Am I being biase? Or does he have my nose? We will know for sure in June when we get to see him in 4D. Unfortunately I don't have any baby pictures of J. We have like two but they aren't the greatest. I'm going to ask my mother in law if she happens to have some stash somewhere. He doesn't think so but u never know. 

On another note...J has been getting out at his regular time that we get to go walking to the river. Poseidon, our adopted pet, loves it! He doesn't get to roam freely since J is afraid he will leave/ get lost. Seeing the lovely green grass and beautiful flowers is amazing. 

Our lovely niece decided to join us that day. She looked shorter than usual next to Poseidon. Bahaha! She's 5 but fits into 3T sometimes 4T clothing. I think it's adorable! For a little thang she can talk. 

Well that's all for now folks. Hope everyone has a good Easter Sunday!

How far along? 21 weeks 1 day. 

Baby Size: Bok Choy (looks like spinach) according to my Ovia app the bump was going backwards and I thought it was dumb.

Total weight gain: 4lbs (I'm assuming will know more on Thursday)

Maternity clothes: I was tired of using the maternity band so I bought some maternity pants/shorts this weekend. No regrets!! Best invention ever!!!

Stretch marks: My right hip has an old stretch mark but rather than that none.

Sleep: Intermittent. I don't think I've ever slept through the night even before becoming pregnant. Smh!

Food cravings: Nothing in particular anymore. My cravings come and go...and they dont tend to stick around much. When its hot I want slushies, ice cream, etc.

Best moment this week: Everyone at work finding out I'm 5 months pregnant and seeing their jaw drop. Apparently I don't look 5 months or pregnant for that matter. Did i eat a large meal that wont go down? BUT the most exciting thing was seeing my stomach move when little man was kicking away. Now my jaw dropped at that moment but J was like, "I told u I saw videos of this!"

Miss anything? I don't think I ever will I love being pregnant.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope

Gender: A little mini J

Symptoms: Acne (all over forehead, chest, and some on my back.) Exhaustion. Fainting: I fainted over the weekend at the store. It was scary but I was glad my mom was with me. I completely blacked out and when I woke up I was on the floor. Spoke to my OB about it but he said sounds like my blood pressure dropped since I didn't eat or snack since the morning. Baby boy has been moving constantly since it happened so we know all is good. Lesson learned packing snacks in my purse from now on!

Belly button in or out: In. My mother said her belly button never popped out so she doesnt think mine would either.

Wedding rings on or off: On but I am sure with the heat coming around they wont stay on much longer.

Happy or moody most of the time: Relieved that my little man is doing well after my fainting spell! Always happy because he's an active baby.

Looking forward to: Seeing my baby boy on Thursday. Also my cousin is flying in for Easter Sunday so that should be fun.

How far along? 20 weeks & 2 days. Finally starting to show although people haven't asked I guess out of fear. LOL! 

Baby Size: As big as a Banana (Which personally I think a mango weighs more than a Banana)

Total weight gain: 4lbs

Maternity clothes: Gave in to work maternity pants! They are amazing!!! I still fit in to my jeans with the rubber band trick so no hurry there.

Stretch marks: My right hip has an old stretch mark but rather than that none.

Sleep: Intermittent. If nightmares don't wake me up then I sleep fine. Once I'm awake I need to pee lol!

Food cravings: Apples w/ peanut butter!! Amazing! Who says no to peanut butter?? 

Best moment this week: Feeling my little man move more consistently. It feels weird but I love it! Can't wait til they get stronger. 

Miss anything? Absolutely nada!

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not anymore which is great.

Gender: A little mini J

Symptoms: Acne (all over forehead, chest, and some on my back.) 

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or moody most of the time: Over the moon every minute of the day!! 

Looking forward to: J feeling our son move, although I know it might be a couple more weeks. Also my next appt on April 2nd!! Love seeing him grow. 

Infertility has a way of changing your life in every aspect. Your perspective starts to shift dramatically. On occasions you start to become resentful, bitter, jealous, etc. It makes you go through so many mood swings that you start believing this is the new you. Maybe I'm speaking for myself and you never went through these motions.

My parents have always raised us to be religious. As I got older my faith became less evident. It seemed as if I tucked it in my heart somewhere and wouldn't pull it out unless I needed something. Once we were labeled infertile, or I simply realized I wasn't getting pregnant at my age, my faith started declining tremendously.  It felt mildly strange since I was raised to have faith but here I was struggling to find it in my situation. When I started blogging I quickly found blogs that talked about faith & hope. With every post I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Little did I know that I would seek God more than ever.

My journey as you can see hasn't been rainbows and roses. We've been on a roller coaster of a journey to get to where we are. Even now we are still not out of the woods. With every day, hour, minute that passes by I give him thanks for allowing me to be here. If you have been following along then you know this pregnancy hasn't been easy breezy. My first trimester was, in my opinion, scary and uncertain. After experiencing losses it was harder for me to fully accept that things would progress as they should. Due to unexplained bleeding my doctor and I decided it was best for me to go on leave from work to reduce my stress level. Once I was almost out of the first trimester I was able to return back to work without worry.

During my leave I reminded myself that my son was the seed he promised me after my second miscarriage. Even though I continuously prayed I searched for a response from him. Don't we all? Little did I know he had plans to answer me in his own way. 

At work I tend to be an introvert. Not purposely I suppose but out of habit to keep people from knowing too much. I've never been secretive about our struggle conceiving BUT I also don't go around telling everyone at work. So when my co-worker started a conversation with me I confessed I was pregnant. She's not someone I usually talk to or have had a relationship with. I found it extremely odd that she made the effort to stir up a conversation with me. She offered her maternity clothes to me and told me to take care of myself. During our mini conversation I did confess why I was on leave. This conversation happened last week on Friday, I believe? Any who, today I kindly asked her about her old maternity clothes if the offer was still open. Once things were said and done she confessed she had a message for me. God has been pushing her to give me this message since the day I came back from leave but she was hesitant to tell me due to not knowing if I had faith. Apparently she didn't want me to feel weird if I wasn't. She told me I would know instantly what it meant. My heart sank when I heard the message she had to give me. If I wasn't at work I probably would have started crying. The message was relayed to me in Spanish so I will translate it the best I can. 

"Dios dice que no temas y ten fe que todo va estar bien. Confia en el y pon todo en sus manos. Acercate mas a el y pide con todo el corazon el escucha." 

"God says not to fear have faith everything will be ok. Trust in him and leave everything in his hands. Seek him he is listening and ask that you pray with all your heart." 

Why has this message spoken a thousand words to me? I'm out of the first trimester. My pregnancy seems to be progressing as it should is it not? Yes, yes it has and I am truly grateful for that. So what's the deal? After extensive blood work my MFM has decided to discontinue my lovenox. She strongly disagrees that I should be on it for the rest of my pregnancy. My OB also agrees I should discontinue it. I expressed my concerns numerous times with no avail. My MFM assured me baby and I would be monitored closely. If she were to see a change in his growth or my blood flow then she will put me back on it. My OB says there's a possibility I would be back on it during the third trimester. This situation had me quite nervous that I refused to stop it until I saw/spoke to my OB. Once I did he was better at calming me down and giving me the courage to stop it. During this time I was feeling my little man move occasionally. Every time I needed a reassurance I would lay in bed, rub my belly asking him to please give mommy a peace of mind. It never fails that he truly listens to me and starts showing me he is still doing well. Although his movement isn't consistent or strong enough I know he is there. Which always puts a smile on my face.  

You may be wondering why I am writing this post. My reasons are to let you all know God is there even if you can't see, feel, hear him. He is always looking for ways to show you he is there you just have to listen. He did not only give me a peace of mind but he also gave me a new friend. Someone who I can turn to when I am feeling uncertain. For that I am grateful!