Seeing Red

My heart sank when I saw blood when I wiped. It wasn't a smudge or spotting IT WAS FULL ON menstrual bleeding. I freaked out and called J to bring me a pad. Tears were not present at the time or for the rest of the night. I was numb. Confused. Why does this keep happening? J was even more confused, he couldn't understand what was going on. He kept asking me why I was bleeding and I felt hopeless.

Was I losing my baby once again? Monday morning couldn't come any quicker. I couldn't even bring myself to call my nurse I just texted her and was told to come in. I waited for J to wake up because I couldn't go to this appointment by myself.

When we arrived my Doctor was doing a retrieval so we were left waiting for a bit. By the time we got to the appointment my bleeding went from bright red to dark brown. Dr B finally came in with worry on her face. I let her know that it was no longer bright red it was now brown discharge. She immediately let me know that was actually good news. She performed an ultrasound and our baby was still there. (Thank you Jesus!) Measuring right on track of 6 weeks 1 day. She pointed out our baby's heart flickering on the screen. We also got to hear it although it was for a couple seconds. Apparently she said with the u/s machine we were using we were really pushing it on hearing a heartbeat this early. They usually try to do it at 6.3 weeks or later to get a better reading.

My eyes filled with tears when she pointed out the heartbeat. She reminded us this is the farthest we have gone and I should believe it's happening. I'm trying, I really am but I feel like now my fear has increased on losing this little one. Were taking it day by day for now. Dr B understands I'm a nervous wreck so she asked me to come back Friday to take another look.

She doesn't know why I bled the way I did. There's no signs of tears or bleeding around the sac. She believes there's a war inside my uterus as far as my antibodies trying to end the pregnancy and the meds working hard to prevent it. But she also mentioned that some women just bleed or have brown discharge while on lovenox and stopping it usually stops it. Lucky for me I can't stop my meds so I just have to brace myself for possible breakthrough bleeding again. Friday seems so far away but I'm praying I make it that far without having any further complications. Although my Dr assured me if it happened again to let them know and they will see me sooner.