I was undecided if I wanted to write monthly updates for my son since there's so many mixed emotions. Ultimately I made the decision to give it a try since I would love for my son to look back on these when he is older. I've always been able to embrace my IF journey even when things went wrong or not what we expected. Seeing other women beat infertility actually gave me strength and determination to not give up on our miracle. I understand if you are not able to read along if you are still in the trenches, no resentment as we all deal with our emotions differently. Just know I am always praying for all you ladies still waiting on your miracle baby(ies).

Stats: Baby Boy is 9 lbs 10 oz 21 inches long. He is wearing 3 month clothing from Carter brand. There's other brands that he wears 0-3 months or 3-6 months. Its ridiculous how sizes vary with each brand so if I don't pay attention he may never wear them. He is also wearing size 1 diapers.

Likes: He loves his Rock N Play, white noise when he's going to sleep at night, TUMMY TIME! (only on the nursing pillow the other way he starts fuzzing after 2 mins), Mommy running her fingers through his hair, bath time, and of course feeding time. I always know he's had enough to eat when he just lays there and smiles with his eyes closed, silly kiddo.

Dislikes: When I clean his face with a wipe. Tummy time when i just lay him flat on his stomach. As strange as it may sound he does not like being carried for a long time. Baby Izzy gets hot easily and rather be left alone unless he's eating. Good thing is that he wont get used to being carried.

Special Skills: He is a squirmer...when people hold him he squirms around as if he wants to get loosed. He even pushes up with his feet so if your not paying attention he will head bud you. Impressively he can hold his head up for a lot longer than I presumed he could at this age...he loves looking around. My favorite skill is when he screams to get your attention because it sounds like he is saying HEY!. LOL!

Sleeping: The norm 2-3 hours during the day he can go up to 4 hours. One night I got lucky and he slept 4 1/2 hours.

My baby boy is all ready for football season!

As for momma well she's finally back to her pre-pregnancy weight. I believe breastfeeding has helped out a lot plus I have been suffering from gastritis lately that I have to eat a low fat diet. Its not fun being in pain while trying to take care of a newborn. I am extremely grateful my mother lives nearby and comes to my rescue every time, even my little brother who is 10 came to my rescue and put baby Izzy to sleep while I was throwing up in the restroom. That kid has skills thats all I have to say and patience. Besides the pain from gastritis I am doing wonderful. I love being a mom to the point that I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night with my little booger. I am sure that will change when I go back to work.

One thing that has been constantly on my mind is the fact that I miss being pregnant. I am not sure if its the effects of IF but I am already talking to J about another baby. This feeling is so strong sometimes that its all I think about which makes J think I am crazy. People constantly ask me if I will be preventing and of course I say no but considering how long it took us to have our son I dont expect to get pregnant any time soon. I just hope my two frozen embies will survive when we are ready to place them back into their home.

Wow I cannot believe I am writing a mommy post. Everything still feels surreal like I am going to wake up any minute now. Well waking up in the middle of the night doesn't count. (hahaha!) My little man is officially 3 weeks old today and I've been a full time mom now for 2 weeks. I don't count the week I was at the hospital since I had help from J & the nurses. I think the hardest part during these weeks is healing from surgery. I did stop the pain medications four days after leaving the hospital eventhough my body was not 100% healed. With that said I am truly grateful to have been blessed with an easy baby. (I hope it doesn't change anytime soon). Plus he is still strictly on breast milk which I'm still in disbelieve since my mother was never able to breastfeed. I do pump so he can be bottle fed to give J the opportunity to bond with him. When I first started doing this he refused to latch on because the bottle gave him instant milk when he was hungry. At first I was frustrated since at night he would cry as if someone was hurting him BUT i refused to give in. After giving him no choice he eventually gave in with some exceptions. He did not like latching on at night since my breast would be engorged. I didn't want to keep waking up J in the middle of the night so I reached out to a friend to get some tips on how she managed to breastfeed for a year. She did admit it took some time for her sons to get use to it since she also introduced the bottle. She did tell me to try my best not to get frustrated since he will sense it and will not latch on. Another thing she recommended was the nipple shield from Medela. I was hesitant since I knew he was able to latch just refused to at times. After reading reviews on it I decided to buy it since it could help with babies latching even when you became engorged. YAY! So far so good with using it at night.

When people say to stock up on pampers they weren't kidding. Our guest bedroom was filled with boxes of pampers and wipes. I ended up putting them inside his crib since he wouldn't be sleeping in it until 6 months. Sure enough once he arrived those bags/boxes started disappearing very quickly. 

*** I started this post on Monday but my little man woke up***

After writing this post Baby Ismael only used the nipple shield three times and now he latches on with no problem. Yay! So glad I didn't give in. He wakes up twice during the night to feed and goes back to sleep within 30 mins after each feed, unless he's half asleep then its instant. I've learned certain things help him go back to sleep when he's wide awake during the night. He loves when I run my fingers through his hair or when I lay him sideways on my chest with my hands between his legs patting his butt. 

When we first came home from the hospital I couldn't sleep in our bed since it was to high. We tried our guest bedroom for a couple days but it was too hot! So the living room it was, which led to him sleeping in his Rock N Play. (One of his favorite places to be). This became an issue since in our bedroom we had an attached cosleeper and he did not like it once we started sleeping in our room. It took some adjusting for him to finally sleep comfortably in it. After that he didn't like being in his Rock N Play, bahaha this kid is very picky. As of now he has learned to be in both without a problem. 

I know I am not a pro on parenting but I've learned what works for my son & me. This post is also all over the place but with a newborn waking up every 2-3 hours is hard to write a post without jumping all over the place. But I sure love waking up to this day & night. <3 

At my 37 week appointment with my Maternal Fetal Specialist we discussed induction at 39 weeks. Given my blood clotting disorder she felt that it was best to induce labor than wait around for it to happen. Baby boy was weighing and measuring perfectly that she did not have any concerns if he decided to make his appearance earlier. Unfortunately he was in no hurry to leave his first home. I experienced false labor twice in between 37-39 weeks. Even with those false contractions I wasnt dilating nor was my cervix softening. My appointment for induction was scheduled for August 3rd. My doctor instructed me to go to the hospital on Sunday Aug 2nd at 6pm to try and soften up my cervix before inducing me. My emotions were all over the place knowing that I may be meeting my son soon. J & I cleaned up a bit before we left to the hospital.

Once we arrived to the hospital and I was all settled in J asked if I was scared. I took a second before I answered his question. Was I scared to give birth to my son? No. My fear of not knowing how to care for him was greater. The fear of dropping him, hurting him, etc was a nightmare to me. So I confessed my greatest fear to J and he told me not to worry about it he was sure I would be fine, if and when I needed help my mom will be there to help me. I started feeling the medicine working as cramps started to rear their ugly face. Once morning came around the nurse allowed me to get out of bed to shower or walk around for 20 minutes before starting the pitocin. At around 7:20 am my Doctor came in to check on my progress. The only progress was my cervix was 75% effaced but still 1 cm dilated. Sigh He broke my water, let me just say this was not fun he stopped like two times since my cervix was so high the second time around I told him to just get it over with since the pain wasn't going away, once that was done the contractions really started picking up. J was at my side trying to calm me down by calming down my breathing. This worked for about 10 minutes. My contractions went from every 2 minutes then 1 minute and then BAM! every 30 seconds. The pain was excruciating to the point that I felt like I was going to throw up since I couldn't catch my breath. Let me just say the side bar on those hospital beds are a savor! Since the contractions were to sudden I immediately asked for the epidural. I had to wait about an hour since the anesthesiologist was assisting with a c section. To be honest I started crying because I wasn't getting any relief. The nurse must have felt horrible for me because she kept trying to check if the anesthesiologist was available. She gave me a bit of motrin to ease the pain until he was available. Luckily he showed up 10 minutes after and prepped me up to give me the epidural. I felt nothing besides the twitching of my right leg like he told me I would. Finally I was able to breath right and rest. I told J he could leave to get something to eat since it might take all day.

I attempted to rest as everyone recommended to regain my strength. I was in and out of sleep constantly worrying about my son. The nurse lowered the volume on the machines in hopes that it would help me rest better. Even if I try to remember everything that happened within those hours I cant. I just recall feeling weak, sick, and worried that I couldnt feel my son moving. I was trying to force myself to turn around so I can at least see the screen. The screen detecting my son's heart rate and movement. J seemed to walk in at the perfect time. I told him to call the nurse because i couldnt breath right and I was really weak. I begged him to go look at our sons vitals for me because I couldnt feel him or hear anything. My heart stopped when he told me his heart rate was at 98 and dropping. I yelled at him to call the nurse but as I did she ran into the room. Asked J to help her turn me to my left she put an oxygen mask on me. She was adjusting the straps around my stomach when Dr V walked into the room. She looked at him and told him the pitocin had been off for 30 minutes now. I was only dilated 4 cm when they made the decision to turn it off. Apparently every time I had a contraction his heart rate would drop. My contractions were still every 30 seconds. I remember him looking me in the eyes, with fear in them, and told me he was sorry but he was not taking any chances on losing my son. They were hoping his vitals would become stable once the medication was turned off but they were getting worst. Not only that but my vitals were not normal either. My mind went blank all I could do is nod my head.

I recall nurses rushing into my room to prep me for surgery. I felt extremely cold, incoherent, with lots of anxiety. The thought of losing my son now after everything was my biggest fear ever. The rushed me over to the surgery room and asked J to wait outside until they finished prepping me up. The anesthesiologist asked me if I had felt something but all I could get out was "Huh?" He figured since I was confused then they were good to proceed. I knew they had started cutting me up but J wasnt by my side. Then my Dr yelled out "Why isn't the husband in here? Get him in here now!" When J appeared at my side I didnt even recognize him. He held my hand and asked how I was doing. All I could do was cry. (I'm even crying now just thinking about that moment) I kept anxiously waiting to hear his cry. Then my doctor announced he was pulling the baby out, I held my breath then squeezed J's hand, I felt a sudden pull then I heard the most beautiful sound ever. Everyone always talks about how memorable and beautiful it is to hear your baby's first cry and they werent wrong. When I heard it my heart skipped a beat. At that moment my fear of not being able to care for him vanished. Its unexplainable but I just felt it in my heart.

Baby Ismael Jesus born August 3rd, 2015 @ 12:11pm. 6lbs and 13oz 20 inches
Just as my heart felt relieved I turned around and threw up. It was not fun throwing up while you're basically glued to that bed and the only thing you can do is turn your head. When baby Ismael was born a nurse walked in and told J they moved all our stuff to a new room. She handed him our camera bag incase he wanted to take pictures. I think J was in shock that he said thank you but didnt pull out the camera. As weak as I was I managed to tell him to take pictures. With all the chaos going on I overheard the nurse say, :Let go little one." Turns out Baby Ismael was born pulling his hair and wouldn't let go of it. Just a couple seconds old and he's already showing character. I was wheeled off to a recovery room where I was allowed to hold my son. Unfortunately that didnt last long since I had no control of my left hand. I felt hopeless and useless. How was my son suppose to feed if I couldnt even hold him without falling asleep. They transferred me back to L&D since I was losing a lot of blood. My Dr came in to check on my after the nurse gave me medication to hopefully stop the bleeding. He gave the ok for me to be transferred to Postpartum recovery. Once their I was told I had lost a lot of blood after my surgery and they didnt know why. The medication I was given was to hopefully help my uterus contract and stop the heavy bleeding. For about 3 days I felt extremely weak, it didnt matter how much sleep I was getting my body would just give out. J really stepped up on taking care of our son while I couldn't. They kept me in the hospital for 4 nights & 5 days since my blood count was extremely low. If I didnt recover on my own I would need a blood transfusion before they released me from the hospital. Once again God was at our side and I recovered slowly but surely. During our stay I took full advantage of the lactation consultants. I knew I wanted to at least attempt to breast feed before I threw in the towel but baby Ismael wouldn't suck for very long. He gave us between 1 and 2 before he just completely stopped. In the mean time everyone made me feel guilty that I was starving him so I gave in to formula. Then one of the nurses asked me why I was doing both instead of sticking to one. I told her the truth that I felt like I was starving him. She explained to J and I that a baby's tummy is extremely small therefor he will get full with 2-4 drops of colostrum. If I am doing both all I am doing is expanding his stomach which then he would expect more colostrum than I am giving him.

She said to give it a try for a day to see how it goes. Yes I would have to feed him more frequently but its expected since they digest it a lot faster than formula. She even helped me with getting him to latch on and actually feed properly. I also requested a pump when I was having a difficult time latching him. They gave me a manual one and the electric one once they saw that i was actually able to pump out colostrum to feed him with a syringe. By the time we left the hospital he was exclusively just breastfed. I didnt know how long it would last and if I was even going to produce milk. The first day we were home I cried since I didnt have my pain meds and i was experiencing engorgement. I was so close on throwing in the towel but I pushed myself even though it hurt.

Now a week and 2 days after his birth I am starting to wean off of the pain medications. Still exclusively breastfeeding. I know with a c section the pain can come and go so I am taking it day by day. J went back to work this week so my mom comes by every once in a while to check on me and bring me food. I never imagined the love you can have for a person so small. I wake up in disbelief that he is actually mine.

~If you are still waiting for your miracle baby dont give up. Your day will come even if it seems like the journey will never end. Even after finally crossing over to motherhood I will never forget my battle to get here. I am proud to say he is my IVF miracle.~

For those who follow me on Instagram know that my baby boy has made his grand debut. I haven't gotten around to writing his birth story since I am still trying to recover. At this point I am can honestly say I am glad I did not write a birthing plan because nothing ever goes as plan. What matter is that our son is here with us and I am recovering well.

As soon as I get the opportunity I will post Ismael Jesus birth story. For now I leave u with some pictures so you can meet my little man.

How far along? 37 weeks & 3 days

Baby Size: He is 6lbs 12 oz as of yesterdays estimated ultrasound measurements.

Total weight gain: I am officially up 25 lbs. I guess its true the last two months u really start gaining the pounds.

Maternity clothes: YES! Most of my clothes is maternity but I am still able to wear dresses and overalls that are non maternity.

Stretch marks: These little suckers finally made an appearance on my hips. I'm ok with it though I never thought I would even be here to experience life inside of me.

Sleep: If I do it doesn't feel like it. I wake up tired all the time.

Food cravings: VERY COLD FRUIT SMOOTHIES. Cant seem to get enough of cold fruit. (This hasn't changed. Good since they put me on a low fat diet)

Best moment this week: Getting released from the hospital to my own comfy little bed. Plus I feel a lot better and I felt bad for J he slept so uncomfortable in that sleeping pull out sofa. Told him he at least got a taste of the hospital life once baby boy arrives. Oh and seeing my baby boy one last time in 2D ultrasound.

Miss anything? After being put on a low fat diet I miss everything. Apparently my eating habits weren't as great as I thought.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Yes but idk what. My smelling senses have really kicked up a notch.

Gender: A handsome little fella

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, swelling of feet/legs, shortness of breath, headaches, loss of mucus plug, peeing every half an hour and strangely nausea.

Wedding rings on or off: They officially went into a safe spot when we were in California.

Happy or moody most of the time: Words cannot express the overwhelming joy I feel that we are so close to meeting our little guy.

Looking forward to: Receiving our homemade crib bedding from my aunt. I loved the one she made my cousin years ago and I asked her to please make one for my little man. Can't wait to put it all together. We're so close and I am not done with his nursery yet. Its  very usable of course just need some finishing touches.
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On Sunday I woke up with no energy. I asked J to bring me a bowl of cereal because I was hungry. After I ate I fell asleep again for a couple hours. Once again I woke up starving so J made us something to eat. We got some stuff done around the house and I became hungry soon after. I decided to grab a cup of milk with cookies so it can tame me before dinner time. My stomach started hurting as if I overate. J and I went walking for a good hour or slightly over. When we came back that stomach pain was getting worse. It was at the very pit of my rib opening. I consulted Dr Google and it led me to believe I probably wasn't eating enough. The pain was unbearable but I decided to just make an effort to eat. Little did I know I was making things worse. I couldn't finish eating because I started feeling nauseous and hot. For whatever reason I thought maybe it was the baby pushing up against my ribs so I went to lay down on my side. The pain became excruciatingly painful that fear started setting in. A part of me thought I was probably exaggerating and the contractions I was feeling were imaginary. Rang up my Drs on call services only to be told he wasn't reachable but another Dr was on call for him. Well that Dr didn't do on calls unless patients were at the hospital. We decided it was best to take a trip down to L&D.

On our way there J did an awesome job on calming down. I was in tears, huffing and puffing, sweating my ass off but he just kept caressing my hair and telling me to breath slower. He put me to sleep that when I woke up I was convinced we could go back home. He wasn't to convinced I was ok so he said he will pull over and I can walk around to see what happens. Well people I couldn't even walk without feeling pain and weakness. After arriving to the hospital the pain started to pick up again. At the receptionist desk I was in awe at how I was even able to speak. The nurse was in shock to find out I was 37 weeks pregnant. (Yes I know heard it a bunch of times get me to a room lady!) I managed to walk all the way to L&D from the ER floor. They hooked me up and confirmed I was in fact getting contractions. Strangely they were not labor contractions. My whole rib cage was hurting and I couldn't breath right. The nurse immediately said my contractions were either from dehydration or inflammation of my gallbladder.

Hooked me up to an IV and ordered some testing. An ultrasound technician confirmed I have a zillion gallstones. Lol ok not a zillion but its quite a few. They gave me an injection to help with the inflammation and told me no eating or drinking until my Dr gives the ok. J and I stayed overnight so they can monitor me closely. I was feeling contractions all night but they weren't painful. The last time they checked me I was only 1/2 cm dilated and basically determined my contractions weren't dilating me.

I met with a specialist talked about possible surgery after I deliver, which I think I'll decline for now. I was told pregnancy can cause issues with ur gallbladder and some women are lucky enough to have no issues after delivery. We spoke to my OB about my concerns and he said agreed on some of the issues I brought up. Told me unless I was in severe pain not to get the surgery. So for now its still up in the air. Hoping I won't need it and we can just call this an experience. I was told to stay away from fattening foods. Such as Mexican food, fried foods, dairy products, etc. Its been tough to completely change my eating habits. Although I rather be challenged than deal with that excruciating pain again. Bahaha! I am going to have lots of fun during labor. 

How far along? 36 weeks & 3 days

Baby Size: He's as big as my belly lol I would estimate around 6 lbs by now.

Total weight gain: 22 lbs according to my home scale

Maternity clothes: YES! But depending on the clothes I can squeeze in to a non maternity outfit. The dress above is non maternity as well.

Stretch marks: Not on my belly. Strangely where I had my PIO shots at I've been scratching there and I have tiny stretch marks.

Sleep: I get my sleep now that I am officially out of work. Still waking up numerous times in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes i have backaches and i just toss and turn.

Food cravings: VERY COLD FRUIT SMOOTHIES. Cant seem to get enough of cold fruit.

Best moment this week: Unbelievably nesting has kicked in to full gear. I never believed in it or thought it was such a big deal until I became a freak clean since I've been home. I took every box out of the nursery and made a mess in one of our living rooms, my niece even questioned why I did that. Haha! I have to organize everything somehow there's just tooo much stuff.

Miss anything? Not yet. My doctor was even surprised when he asked if I was over being pregnant. Told him no that even with the pain on my legs/ feet I cant get enough of it. He apparently loved my answer. Am I not normal?

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope

Gender: A handsome little fella

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, swelling of feet/legs, shortness of breath, occasional headaches.

Wedding rings on or off: They officially went into a safe spot when we were in California.

Happy or moody most of the time: Overjoyed just thinking about how close we are to meeting our little guy.

Looking forward to: Finishing up some wall decor projects for the nursery. Feel bad that I constantly ask J to help since there's not a lot I can do on my own. I tell him its all worth it...and if u havent guess it the new walls on my bump pictures are a sneak peak of his nursery.

Well I have to say that I never would have imagined that the most difficult part of this journey would be agreeing on a name for a child. Hey if you had it easy then consider yourself lucky! Before I got pregnant we had a list of names we both liked, not equally but it was a list. Then once we found out the gender its like those names went out the window and we couldn't come to an agreement. My thoughts revolved around our journey therefor I wanted my son to have a meaningful name. J on the other hand wanted names that weren't significant to what we've been through or did not sit well with me.

It was a never ending disagreement that it got to the point that I refused to bring up the subject to avoid him getting all torn up about it. J's thoughts were since it's going to be a boy he should have the right to name him. If we were having a girl he would allow me to name her with no questions asked. After going back and forth I decided maybe this was a subject I should bring up a month prior to my due date in hopes we both had time to really think about it. People would ask us consistently if we had agreed on a name yet which sometimes sparked up the "Which name do u like best?" conversation. SMH

Then one day while we were enjoying a peaceful afternoon talking about what we still need for this little ones nursery, J calmly turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes and spoke the words I never thought I would hear.

"Our son's name will be ... because I made a promise to God. A promise while we were uncertain if you were going to miscarry again. I left everything in his hands and now I need to keep my promise to him."

So it was set! Our son had a name, a name I felt good about. A name with a meaning. Little did I know that his name had a greater meaning than we originally thought. In my previous post I mentioned that my mother in law had been praying for our little one since she found out about our struggles. She never lost her faith that God would answer her prayer even before she had heard/ seen the news herself. I left out a few details on my previous post because I felt like it deserved its own post in hopes that it would help someones weary faith.

He listens even if you feel like your prayer isn't being answered.

When my mother in law was pregnant with J she had a difficult first trimester like I did. Constant bleeding that doctors couldn't explain. She said her stress levels were through the roof until one day she got on her knees to pray to the Virgin Mary & God. She surrendered her worries to them and said whatever the outcome was she would get through them with their help. As you all know J made it into this world but not without a fight. My mother in law was told she would need a c-section due to her placenta blocking her cervix. They thought it was too dangerous for her to try and deliver vaginally I'm fear of her hemorrhaging on the delivery table. Her c section was scheduled already but once again left everything in God's hands. A couple days before her scheduled c section she started going into labor. When she arrived at the hospital they did one last ultrasound. To her surprise, as well as the doctors, her placenta had shifted up and J was ready to come out.

What an astonishing miracle but her worries weren't over yet. J was born not breathing he actually suffered with severe asthma growing up. It was more than one occasion that he stopped breathing. Not only as a baby but as a toddler too. I'm happy to report his asthma is completely gone now. I believe he's only used his inhaler for less than a month since we've been dating. Woohoo! J is also a miracle baby how cool is that? When J was around 2 or 3 my mother in law was pregnant again. She didn't go much into detail about this pregnancy since I would imagine the pain it brings her to remember. My mother in law delivered her second son stillborn at 6 months. They never found a reason as to why this happened which made things even more difficult for her. I've always known of these two events in her life, so why am I bringing this up now? When we told my mother in law the name of our son she smiled. I figured she liked it and understood the reason as to why we chose that name. Until my sister in law looked at her mom and smiled as well. She then told J, "That was the name that was given to our brother." J was a bit shocked to hear but what surprised me the most was that our son is actually named after his great grandfather. How could J not know his own grandfather's name??

My MIL went on to tell us that she named both her sons after their grandfather. She gave J his first name and his brother the middle name. Hearing these words truly warmed my heart. It made me realize my son has many angels looking over him. His uncle, his great grandfather, and his siblings. From that moment on I knew in my heart his name was meant to be.

We sometimes feel like we pray endlessly with no answers. It can get tiring, frustrating, etc but if u take a moment to listen to what is around u he might just be answering. I know my son is not in my arms yet and anything can happen in the last four weeks BUT I believe this was his way of telling us our son is here to stay.

Don't worry I am revealing the name of our son....

Ismael means God Listens

I love his first name for many reasons. The meaning behind it is my favorite. It's also a unique name I don't see it often. Although someone did give me a coke that said share a coke with Ismael. Don't worry I didn't drink it.

Jesus we all know who he is. As mentioned above it was also J's brothers name.

Always seek him even if you feel like he is not listening. When he finally answers it will bring great emotions.