Bonding Time

Bye bye Christmas! You were such a pleasant surprise this year. I didn't expect you to be full of love this year. You know with me being childless and all? As many of you know my mother in law & brother in law were here for the holiday. At first I was a bit worried being around her. Not because we don't get a long or anything like that. My parents have always raised me to be respectful to others. Well in my pretty little head I think it's respectful to speak Spanish to my mother in law. Simple right? No. Here's the thing I speak more Spanglish than anything. It's kinda embarrassing. She understands and speaks English very well but again I find it respectful to speak in Spanish. 

I finally got over it when I realized she didn't care. That's when the love and bonding time began. When I'm around my mother in law I get all child like. Thoughts like "What if she doesn't like me? "Will she think I'm inappropriate?" Etc. This is kinda funny because she's seen me shitless drunk not once but TWICE! True story. During her visit I helped her make tamales. She showed me how to make some of J's favorite foods. The best part of all she thought me how to make chile! Poor me...I've attempted countless times to make it to no avail. Boo! 

Besides our good bonding we also got to talking about God. She's a very religious lady an I admire her for that. She knows of our struggles and has told me countless times that my child is on its way soon. She's said prayers for us numerous times, once with us there with tears in her eyes. I loved listening to her and admitted it has been hard keeping the faith alive with everything we've been through. As a woman who lost her child at 6 months pregnant she completely understands. Let's just say she made me realize that I am holding back my faith because J is not ready. I on the other hand am ready to surrender my heart and soul to him. It's all in his hands of he wants this upcoming FET to work. If he chooses not to then I understand. Yes I would be heart broken. I'm only human. But in reality...why should I expect what I have not given to him!? I was brought up in a catholic home. I did all my sacraments but I live in sin. I'm not married to J. In Gods eyes that is a sin. Do I wanna get married? Of course we do. Why wouldn't we? We can make many excuses as to why we haven't done it but it won't justify the fact that it's not done. 

In the mist of all this she talked to J about me and how much she loves me. How I'm such a good person and that whenever he is ready or were ready that we should take that next step. I almost cried hearing her say she loves me. I'm telling u I have these childish thoughts sometimes. 

This was the first year that J's mom has spent Xmas with my family. Besides the coldness she wasn't use to I think she liked it. The brother in law didn't want to leave. He begged her to let him stay. That of course didn't work in his favor. Al though I didn't ask for anything this year J surprised me with lovely gifts. It made my day to see him overjoyed to be with his mom and brother this Christmas. 

Update: Last ultrasound was on 12/20 an my lining was at 8mm. I started P shots the day after Christmas. With my luck J left to work early today and forgot to give me my shot. I obviously failed at trying to give it to myself. I rushed over to the clinic and asked if they can kindly give it to me. After work I went back to clinic for my acupuncture session and the weirdest thing happened. My body wa going into deep sleep.. How do I know this?? I start to twitch for some reason. Hahaha! Weird I know. Then all of a sudden I wake up with this weird feeling in my stomach. I couldn't bare to lay down anymore. I told the acupuncturist when she came in and she said she put the needles at points that caused blood flow to the uterus. Could it be a rush of blood?? I don't know. I was relieved when it went away. Hahaha! 

I'll leave you with a pic of my parents and my older brother and of course me.