Relaxing Weekend to Failed HSG

Oh the joy of trying on dresses and feeling like you are in a fairy tale is quite exquisite. I am not the type to twirl around in dresses or skirts, shorts is the closest I get, I prefer JEANS. (chuckle) Why?! I don't know...I just don't feel comfortable, or it's just that I have extremely white legs. LOL! Anyways, on Saturday I went with my SIL to try on dresses so she can decided on which one is going to be the one since her time is running out. I got to take lots of pictures of the dresses she tried on and gave her my opinion on the dresses. I have to admit I almost cried when she tried on the first dress. The dress was stunning! It gave her such a glow that I was in an awe moment for a while. After she was done it was my turn to try on dresses!! No not wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses. I grabbed a few of the rack and took them back to the dressing room. The lady asked what style of dress I was aiming for and my response was, "FLOWY!" The wedding is going to be in Spring and I don't want something that entirely sticks to my body. I want to be able to feel slightly free. When I was trying on the dresses I couldnt help but think how fun and difficult this was. (As far as making a decision.) If I was having such a hard time I could only imagine what she was feeling inside. All these beautiful dresses and she could only pick one. By the end of the day she came to the realization that she couldn't get the dress that I believed made her GLOW. She settled for another one that was better in price and it was a beautiful dress.

I have to be honest, I haven't gotten married through church so I haven't gone through this emotional rollercoaster of planning a wedding. DH & I talked about it and since our family lives in California we will wait until 2014 to do ours, for the sake of the expense of the guest. I know, I know you are probably thinking "You are not married and you want to have a child?". Yes, yes I do! I am not afraid or ashame to say it. I am proud to say that Dh (yes I call him my husband bc we have been together forever)and I have stayed together for 8 years + because we love each other not because we had kids at such a young age. A lot of people are surprise to hear me say I don't have kids but I am with my HS sweetheart. If that's not true love then what is?

Moving forward...I went for my HSG test yesterday. Saying that I was extremely nervous doesnt do its justice because I was afraid of the pain that people seem to complain about. When I got called in I felt like I was having a panic attack, the nurse explained to me what was going to be done. When the actual doctor came in he explained it in more detailed and began the procedure. I have to admit that it was just uncomfortable but not painful BUT I couldnt really tell you because the catheter wouldn't go through my cervix. Results = FAILED HSG. He told me he couldn't get the catheter to go in there that my cervix was to tight, he was going to send the images to my doctor to see what he wants to do. More than likely I would have to be dialated to get the catheter through but they don't have the proper equipment for that. So could this be the reason for me not getting pregnant? Who knows...he said he didnt want to say that was the reason for me not conceiving cause he didn't have my history. So it left me with the idea that he believed this could be the cause. Now I am here having an emotional toll thinking I will never be a mother and I have to go through more pain to accomplish this dream! I broke down as soon as I walked out of there. DH asked how everything went when I got out, he drove me there, and I just looked at him with tears. I told him I didnt know how much of this I could take and I wasn't strong enough to go through it. He was speechless and said if I had to go through pain that he wouldnt go through treatment because he didnt want to put me through it. At this point I don't know what to think or if I am overthinking it. I am just going to wait for my doctor to call me and tell me the next step and I will make a decision from there.