Whoa! I honestly believed I knew everything there is to know about IVF, until today. My mind is all over the place right now. Ok. Let me rewind back to my actual IVF consult w/ Dr. Brown on Tuesday of last week. 

Before this appointment I was expecting to go in there and get the whole shebang. As far as my protocol, calendar, etc. instead we got a little debrief of what IVF is and what are the clinics procedures. We also briefly discussed our prior IUI and how we agreed to move fwd to IVF if we weren't successful. She thought this was our 100% absolute best option. J's concentration has decrease tremendously since we started treatment.  We both knew it had a lot to do with his drinking and smoking. Of course we didn't mention this to Dr B bc she had already asked him to stop all that. Again we both know he may stop for a couple weeks but get back to it. Dr. B says that they only do IVF w/ ICSI so he doesn't have to work hard at trying to increase his swimmers. I know this doesn't guarantee fertilization but it gives me hope. Since I have irregular cycles she mentioned that I was already at risk for OHSS, Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. This means my cycle is already at risk of possible cancellation. Ugh! Lets just hope that doesn't happen. On Monday, I went in for my mock transfer which in turn I was told I needed a hysteroscopy. Why? Bc my endometrial lining looked bumpy, meaning possible polyps. Yay me!! i have my surgery scheduled for September 4th.  

Although my treatment is being delayed I did have an IVF class to learn about my protocol, medication, injections, etc. I feel so confident about using injections and when the time comes my hand becomes jello. J works nights so I'm solo on this, he is going to try his best to get a schedule change during that time so he can be here. He doesn't want me to go through all this alone besides he can practice so when the intramuscular injections come around he won't be so tough on me. 

As of now a calendar wasn't given to me since my surgery is still pending. Once the surgery is done with I have to wait until my Dr clears me and then I can proceed. Dr B is leaving on maternity leave. She did such a great job hiding it bc I had no idea she was pregnant. What does this mean for me? Well her leave is going to take a toll on out of pocket expenses. She was the only Dr in the clinic that was considered a ObGYn so my insurance covered 90% of the cost even if my deductible wasn't met. Now they won't cover anything until my deductible is met. Even after its met I am responsible for 20% of the cost. I guess it's not so great to plan ahead bc things don't always go ur way. We saved money for medication and the other out of pocket expenses. This unexpected surgery is taking a big chunk from my savings. The nurse assures me that my insurance is covering a big portion of it but I still need to cover my deductible. Not only do I have to a physician fee, I also need to pay a facility fee plus anesthesia fee. As of now I don't even know how much I truly owe them but my gut feeling is telling me its not going to be pretty. 

So here I am playing the waiting game again. It's a never ending game. BCP are not doing my body good. I'm constantly bleeding or spotting. I was instructed to stop them after surgery until my Dr clears me bc I have already been on them way to long. You think??! 

Wow. It's been way to long since I wrote a post. I have to be honest I am having a difficult time keeping up with blogs. My vaca has kept me entertained and now I am back at work trying to catch up. So I truly apologize for being absent. 

Well thee vaca was awesome!!! I was sad to see it end so quickly. There were birthday celebrations, a wedding, and just plain ol going out. I can say I 100% enjoyed it! It's been way to long since I have felt myself. After all this journey takes a toll on all of us. Since I don't have  time to spare I will just give u a brief description of what I did while I was away. 

First we celebrated my birthday!! Well it was a combined celebration for my BIL and moi. To top it off, after 8 years our mothers FINALLY met! Can you believe that? Kind of strange that J and I have been together so long but our parents have never met. Unfortunately, my father was not present but I know the day will come when the opportunity presents itself again. 

I can honestly say I detest alcohol right now. I hardly ever drink when I'm home so while on vaca I said what the hell. I can't bare to see or smell alcoholic beverages now. Which is a good thing, right? On my actual BDAY we went to San Diego to explore. I had a blast! J was so sweet to tag along considering he was the only male. He truly loves me! <3

During the week my MIL host a bible study. She wanted us to be apart of it and so we were. I never imagined she would break down during the study. Her words touched my heart that it was hard not to break down myself. I never knew someone who is already a mother would know exactly what I feel in regards to my infertility. Let me rephrase that...someone who has not experience infertility themselves. I love her to death she has been such a blessing in my life. J's family has accepted me into their family with open warm hearted arms and for that I am grateful. Before the study was over they said a little prayer for us so we can get our miracle baby soon. 

The day before the wedding we decided to go out and indulge in some fun. I wa so grateful it wa the last weekend we were there bc I truly began to detest alcohol at this point. I could not drink any of the nasty beverages that were given to me. All in all it was nice to go out and spend time with the people we loved. 

The following day was my SIL's special day...her LAST CHANCE to run. Lol Jk! I can tell by the look in her eyes that she was truly happy. Everyone danced the night away and I found a corner to fall asleep in at 1am. Haha! My MIL found me and said I should go inside to sleep. That day was full of emotions. I was able to reevaluate my current situation realizing I am 100% happy and I know one day I will be a mother.