I think its really neat that the fertility clinic I go to has there own site I can pull up my own lab results whenever I want. I realize they update it pretty quickly because I curiously logged in there after the nurse had called and gave me the results for my prog test and hcg, also DH's SA, I was thrilled to see that I was able to see what she just relayed over to me. So since yesterday I've been logging on to see if tht other lab results came in yet. Waaala! They magically appeared today 2hrs before I had to leave work and wondered why a nurse hadn't called and explained to me the results. As impatient as I am being now that I want to know more I googled every little thing to see if it was normal. From what I could pull up everything look good and I casually told myself if it was bad they would have called me by now.

Exactly two hours after I had gotten home the lovely nurse calls me and says,"Hi Sweetie! Just wanted to let you know all your results came back wonderful." I was so ready to do my happy dance when she says," Oh wait, there is one thing. We tested you for the rubella virus and you are not immune to it. We do have to give you the vaccine. Just come in when you get your period, we will test you for pregnancy just to be cautious and give you the vaccine. And you absolutely cannot get pregnant within the 28 days after the vaccine. We will put you on birth control for 28 days then we can begin treatment." WHAT!!? Birth control was all that was going through my head but I couldn't say it I just said "ok" like a speechless child being told I had to do something I didn't want to do. Is birth control necessary I mean I haven't gotten pregnant for 5 years!!! Even that I can take precautions just to be safe that I don't accidentally get pregnant when I'm not suppose to. Lol! Ok that just sounds ridiculous I will stop.

I don't know why it bothers me so much that this happened if I wasn't going to be able to go in for treatment until after my internship had ended in November. But the agony of knowing I will be taking BC bothers me. Either I have to suck it up or ask if I can avoid BC and use protection instead.
Friday was our appt with DR JM. He was very straightforward and explained everything in detail. DH liked the way he worked, although he didn't have any expression on his face, I guess it was for the best specially in this type of situation. I dont know how I would have felt if he was trying to be sympathetic when he said I have polycystic ovaries. When we got to our appt I felt like the enviorment was relaxing and the wait time was wonderful, well for existing patients. Ofcourse we had to fill out some paperwork and the nurse had to take my picture to go in my file. After waiting to be called in we met with a nurse that asked us a couple questions to confirm what we had previously answered to get a better understanding. After she left DR JM came in and had a chat with us about our TTC journey. When he asked how long have we been trying and I told him 2 yrs but plus 3 yrs NTNP= 5yrs. He immediately said something might be causing the problem and I took a good direction coming in since previous DRs didnt seem to concern with my irregular cycles. We went off to do an U/S and as I predicted I had already ovulated and was 5 DPO. I had ovulated from my left ovary, and there was 15+ follicles including the one that was released. On my right ovary there was 10+ and my lining was 11mm. During the u/s he explained everything in detailed, after the u/s he explained to me that I have polycystic ovaries and that it could be the cause of me not conceiving yet. He stated that my ovaries produce more than enough eggs, he paused for a minute and asked if i had taken any fertility meds of course i had not, and then he continued saying that those eggs were not maturing. He stated the way this is treated is with BCP but since I am trying to conceive I would have to be put on Clomid and they would have to monitor me and then perform and IUI. I had to do the fertility panel bloodwork and also schedule a Hysterosalpingogram to check if my tubes were blocked since I am ovulating. DH had his SA and the results were given to us that same day as well as my progest test. DH's SA came back fine and my progest came back at 27. My other bloodwork will be ready today. Although we are both relieved to know some answers it saddens me because I wont be able to start any treatment until November. I guess we would just have to wait until then and try naturally and I will certainly continue to take my Maca and Vitex to control my irregular cycles.
Yesterday was an intense day for me. I didnt even want to work out after I woke up from my nap. The first thing i saw when i woke was my DH's message saying he was working a 3rd shift starting next week. Since the agitation didn't go away I decided to read to distract myself. When DH got home all I can do is hug him and fight the tears from coming. He wasnt pleased with the news and said all he can do is work that schedule for awhile and start looking elsewhere. Although that seems an eternity to me I would have to wait and see what happens. We agreed that we wouldnt cancel the RE appointment we have next week. He will have the mornings to go with me if we need to go back periodically. I am allowing myself to feel some kind of hope back into our TTC journey. Dh and I started doing the Insanity work out. I figured if I wasn't getting pregnant might as well take a chance on something I can control. Let me tell you how out of shape I am that after 4 days we gave it a rest since the weekend came around. I knew I shouldnt of stopped because I would never go back to it. Ugh! but seeing that scale flash back at me, letting me know I had gained 5 pounds instead of losing them, I became devastated. So I started back up again hoping that maybe losing some weight would help with my irregular cycles. I am not overweight for my height but toning up my body a bit wouldnt hurt either. Can't wait for RE appointment to find out what is going on!! Wont be writing till then too.
I feel like my heart has been taken out and left there right in front of me, just for so I can see that it will be forever damaged. Here I am thinking I shouldn't blog to get myself back together before I write things I myself wouldn't want to look back and read. But who was I fooling!!! I have bottled up so much inside that the last thing that was thrown my way bursted out of me so drastically. I HATE MY DH'S JOB! I DESPISE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS BOSSES!! How could they do this to us, I feel like they are purposely trying to set off a ticking bomb in our relationship. It's probably wrong of me to lash out and blame them for this, but seeing my biggest dream vanish into thin air is the bit I can do. Long story short: My DH had refused a promotion about 4 or 5 months ago because they were so reluctant on moving him to a night shift schedule. Hence, we would never get to see eachother. He explained to them that we were trying to have a family and the schedule was just not going to work at this point of time. It was so hard for him to be honest about why he couldn't take the position. And blam just like that! They gave the position to someone else not willing to work with him on the schedule. And guess what??? That person they promoted got to stay in the morning shift. Now they trained him for another position and told him that they needed him to go to a 2nd shift schedule. We were thinking ok fine the latest he'll be home is after 9. One week, not even, 3 days before he gets his schedule changed, they happen to mention to him he will be working the 3rd shift. >o< Our RE appt is next week. At this point I don't know what to make of this. Besides asking myself, "What's the point NOW?" I will never see him again maybe an hour IF I'm lucky. I work an early shift and have to be at work by 5:15 am. I'm better off canceling the appt next week instead of setting myself up for depression.
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