A light

I woke up a bit nervous on Friday, I knew I wasn't feeling 100% to go back to work but since my doctor suggested it I gave it a try. Before I left the house I notice my brown discharge was getting heavier. Of course I ignored it since I was told I was going to experience it with lovenox. Fast forward to 6 hours of being at work...a walk to my vehicle and back to the building I felt a gush. I had literately just gone to the restroom and didn't have spotting. My stomach started cramping and became bloated instantly. Off to the restroom I went.

My face went pale white.

I could barely speak.

It took one look for management to realize something was wrong. All that came out of my mouth was "I'm going home."

By the time I arrived home I was drenched in blood. It went through my pad all over my underwear and pants. I cleaned up and went straight to bed to prop my feet up on top of a pillow. Tears were streaming down my face. J was at work for the rest of the night. When I called him he apologized because he couldn't be there with me. J reminded me this has happened before and I should just rest. I told him it felt different it was too much blood and it wouldn't stop. All he could do is reassure me it wasn't our first scare so I needed to relax or I'll make things worst.

Making the decision to wait until our original appointment was a tough one. Ultimately I realized we had just seen our little one the day before so I needed to give it time to see if there's any changes. If our little one wants to stick around he/she would still be there on Monday. I took it easy for the rest of the weekend and by Saturday morning my bleeding had turned to brown spotting again. Monday finally came around and I had to force J to go with me. He had gone to Dallas the night before to see the Cowboys vs Colts game so he didn't get home until midnight. Don't get me wrong I felt bad he wasn't going to get his full rest but the fear of being told our baby was no longer with us alone was far worst to me.

When I got there I told my nurse what had happened so she immediately told Dr B. She was so anxious to see me that I wasn't even ready when she knocked on the door. (I literately hid behind the door screaming I'm not ready.) Hahaha! That was a much needed laugh. She apologized for not looking for the green light indicating I was ready. Dr B was more anxious than me to see our little miracle. My heart started thumping when the magic wand went in. At first I couldn't see the sac and I got scared...but as she started moving it around there it was! She paused turned around to look at J then me with a big smile.

"It's still there! Ur baby is a fighter."

She immediately pointed out the little flickering heart. J immediately said how much faster the heart was flickering. With this comment Dr B let us hear it and that's when my heart and mind felt relieved. I never mentioned this but I was worried the heart beat wasnt getting stronger in a timely manner although Dr B always reassured me it was were it needed to be. At 6+1 it was @ 97.40bpm, @ 6+4 it was @ 109bpm, now @ 7+1 its @ 140bpm.

Once we were done with the ultrasound Dr B pointed out the fact that I was smiling for the first time. She had a serious talk with J & I about understanding how uneasy we are right now. Completely normal with our history. She assured me once I am out of the first trimester I will start to embrace this pregnancy more. I will transform to a different person and the worry will vanish up until I'm ready to pop.

Given the uneventful event I experienced on Friday she decided it was best to apply for disability. We have no idea where the bleeding is coming from and its obvious the more activity I do the worst it gets. They are also referring me to an MFM specialist to oversee my pregnancy. On top of that she recommended an OBGYN to me. I told her I didn't want to go to my regular one because truthfully I just went their for paps and don't like the environment. She was pleased and told me to call today to ensure I get seen sooner rather than later. But to let them know she was recommending me. My nurse said that doctor loves Dr B and treats her patients a lot like she does. Dr B continued to chime in stating his office is a lot like here small and private. I will always deal with the same wonderful people and doctor. As soon as I got home I called and was told first available appointment would not be til second week of January. They put me on hold stating Dr V would probably want to see me sooner than that. When she came back on the phone she stated they are booking me in for the 31st to get the consultantion out of the way. I won't have an ultrasound until later but they want to have everything on file and ready to go for when I see Dr V. Of course before she told me there was no ultrasound she asked if I had one done with Dr B already. Once I said yes she said great they feel more comfortable knowing I will still be in her care til he can see me.

Dr B also assured me they will not release me until I have been seen by both the specialist and Dr V. Our next appointment with Dr B is on monday the 29th. Before I left she did remind me if anything were to come up they will see me right away. Starting to feel hopeful but continuing to guard my heart.