There's been unforgettable moments in my life which I will cherish forever. As much as we hope for infertility to vanish because it's affecting our personal life, it's not going to happen. It will always be a part of us regardless if we get our happy ending. J has done a fabulous job expressing his perspective  in a manner that I won't misunderstand. I don't want to be a bitter, miserable infertile. I truly want to be able to embrace every moment of my life without having a pity party about how bad my life sucks. 

Truth is, my life doesn't suck. I'm truly blessed in ways that I need to start embracing. Let's start with my niece who officially became my goddaughter two weeks ago. 

This day will forever stay in my heart. I got to see a part of J that I haven't had the pleasure to see. He attended to her every need and, even though he talked during church, he answered every question she had about what was going on. 

After this day I have been able to cherish this little one more and more. She's such a character and like every little kid she says she's a big girl. I can't wait to see what her little sister will be like. 

I also got to meet and greet the new member of our family. My cousin's baby was born on Friday. I didn't get the pleasure of holding him because she was pumping so we were out in the hall, apparently they don't think it's safe to carry a baby in the hallway. BUT I did get to touch his smooth beautiful face, hands, and toes!! Best moment of my life. 
This photo took my breath away. It was such an amazing view to see big brother take notice of his baby brother. He's not fond of his name so he personally took it upon himself to name his baby brother. My aunt of course wasn't surprise because my cousin did the same thing when his baby brother was born. Like father like son. 

We also celebrated a birthday party for a 3 year old. Let's just say we enjoyed it more than the little ones. 

This upcoming weekend is my sister in laws shower. I still haven't decided what to buy but I'm sure once I'm standing in front of all this baby stuff I will just know. 

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. Someone you know is probably suffering from infertility and you might not even know it. Infertility can affect people differently emotionally. Some are afraid or even embarrassed to talk about it. Not here! I can be an open book with anyone if they are curious to know our story. J on the other hand is conservative when it comes to our situation. He isn't embarrassed to speak about it, he just chooses to be discrete.

When we officially attempted to start trying we, like any couple, announced that we were ready to expand our family. Worst mistake ever! Why is that? People became aware that months and years past by and still no baby. Undesired advice came our way that sooner or later I just smiled and pretended to appreciate their advice. THEN...that undesired advice turned to blame. Blaming us for not being able to conceive because J drank to much or smoked to much. I saw the agony in his heart when these comments were starting to get to him. Truth is, J isn't the cause of our infertility. I am. I have PCOS, a blocked fallopian tube, and just newly diagnosed Thyroid, when my body becomes pregnant. Yes, J has low concentration but lets be real here. There's just too many odds against us as one. After three failed IUIs, 1 fresh IVF, & a FET (which resulted in a blighted ovum) we became closer than ever. We share a bond that many couples will never get to experience. Some days are better than others but with each others support we will get through this.

We as humans are somehow programmed to try to solve every problem that gets thrown our way. Sometimes we just have to learn how to listen and give a shoulder to cry on. During my journey I have met many wonderful women. Some who are still struggling others who have beat infertility. My friendship has not changed with any of these women. Sure our conversation might have changed from infertility to the beauty of motherhood. From the bottom of my heart I truly enjoy both topics. Because regardless of their current status their friendship remained the same. Remembering my upcoming appointments, picking me up when I am feeling blue, etc. These are friendships I will forever cherish regardless of how my journey ends.

So next time you want to show support to an infertile friend, family, co-worker do something nice for them. Ask them how they're doing if they are open about their struggle. Say a little prayer for them. The smallest things are the ones that stay in our hearts.

Finally after 9 weeks the witch decided to make her appearance. About effin time!! Emotionally I was losing it. J even had the talk with me. The talk about me having a bad attitude and it was affecting our relationship. It took me by surprise but it snapped me back to reality. I needed to jus relax and let my body takes it's course. 

I was instructed to take Prometium for 10 days and then it could take 2 weeks for a new cycle to start. Well this girl cheated and ditched it after 7 days. Only because I knew I ovulated and didn't need it.  In reality I ditched it because my hormones were out of control. Every little thing made me cry and I had such a bad attitude. Totally sucked!! 

Once I saw AF I immediately emailed my nurse to let her know. Of course she was thrilled and said it was about time. We discussed my next FET cycle and how were going to fit it in with my upcoming vacay. My clinics FET cycle are 7 weeks long! Yes that's right I have to wait 7 weeks before we get another try. Ugh! Unfortunately the transfer was scheduled during our vacation and we had to push it out another week. At first I was disappointed that they couldn't move it up a week before. Then I decided to change my perspective and realized this is the best outcome. If we would have done it a week before I would have been extremely paranoid which would cause a stressful getaway. Who wants that? Not me! Specially during Js bday. 

June 13th I am ready for you!! Maybe it was meant to be. My close friend's bday is on June 13th and maybe it's meant to be. 

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