Wow I cannot believe I am writing a mommy post. Everything still feels surreal like I am going to wake up any minute now. Well waking up in the middle of the night doesn't count. (hahaha!) My little man is officially 3 weeks old today and I've been a full time mom now for 2 weeks. I don't count the week I was at the hospital since I had help from J & the nurses. I think the hardest part during these weeks is healing from surgery. I did stop the pain medications four days after leaving the hospital eventhough my body was not 100% healed. With that said I am truly grateful to have been blessed with an easy baby. (I hope it doesn't change anytime soon). Plus he is still strictly on breast milk which I'm still in disbelieve since my mother was never able to breastfeed. I do pump so he can be bottle fed to give J the opportunity to bond with him. When I first started doing this he refused to latch on because the bottle gave him instant milk when he was hungry. At first I was frustrated since at night he would cry as if someone was hurting him BUT i refused to give in. After giving him no choice he eventually gave in with some exceptions. He did not like latching on at night since my breast would be engorged. I didn't want to keep waking up J in the middle of the night so I reached out to a friend to get some tips on how she managed to breastfeed for a year. She did admit it took some time for her sons to get use to it since she also introduced the bottle. She did tell me to try my best not to get frustrated since he will sense it and will not latch on. Another thing she recommended was the nipple shield from Medela. I was hesitant since I knew he was able to latch just refused to at times. After reading reviews on it I decided to buy it since it could help with babies latching even when you became engorged. YAY! So far so good with using it at night.

When people say to stock up on pampers they weren't kidding. Our guest bedroom was filled with boxes of pampers and wipes. I ended up putting them inside his crib since he wouldn't be sleeping in it until 6 months. Sure enough once he arrived those bags/boxes started disappearing very quickly. 
*** I started this post on Monday but my little man woke up***

After writing this post Baby Ismael only used the nipple shield three times and now he latches on with no problem. Yay! So glad I didn't give in. He wakes up twice during the night to feed and goes back to sleep within 30 mins after each feed, unless he's half asleep then its instant. I've learned certain things help him go back to sleep when he's wide awake during the night. He loves when I run my fingers through his hair or when I lay him sideways on my chest with my hands between his legs patting his butt. 

When we first came home from the hospital I couldn't sleep in our bed since it was to high. We tried our guest bedroom for a couple days but it was too hot! So the living room it was, which led to him sleeping in his Rock N Play. (One of his favorite places to be). This became an issue since in our bedroom we had an attached cosleeper and he did not like it once we started sleeping in our room. It took some adjusting for him to finally sleep comfortably in it. After that he didn't like being in his Rock N Play, bahaha this kid is very picky. As of now he has learned to be in both without a problem. 
I know I am not a pro on parenting but I've learned what works for my son & me. This post is also all over the place but with a newborn waking up every 2-3 hours is hard to write a post without jumping all over the place. But I sure love waking up to this day & night. <3 
At my 37 week appointment with my Maternal Fetal Specialist we discussed induction at 39 weeks. Given my blood clotting disorder she felt that it was best to induce labor than wait around for it to happen. Baby boy was weighing and measuring perfectly that she did not have any concerns if he decided to make his appearance earlier. Unfortunately he was in no hurry to leave his first home. I experienced false labor twice in between 37-39 weeks. Even with those false contractions I wasnt dilating nor was my cervix softening. My appointment for induction was scheduled for August 3rd. My doctor instructed me to go to the hospital on Sunday Aug 2nd at 6pm to try and soften up my cervix before inducing me. My emotions were all over the place knowing that I may be meeting my son soon. J & I cleaned up a bit before we left to the hospital.

Once we arrived to the hospital and I was all settled in J asked if I was scared. I took a second before I answered his question. Was I scared to give birth to my son? No. My fear of not knowing how to care for him was greater. The fear of dropping him, hurting him, etc was a nightmare to me. So I confessed my greatest fear to J and he told me not to worry about it he was sure I would be fine, if and when I needed help my mom will be there to help me. I started feeling the medicine working as cramps started to rear their ugly face. Once morning came around the nurse allowed me to get out of bed to shower or walk around for 20 minutes before starting the pitocin. At around 7:20 am my Doctor came in to check on my progress. The only progress was my cervix was 75% effaced but still 1 cm dilated. Sigh He broke my water, let me just say this was not fun he stopped like two times since my cervix was so high the second time around I told him to just get it over with since the pain wasn't going away, once that was done the contractions really started picking up. J was at my side trying to calm me down by calming down my breathing. This worked for about 10 minutes. My contractions went from every 2 minutes then 1 minute and then BAM! every 30 seconds. The pain was excruciating to the point that I felt like I was going to throw up since I couldn't catch my breath. Let me just say the side bar on those hospital beds are a savor! Since the contractions were to sudden I immediately asked for the epidural. I had to wait about an hour since the anesthesiologist was assisting with a c section. To be honest I started crying because I wasn't getting any relief. The nurse must have felt horrible for me because she kept trying to check if the anesthesiologist was available. She gave me a bit of motrin to ease the pain until he was available. Luckily he showed up 10 minutes after and prepped me up to give me the epidural. I felt nothing besides the twitching of my right leg like he told me I would. Finally I was able to breath right and rest. I told J he could leave to get something to eat since it might take all day.

I attempted to rest as everyone recommended to regain my strength. I was in and out of sleep constantly worrying about my son. The nurse lowered the volume on the machines in hopes that it would help me rest better. Even if I try to remember everything that happened within those hours I cant. I just recall feeling weak, sick, and worried that I couldnt feel my son moving. I was trying to force myself to turn around so I can at least see the screen. The screen detecting my son's heart rate and movement. J seemed to walk in at the perfect time. I told him to call the nurse because i couldnt breath right and I was really weak. I begged him to go look at our sons vitals for me because I couldnt feel him or hear anything. My heart stopped when he told me his heart rate was at 98 and dropping. I yelled at him to call the nurse but as I did she ran into the room. Asked J to help her turn me to my left she put an oxygen mask on me. She was adjusting the straps around my stomach when Dr V walked into the room. She looked at him and told him the pitocin had been off for 30 minutes now. I was only dilated 4 cm when they made the decision to turn it off. Apparently every time I had a contraction his heart rate would drop. My contractions were still every 30 seconds. I remember him looking me in the eyes, with fear in them, and told me he was sorry but he was not taking any chances on losing my son. They were hoping his vitals would become stable once the medication was turned off but they were getting worst. Not only that but my vitals were not normal either. My mind went blank all I could do is nod my head.

I recall nurses rushing into my room to prep me for surgery. I felt extremely cold, incoherent, with lots of anxiety. The thought of losing my son now after everything was my biggest fear ever. The rushed me over to the surgery room and asked J to wait outside until they finished prepping me up. The anesthesiologist asked me if I had felt something but all I could get out was "Huh?" He figured since I was confused then they were good to proceed. I knew they had started cutting me up but J wasnt by my side. Then my Dr yelled out "Why isn't the husband in here? Get him in here now!" When J appeared at my side I didnt even recognize him. He held my hand and asked how I was doing. All I could do was cry. (I'm even crying now just thinking about that moment) I kept anxiously waiting to hear his cry. Then my doctor announced he was pulling the baby out, I held my breath then squeezed J's hand, I felt a sudden pull then I heard the most beautiful sound ever. Everyone always talks about how memorable and beautiful it is to hear your baby's first cry and they werent wrong. When I heard it my heart skipped a beat. At that moment my fear of not being able to care for him vanished. Its unexplainable but I just felt it in my heart.

Baby Ismael Jesus born August 3rd, 2015 @ 12:11pm. 6lbs and 13oz 20 inches

Just as my heart felt relieved I turned around and threw up. It was not fun throwing up while you're basically glued to that bed and the only thing you can do is turn your head. When baby Ismael was born a nurse walked in and told J they moved all our stuff to a new room. She handed him our camera bag incase he wanted to take pictures. I think J was in shock that he said thank you but didnt pull out the camera. As weak as I was I managed to tell him to take pictures. With all the chaos going on I overheard the nurse say, :Let go little one." Turns out Baby Ismael was born pulling his hair and wouldn't let go of it. Just a couple seconds old and he's already showing character. I was wheeled off to a recovery room where I was allowed to hold my son. Unfortunately that didnt last long since I had no control of my left hand. I felt hopeless and useless. How was my son suppose to feed if I couldnt even hold him without falling asleep. They transferred me back to L&D since I was losing a lot of blood. My Dr came in to check on my after the nurse gave me medication to hopefully stop the bleeding. He gave the ok for me to be transferred to Postpartum recovery. Once their I was told I had lost a lot of blood after my surgery and they didnt know why. The medication I was given was to hopefully help my uterus contract and stop the heavy bleeding. For about 3 days I felt extremely weak, it didnt matter how much sleep I was getting my body would just give out. J really stepped up on taking care of our son while I couldn't. They kept me in the hospital for 4 nights & 5 days since my blood count was extremely low. If I didnt recover on my own I would need a blood transfusion before they released me from the hospital. Once again God was at our side and I recovered slowly but surely. During our stay I took full advantage of the lactation consultants. I knew I wanted to at least attempt to breast feed before I threw in the towel but baby Ismael wouldn't suck for very long. He gave us between 1 and 2 before he just completely stopped. In the mean time everyone made me feel guilty that I was starving him so I gave in to formula. Then one of the nurses asked me why I was doing both instead of sticking to one. I told her the truth that I felt like I was starving him. She explained to J and I that a baby's tummy is extremely small therefor he will get full with 2-4 drops of colostrum. If I am doing both all I am doing is expanding his stomach which then he would expect more colostrum than I am giving him.

She said to give it a try for a day to see how it goes. Yes I would have to feed him more frequently but its expected since they digest it a lot faster than formula. She even helped me with getting him to latch on and actually feed properly. I also requested a pump when I was having a difficult time latching him. They gave me a manual one and the electric one once they saw that i was actually able to pump out colostrum to feed him with a syringe. By the time we left the hospital he was exclusively just breastfed. I didnt know how long it would last and if I was even going to produce milk. The first day we were home I cried since I didnt have my pain meds and i was experiencing engorgement. I was so close on throwing in the towel but I pushed myself even though it hurt.

Now a week and 2 days after his birth I am starting to wean off of the pain medications. Still exclusively breastfeeding. I know with a c section the pain can come and go so I am taking it day by day. J went back to work this week so my mom comes by every once in a while to check on me and bring me food. I never imagined the love you can have for a person so small. I wake up in disbelief that he is actually mine.

~If you are still waiting for your miracle baby dont give up. Your day will come even if it seems like the journey will never end. Even after finally crossing over to motherhood I will never forget my battle to get here. I am proud to say he is my IVF miracle.~

For those who follow me on Instagram know that my baby boy has made his grand debut. I haven't gotten around to writing his birth story since I am still trying to recover. At this point I am can honestly say I am glad I did not write a birthing plan because nothing ever goes as plan. What matter is that our son is here with us and I am recovering well.

As soon as I get the opportunity I will post Ismael Jesus birth story. For now I leave u with some pictures so you can meet my little man.

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