Ovulation that is. It seems that my body went clueless as to what it's suppose to do when it's not on meds. Total drug addict, ugh! Considering she's been on medication since last year I won't judge. After my miscarriage I had to be put on progesterone to induce a period. On CD 26 with no signs of the big O! My body usually doesn't go past CD23 without ovulating. After 3 bloodwork appointments Dr B decided an ultrasound was required. "Well...it seems like ur ovaries are taking a nap. Which explains ur thin lining. Soooooo...we expected this, right? No stress, feeling natural. Everything looks as it should." My nurse laughs, "I disagree, she came in here yesterday stressed out because age hadn't ovulated." Very true. 

What's the plan? Prometium for 10 days, on day 8 I will incorporate Lupron into the mix, and wait for AF to schedule a baseline ultrasound. 
I had my hysteroscopy yesterday. I felt great after it to the point that I did not fill my prescription. I don't recall being in this much pain last time I had this surgery. I instantly googled it because every inch of my body was aching as if I worked out. The only part of my body that is not in pain is the surgery area. Ugh! Sure enough I found an article that says this is common in young women the day after surgery. It can last 2-3 days!!! Are you serious?? I had to leave work today because I couldn't even walk on how sore I am. It's awful! I feel like in an old person right now. It takes me a while to even get up to do something for myself. I can't even roll over in bed. 

I have to admit that I had a better experience on my last hysteroscopy. I was nervous but calm thinking J was going to be with me most of the time. Wrong. I'm not sure if it was because this place was strictly for surgeries compared to the las facility. I was literately surround my patients who were patients at m clinic. We were literately just separated by a curtain. No privacy at all. Last time I got m own room and my aunt was with me 24/7 except dying surgery of course. When I woke up she wa there. This time around I woke up to find J missing. I had to go to the restroom by myself after waking up. J said an hour went by after the Dr talked to him and he was gettin worried that he still couldn't see me. When I woke up my jaw hurt so bad. The nurses said it was because they had to put a tube down my throat. People I don't remember any of this being done last time. 

The staff was great but who wants to wake up to see strangers and not a familiar face? I pray to god that I do not have to go through this surgery ever again. Dr B removed two big polyps and told J we were ready to conceive. I have faith we will get our miracle baby soon. All this pain has to be worth it!! 

Dear Polyps,

Sorry to say but we can't be friends. I'm not sure why you keep insisting on being so attached to my uterus. She doesn't like you and would greatly appreciate it if you both left her alone. 

Yup those pesky polyps have made their appearance once again. This time around I have two. One smack dab in the middle of my uterus and the other on the side. The one in the middle looked rather huge. Sigh. This means I will need to have another hysteroscopy. Only good news, I considered it good, is HSG confirmed that my left tube is definitely blocked from the inside of my uterus. Either that or doesn't like the dye at all. Dr B wasn't concern and said she sticks with her previous decision of not needing further surgery to look at the tube. 

Since we did away with BCP we are also doing away with any other form of pill. No estrogen pills I will be on the patches. No PIO this round either just vaginal progesterone. I guess they really wanted to change things around. I'm just glad my behind gets a break. Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday the 15th. For a second, or more like half a day, tht surgery wasn't going to happen. As I mentioned J has been sort of questioning our treatment lately. When I told him I needed surgery he wasn't pleased but he was ok with it. Later that same day his perspective changed. He was not having it! He basically said he wanted us to just stop all this. All I could do was respect his decision so I cancelled everything. When I did I felt my heart breaking but I knew in my heart we were a team and if he wasn't ready then I should give him time. When he finally got home from work he told me he just couldn't stand seeing me in pain. He can't bare seeing me suffer after surgery. After discussing it I realized he was confusin this surgery with the egg retrieval. Hence OHSS. Yes, I got extremely sick during that time to the point that I couldn't breath. So it all made sense on why he was so upset. He wasn't present during my last hysteroscopy so he was sorta clueless. 

So after laying everything on the table he agreed to move forward. I was stressed out this morning trying to get them to schedule the surgery again. My nurse wasn't responding so I immediately thought it wasn't going to happen. Then I had the scheduler call and basically told me, "Dont worry I have a husband too and I know how they can be." (: 

Dr B says we can start my FET cycle after I begin my new cycle no need for a break. Yay! Happy Friday everyone!! 
What I had assumed became reality. From the start of our cycle I knew there was something off. It didn't feel the same, my body was not acting in the same format as the previous FET. I just kept telling myself they know best, if they feel I'm progressing then so be it. 

To say that I'm 100% ok would be an absolute lie. Do I accept it? Yes. Everyone around me seems more upset than I do. J even pointed out that this didn't affect me as much as last time. Is it numbness? No. I just found peace and comfort in The Lord. I truly believe he will make me a mother. 

During my transfer I found out my Dr left to Houston to deliver babies. I was sort of shocked that no one bothered to tell me he left. The only thing on my mind was, "Who's gonna be my Dr now?" I let my nurse know when she was drawing blood work for my beta that I already knew it was negative. I wanted to know who my Dr was going to be. I also made it extremely clear that I did not want to see Dr A for asshole. After my miscarriage I was not fond on how he delivered the news. She was in the room so she knew what I was referring to when she mentioned his name. I left and she took it upon herself to talk to the new Dr and proposed to her to take me as a patient. As I expected I received a call from Dr Baltazar later that day asking if I could come in so we can create a new plan and get in the same page. 

She just moved from Alaska, military husband, and promised me she was here to stay. She wants to personally handle my treatment and gave me her word to always be there when I'm scheduled and be 100% honest. (Drs tend to rely on other Drs in the office to cover for them when they're out or unexpected events happen.) As she began to go over my file she made a comment about my file being extremely informative. Hence thick file. She would not expect that at my age. Which reminded me of a convo J and I had over the weekend. I basically told him this cycle is going to snap them back into reality. Yes I'm young but there's obviously something wrong here. Stop writing it off as badluck. 

She asked about our first FET and the results of it. She then mentioned how our genetic testing came back abnormal. Excuse me!! I was told it was normal. Fail. Our baby was not genetically normal he had a chromosome translocation. The reason they assumed it was normal was because the lab titled it normal genetic male, as u continued to read the report it says otherwise. To say I was shocked is an understatement. What's worst to know or not to know? 

Once we got passed that we discussed our next steps. She wants me to do another hysteroscopy to make sure polyps did not grow back. I declined and said I rather do saline ultrasound first because I don't just have a thousand dollars laying around. Unless it's medically necessary no thanks. We discussed my tube blockage and the effect it has on implantation. She said she has to agree with Dr. Brown's prognosis on it not affecting implantation due to blockage being in the uterus. She promised to review my x-ray again to confirm. I received a text from my nurser that she would want to perform an HSG again to get a new X-Ray. I am sort of glad this clinic performs their own HSGs and I don't have to go elsewhere. During our appointment I pointed out that birth control and I don't mesh well together. Ultimately I believe it affects my lining. She explained that they normally place you on birth control when women have irregular cycles, which I do, then asked me if I am able to pin point ovulation. I do! I do! At least I have something functioning in my body that I am able to know when I am ovulating even if its later than the norm.  

Dr B was actually pretty pleased that I brought the no birth control topic in our discussion. I explained to her that during my IVF cycle I was on BCP for a long time due to unexpected surgery and scheduling issues. My lining was the size they wanted it but not tripled. At first I assumed it was the start of OHSS because they saw fluid in my uterus. With my 1st FET i saw with my own eyes that my lining was tripled. 2nd FET I was on BCP for more than 3 weeks again scheduling issues, no triple lining. Is it a coincidence? Dont think so! She was excited that we were at least of the same page as far as the uterus needing a little work before we proceed with another FET. We also discussed the fact that IF for whatever reason my lining is not tripled then we will cancel the transfer. I'm ok with this. Its possible that at the moment if this would occur I would be devastated but we also dont want to risk losing another two embryos. After talking to a few fellow friends who've had success with FET/IVF assisted hatching was brought to my attention.

You guess it...I asked her about it and mentioned the fact that embryologist believe the shell hardens after the embryos are frozen. She smiled and told me to stay off the internet. She admitted that yes some of it its true but it also depends on age. She says in her years of treating patients that she can gather a group that say AH allowed them to be successful as well as another group with the same amount of people that would say otherwise. Of course she did not want to persuade me not to do it but she is a bit nervous given my age, smh my age hasnt gotten me pregnant yet, and the percentage of one or two splitting to identical twins. Her plan is to get me pregnant not to get me there and give me more complications. Regardless she would talk to embryologist since he's the expert.

After i left the appointment I texted my nurse to ask her her honest opinion about AH. IHO- she believes it helps. So i threw it in there that Dr B was against it because of my age. The sweet nurse as she is, she assured me that wasnt the case. She said I have no idea how many people in this clinic wanted my next cycle to be successful and they will do whatever it takes to get me there. (tear) She promised me to she will talk to T, embryologist, in regards to my case and we can go from there. A couple days later she text me to confirm my appointment and mentioned that AH will be done with this next FET. They dont normally do it but in my case he will since our FETs haven't been successful.

So...thursday is the day I find out if surgery is needed or if we can continue with our FET cycle. J is a little apprehensive about everything. he feels like they haven't given us any answers and when I told him the risk of AH he says he doesn't know if that is the best thing for us. He doesn't want to risk losing an embryo or two just because of it. We're a team so when the day comes and he still doesnt feel comfortable then we will decline. He's also against me having any further surgeries, I love him to pieces for being so concern with me but I told him that if I dont feel like I gave it my all it will eat me up inside.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you..." (Isaiah 43:2 NIV)
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