Our little Angel

It's been a while...I guess I try not to think about it so I find other things to do. I'm going to try my best to blog more because in the end this is a place I write to remember my IF journey. 

Fridays use to be exciting days but now they just remind me of our little angel. It was a Friday when I found out that our baby wasn't growing at a normal pace. The following Friday we got the devastating news that our pregnancy wasn't developing. I used to look forward to Fridays and now I struggle to even get past them. I will eventually get over it...I know I will. Time heals. 

We did get some good news though. Results came back from the genetic/ karyotype testing as normal. Our little boy  did not have any chromosomal abnormalities which gives us a sense of relief. A part of me always knew it was a boy. Strangely I see myself as a mother of boys. Why? Idk I prefer sports over girly stuff. Don't get me wrong I always tell J I want a little girl because let's face it girls are fun to dress! And I want a baby girl to be able to share the same bond I have with my mom. 

I bought this when we went through our first fresh cycle in hopes to give it to J when I got a +. He eventually got to see it  during  our  FET cycle. (: 

I got this in hopes to tell my parents. They never got to see it. 

Again my heart said boys! 
When we found out the sex of our little angel our hearts finally got some closure. This lost felt more real that what science said it was. 

We dont have answers on to why this happened but I'm checking it off to my thyroid and my body not knowing what to do with the pregnancy. We were concerned that the rest of our embryos might be abnormal and we had to do PGD testing. Knowing the results gives us one less thing to worry about. There's so much going through my head but I just can't put it into words. 
 Our next FET will bring us a take home baby, I just know it! We will get past this bump on the road and our hearts will heal. My HCG was finally below 5 on Friday (again a Friday!) it was at 4. Still no sign of AF and I am growing impatient. Pulled out the thermometer over the weekend to see if my body is finally doing something. So far NADA! Sigh! At least my thyroid finally dropped to .47!! Woohoo! Don't have to worry about it elevating and being above normal range once I get pregnant again. 

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  1. While a loss like this is always hard, I'm so glad you also are feeling a bit of peace and are looking forward. Thinking of you always. Hope your period comes soon!! Sounds like it will. :)

  2. I hope AF arrives very soon so you can start a new cycle of FET. And I'm praying that will bring you your bundle of 49ers joy! :)

  3. I admire your resolve and your attitude of knowing this FET is going to work! You ARE going to be successful with one of those amazing little frozen embryos. I'm glad you know it in your heart, because I really think you are right!

  4. Wow this stuff is so hard. I am glad you were able to get some closure and I love your positivity about the next cycle! I am praying for you!!

  5. I love your determination that this next one will be it! Hoping and praying your take home baby is on its way very soon.