I am excited to say my body finally ovulated on its own after 12 months. Last time my body ovulated was during a egg collection. That was last year in October!! With two miscarriages in between I was never gave my body the opportunity to heal itself naturally. I mean who wants to take a break from TTC? Hehehe! I'm sure the liquid vitex and the other herbal supplement help with a little help of massage oil made from essential oils (all from the same company). I had only taken them for 11 days when my bbt dropped indicating possible ovulation, confirmed with OPK. Of course I was in denial until i could confirm it.

I saw my Dr today and she ordered blood work to confirm ovulation. If i in fact ovulated they will be scheduling my endometrial tickle next week. She was very pleased to hear I ovulated on my own but I'm sure she wasn't as over the moon like moi.

RPL results are in...

I tested negative for everything except the lupus antibodies. Which I was expecting. I guess we have an answer as to why my body keeps rejecting my embryos. Thanks to Emily @ Eatloveprocreate.blogspot.com, I purchased the book she recommended "Is your Body baby friendly." I must admit it is very interesting and easy to understand. With the help of this book my Dr & I were able to come up with a plan. (Also I think I pretty much went off of Ems successful protocol. If it worked for her then why not?) 

New protocol: 

No BCPs. 

Endo tickle

Lupron 

Vivelle patches 

Steroids 

Lovenox 

2ml of PIO  (We decided to ditch endometrin)

Transfer 1 6D blastocyst to ensure a safe pregnancy  (because we ARE conceiving again, positive thinking here)

This plan isn't concrete as I haven't received my new calendar. I am just going off of what we agreed on during our consult. She is still waiting on our karotype testing but is confident it wouldn't change our protocol. 

That's it for now just wanted to give a quick update. Have a great weekend everyone!

Yesterday's follow included 12 vials of blood work, ultrasound, and peeing in a cup. First of all I'm glad my vein was in a good mood. Even the nurse said, "Well that was easy."

They are doing an RPL panel & Karotype genetic testing to see what is going on. Ultrasound revealed my body did as it should leaving my lining at 4mm. I did let them know I was experiecing a bit of discomfort down there but there was no infection. I guess my cervix is just a bit sensitive. HCG level came back at 29, hopefully by next week it's down to 0.

Results for testing will take 1-2 weeks & 3-4 weeks to come back. I'm guessing the RPL panel is 1-2 weeks since she mentioned calling me with a new plan next week. Like last cycle I will not be put on birth control. We are just going to allow my body to heal and hopefully ovulate on its own so I can avoid taking progesterone. I did start taking liquid extract vitex in hopes that it will help my hormones balance. Thanks to Caroline I am also getting the best sleep ever. She allowed me to use her discount to order lavender & peace and calming essential oils. First time using them gave me a headache but with her tips I am loving it. Peace and calming puts me right to sleep even when I don't feel tired. Besides these I'm also taking UteriCalm, it's a mixture of herbal extracts to prepare the uterus for conception. It's hard to stomach but whatever helps my uterus prepare for baby I will deal with it.

Since we saw benefits of having surgery before my last FET, just like our prior successful FET, Dr B is recommending an Endometrial Tickle. She explained that instead of putting me through surgery again this was the alternative. She will go into my uterus with a catheter to "rough up" my uterus to force it to heal and create new blood flow. I of course had to Google it and found that it is frequently used by RE. Another concern I had was if i would experience any discomfort during the procedure. The nurses face said it all so Dr B explained that the name could be deceiving. It's in fact not a tickle and it's not pleasant. (Scared face). I'm sure it can't be as bad as the drainage procedure I had when I had OHSS. 

I'm still debating if i should switch back to PIO instead of vaginal suppositories. She doesn't believe the miscarriage was caused by low progesterone so she wants to keep me on Endometrin. A part of me is scared to be put on it again and my body not absorbing them properly. I'm sure we can discuss this in depth when she calls me with a new plan when she gets my results back. 

Here's for another waiting game.

I was devastated when I miscarried a week before a wedding we had to attend in California. My mind was going in circles thinking how they're going to get pregnant before us, etc. Once we were there in took me a day to wrap my head around everything. Then I was able to enjoy our getaway. Before we left on Thursday I received this email and it changed my perspective.

Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand the reason behind the why but I have faith he has a plan for us.

The wedding ended up being a blast. I was elated that my best friend in HS was marrying the love of her life. J and the groom were next door neighbors throughout their childhood, so their wedding was special to both of us. Although I dislike when people ask about having kids I dared to ask it myself. Which led to a very long/emotional conversation. I advised her against waiting so long to start having their first kid. I actually encouraged her to start trying. With tears in her eyes and a few hug exchanges she expressed her sadness for our losses. Of course she still wants to be able to travel and enjoy her marriage a bit but said she might consider not waiting for as long as she wants to. 

A few other HS friends I had personal conversations with also expressed their sadness. One even admitted she hasn't been able to conceive since her miscarriage back in HS. I saw the worry in her face and it broke my heart. I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to vent my feelings without these ladies dismissing my pain. 

On Thursday I will be going in for blood work to check my hcg levels. Personally I think they're probably at 0 or close to. I stopped bleeding on Saturday and have occasional spotting. My only concern is that I either have a UTI or infection. Fx that it isn't anything major.

I woke up bleeding again...I wasn't going to wait until Wednesday afternoon to confirm what I already knew. I text my nurse to make her aware and I wanted to go in today because we were going out of town this weekend. I didn't want to be in a the midst of a miscarriage while I was at a wedding. She agreed so we can get it oger with. My Dr called earlier than last time to confirm this was not a viable pregnancy.  I can't say I was surprised by the news. Her reaction was extremely shocking...she was the one in disbelief of what was going on. It boggles her mind to see a perfectly good ultrasound only to get contradicting results.

At this point they think it's my body rejecting the embryos. My levels were more than doubling,  which she was ecstatic about, then two days later my body just decided to terminate the pregnancy. I was at the mall shopping for my wedding attire only to be scarred for life. I will never forget my trip to the restroom that day. J didn't believe me when I told him i was bleeding.  He laughed a little and told me to stop playing games. When he saw me on the phone calling my nurse his face expression completely changed. Tears started flowing down my face and we headed home. By his reaction and constant questioning I figured he was in shock. Denial perhaps but then again so was I.

Dr B & A had a discussion before she called me. They both agreed that although my first loss was due to chromosomal abnormality I need a recurrent pregnancy loss panel. My first thought was Lupus because my aunt has it. Before I did the transfer she insisted I get tested for Lupus given that I am vitamin D deficient. Regardless of the results my Dr wants me on Lovenox for our next cycle.  She prefers us not to take a break and just jump right into another cycle. We also agreed to transfer one embryo this time around. We had two different perspectives as to why. Considering we only have three embryos left she doesn't want to lose more than one if I were to miscarry again. Personally I agreed to one solely for the reason that my body can't hold a pregnancy in the first place why risk my body going haywire and it's unable to support twins. A healthy pregnancy is my goal right now. Getting pregnant is not the problem (via IVF) it's staying pregnant. As long as my polyps don't come back then we still have a fighting chance.

Strangely when I started bleeding J and I discussed adoption. (J has never been on board with adoption, his perspective had always been "if I can't have my own biological child then I rather be childless.") When I brought it up I expected the same cut throat comment to end the subject...instead his response was "If that's what God wants then that's what we will do."  My jaw dropped then I realized he was grieving the loss of this pregnancy. We didn't discuss this in detail but we agreed that it's something we will start saving for if that is where our path is leading us.

I am grateful that my mother was aware of this pregnancy. Having her support means the world to me. Even if she doesn't fully comprehend what's happening. I know she wishes she can do something to heal my pain. Thank you all for your loving comments and support. I know all three of our angels are in a better place.

After excessively bleeding all Saturday with clots I finally went in for blood work today.  The bleeding slowed down but it hasn't vanished. They did a beta and progesterone level test. We were about to leave when my Dr stopped me. She said she could do another ultrasound but warned me there probably wasn't much to see since I'm only 5 weeks. Ultrasound showed 2 tiny sacs and a lining of 8. The Dr didn't have an explanation as to why I'm bleeding. She gave us a bit of hope  before we left but when the call never came I knew it was bad news. At exactly 3:43 my Dr called, my heart dropped, I knew then it wasn't good news. She said my levels went for 2914 (Thursdays results) to 1509. She was a bit confused given that the ultrasound showed otherwise. The only good thing is that my P levels went from 7 to 28. I think i had something to do with it though. I was so desperate for the bleeding to stop that I took progesterone orally. If that's what caused it to go up then this pregnancy is over. Or my body is finally recognizing the pregnancy and we can hold on to hope. Lastly it could also be a vanishing twin.

We should know more by Wednesday afternoon. If my hcg levels rise then we may have a miracle baby or it could also mean we will be preparing for a miscarriage. Please send a prayer our way.

It's over...not even when your numbers more than double does it mean everything is progressing as it should. I didn't even make it to my first ultrasound when this pregnancy was taken from me.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was feeling excited about this FET. So just like our first FET I ordered little baby items on amazon. I didn't place the order until the day of our transfer because i also wanted to order pregnancy test and didn't want the temptation to test early. The package arrived on Wednesday and I cried when I opened it. I bought onesies for when I tell my parents. 

I also decided to buy some books and a little outfit. 

Of course in this same package were the HPT. I started getting anxiety looking at them because I had no symptoms at all. The ones I did have I wrote them off as progesterone side effects. I told myself I would test when I was ready to handle whatever came my way. 

That same night I had the strangest dream ever.  I was at my clinic in a room with 2 other women. None of us have had a beta at that point. (Well I hadn't lol idk about them) but here we were in a small little room with my Dr doing an ultrasound. Weirder thing was that she didn't want us looking at the screen. She told us she was just doing it for her own viewing and didn't want us to worry. For some strange reason I saw the reflection of the screen and was able to see two beautiful sacs. I smiled and she knew I was able to see. (Yes I know it's physically impossible to be able to see anything that early on). Then I woke up and got the courage to test. 

I peed on the stick placed it beside me and didn't even wait 3 mins when I wrote it off as a BFN. I went to bed, or tried, almost crying. Asking why? Not the month my baby was due.  A couple hours later I woke up only to see two lines on the test. I was in shock and I immediately took a pic and sent it two to lovely ladies that have held my hand through this journey. They both assured me it wasn't an evap. I still had my guard up because I didn't see it turn +. I decided to hold my excitement in until I tested again the next morning. To my surprise there it was a bit darker. 

 

I tested again at 8dp5dt and saw an immediate dark line. My Dr wanted me to wait until 10dp5dt for my beta. She didn't want me worrying if my #s came back on the low side. Today's beta confirmed I am "indeed very pregnant", in my nurse's words. Beta came back at 824. I have to go back Thursday to check my levels again.

When I shared the news with my dearest friend, she sent me this. I thought it was the cutest thing.

I'm still remaining cautious considering what happened last time. I want to enjoy this as much as I can but sometimes it can be difficult. During the weekend I tried my best to relax. It was a challenge to avoid drinking without people questioning why I wasn't drinking. Overall I had fun enjoying the view of the waves.

South Padre Island, Tx

This time around  shared the news with my mother the day before beta.  I asked her to keep it a secret considering what happened last time and she agreed. Praying that everything works out this time around.