Two More Cycles...

Until I get my first chance at an IUI. On December 3rd I went in for my HSG test, as I mentioned on another post, and the doctor was unable to get the catheter through my cervix. I couldn't really tell u how many times he tried because he just kept moving it and I felt so uncomfortable. He finally gave up and said I needed to be dialated of this test was ever going to get done...he will send the results to my RE and see how he wants to proceed. They should receive the results in 24hrs were his last words. More than 24 hours have passed and I hadn't heard back from my RE's office. I gave them a call today to see of they have received the results and what was the next step. I explained to the nurse that they were unable to perform the test cause the catheter wouldn't go through. She said she spoke to Dr. M and the other doctor had called him and told him what happened. Dr. M wants me to go in early morning tomorrow so they can dialate me and then send me off to do the HSG again on the same day.

I was speechless to hear that they couldn't just try the treatment and see how it goes. =[ What if my tubes aren't block or anything? What if my IUI works and I don't have to go the extra mile? I know they won't allow it...but that's my personal opinion. I can't afford to do another HSG again this month. Xmas is on the way and there's money to be spent. My insurance only covers 80% of the test and I had to pay $190 at the appt. I can't cough up almost $200 again. So where does that leave us? I have to wait until next cycle to go through the pain of an HSG/ dialation procedure to even start treatment. My cycles are all wonky and I probably won't be doing my first IUI until the ends of February or beginning of March. So much for being pregnant before my brothers wedding.

DH is feeling very sentimental towards my actions lately. He says I have let all this TTC stuff get to me and he doesn't feel like I love him. I try to tell him that I don't mean to be "bitchy" towards him or anyone else...its just hard for me to keep getting bad news. He tries to understand but he says I need to understand I am not the only one suffering. What to do? I can't control my emotions...I just feel worthless at times. Crying doesn't really help me anymore it just frustrates me more that I see my dream vanishing from my reach. I love DH deeply, I dnt want to hurt his feelings I just need him to love me and show it more than ever.
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6 comments:

  1. I am sorry you are having so much trouble in this journey! IF is just not fair! It effects the whole family but the woman going through it so much more. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

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  2. This is crappy!! I am so sorry you are having to pay the money and repeat this. The thing with DH is just hard, mine says the same thing, but it's just how it is. How does one minute go by when you don't think of TTC? I'd like to be free of me too. I am really hoping that once you can do the test the BFP part will come easier s you can finally move forward. *hugs*

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    1. It makes me feel better knowning my DH isnt the only one with these thoughts. I guess I just need to find a way to relieve my frustration.

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  3. Sorry to hear you are having to A) wait to repeat the HSG and B) pay for the HSG again. I'm shocked they won't repeat it for free since it wasn't even performed.

    However, hang tight girly. It's really good they are doing that test first. I am experiencing my first ectopic pregnancy and if you really want to see why they want to MAKE SURE your tubes are open BEFORE they get you pregnant just google "ectopic pregnancy" and you will feel much better about waiting to make sure those tubes are nice and open. I think that will put things in perspective a little.

    I know it's hard to wait and it sucks to pay so much for treatment, but it will all be worth it in the end. Enjoy your holidays with your man and just enjoy each other. It may be the last Christmas you have with just the two of you, so enjoy it now...very likely it may be the last one. :)

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    1. To be honest I haven't asked if I will be charged again. I keep wanting to call my insurance and ask about this. I don't want them to decline payment since they had already paid for it. I will also need to call the Imaging place to see if I will have to pay for it again. I was so bummed out that I didnt bother to investigate.

      I cant't even imaging the pain you are going through, Emily. I happened to find this phrase that reminded me of you. "God will never leave you empty. He will replace everything you lost. If he asks you to put something down, it's because he wants you to pick up something greater." This journey can seem to be never ending for you but hang in there. *HUGS*

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