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Pregnancy is suppose to be full of joy and excitement. The kind that makes you want to blurt out to a random stranger "I'm PREGNANT!" Guilt fills my heart every time I realize that my own emotions are fear, stress and anxiety. Am I going to continue feeling this way throughout this pregnancy? Sometimes I wish I was oblivious to everything that can go wrong. Its merely impossible to erase my experiences throughout this journey. So the only obvious thing to do is close my eyes and pretend.

I haven't been to work for a week now. Fear gets the best of me that I just can't bring myself to go to work. Tomorrow is a new day and I might give it a try. Yesterday I was having a super lazy day at home. Cooking was probably the only activity I did besides washing dishes. And just like that my body decided to bleed out again. I got ready for bed and decided to call the clinic first thing in the morning. J was detached since the minute he woke up. Not a word was spoken until we arrived at the clinic. Dr B does a great job on keeping my mind at ease. She reminded us that all we can do is take a look and see what's going on. So we did...our little miracle is still trucking along growing with a heartbeat.

There's still no explanation as to why I'm sporadically bleeding. There's no bleeding in my uterus and gestational sac is attached all the way around. Dr B says she has another patitient who was taken off of lovenox due to bleeding. Unfortunately I can't stop or don't want to because I have three major reasons to be on them. Not only that but thanks to these meds this is the farthest we've ever gotten in a pregnancy. So what do we do? We suck it up and take it day by day. I will be having monitoring appts every four days to check on the progress of the baby. Since it seems like every four days my body decides to bleed.

Dr B said if she could bring me in every day she would or if she could have me carry an ultrasound machine with me to ease my mind she would hand it off to me. J of course shook his head in disapproval. She laughed and asked if it was a bad idea. "It will make her a little more crazy," was his response. Every four days it is! Of course Dr B reassured me it's not a bother for me to come in so often and it wouldn't cause any harm to the baby to keep looking. We've been through a lot this year as it is so for now this is the way things will be handled.

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12 comments:

  1. YAY for growing and a heartbeat!! And maybe you can just snatch the ultrasound machine next time...?? I'm sure no one would notice... ;)

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  2. Awesome news!! What exactly are you on the Lovenox for?

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  3. So awesome that everything with baby is going well! Some of my friends have bled the WHOLE pregnancy! The hard part each body is different, glad you are taking action and getting seen by the doctor. Praying rest of your mind friend!

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  4. Oh how stressful! I'm so sorry you have to go through this! It's good your Dr is willing to see you so regularly to put your mind at ease!

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  5. so glad you're still hanging in there along with little baby P... keep the faith girl that this one will make it to be your take home miracle... xoxo!

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  6. I attend a baby loss support group, and we talk often about how our past experiences shape/influence our current ones. For the good, bad, and ugly, they just do and that's okay!

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  7. My sister bled her whole pregnancy. I can see how spotting would worry you, but everything went fine! I hope for your peace of mind and healthy pregnancy !

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  8. I am so glad to see this post!! I know it's hard but each step is moving forward so that's wonderful news :)

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  9. I'm so relieved to hear things are still looking good. I wish the bleeding would just stop to give you some peace. You certainly deserve that. Hang in there. I'm cheering for you and that little one!! xoxoxo

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  10. I thought about you all day yesterday. So thankful for this post. I love that your doctor is so amazing. JoJo I have had a good feeling about this baby from the beginning. Praying this is your take home baby.

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  11. Bleeding is so stressful. Just wondering if you have a perinatologist you can see in addition to your RE? They have MUCH more sophisticated machinery usually and their exams are much more thorough...do you think it might give you more peace of mind to be getting that 2nd opinion....having 2 people tell you it's going well from different perspectives? I found it did for me. My peri was a HUGE part of my pregnancy. He was the expert on Lovenox and agreed with the steroid use, even moreso than RE and OB.

    I'm so happy to see that baby growing with a HB alive and well! At the end of the day, those are the two things that matter and they are both going right. I've said this before, but the bleeding is so common, esp on Lovenox, and esp with IVF pregnancies.

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  12. I'm so sorry the stress of the bleeding is robbing you of the joy during this pregnancy. Hoping it stops soon!

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