Long Weekend

After scheduling an appointment with an RE I thought I would be more calm on finally getting the help we need. At first I was (on Friday), then Saturday came around and I was delighted until mid afternoon. Looking back i feel horrible and I wish I could change my actions but all I can do is learn from it and move on. I've always heard that infertility can tear relationships apart. I just honestly never thought it would happen to me. Somewhere down this long journey i made this fantasy that we will overcome this and become stronger. Now I’m starting to question if I’m causing more harm than good, or my sensitivity has increased throughout the years. Is it wrong to feel like your dream is being wash down the drain when you see your significant other drinking? Is it harsh to express yourself when you know that he is just trying to distress himself and have a little fun? Have I just become less fun and cruel because this TTC journey is taking a toll on me? So many questions that I cant answer. I wish I could just be a rational person and tell myself that we are doing the right thing to get help and we will soon know what the issue is.

After arguing with DH and ruining his Saturday night I felt horrible. The next day we tried to avoid each other, NOT because we were still mad with one another but we tend to give each other space to think over what happened and be in a more rational place. No words were spoken, it took one look for him to just hold me and comfort me. As if he was trying to tell me I understand what your going through. I don't know if this outburst was because my new cycle had started that same day that it got me depress or I've piled it up so much that I took it out on him. We both agree that after we see the RE we were going to give it our 100% and if it doesn’t happen we will move on and continue with our life’s. I really hope I can find the tranquility during this journey of trying to start our family.
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