Rheumatology Appt

I had my rheumatology appointment on Tuesday and it was quite interesting. Dr Kempf was extremely nice and informative. When I arrived to my appointment I felt out of place. As if everyone was starring at me because I didn't belong there. The patients were mostly elderly or looked sick as in weak not in the mood type of way. When I was finally called in the nurse questioned some of my responses on my paperwork. There was a section that asked how many pregnancies I've had, miscarriages, and live births. My response was 3, 2, 0. They didn't have a section asking if I was currently pregnant so I assumed they would put two and two together. Hmmm...that wasn't the case. When I told her I answered it in that form because I was currently pregnant she felt embarrassed. She quickly apologized then said congratulations.

Dr Kempf came in about 15 minutes later. He went over my paperwork then asked a couple questions as well as asked me to do some physical movements to check my joints. After everything he explained to me that even though I present symptoms of lupus he is not concern right now. My symptoms are not severe for him to be on alert. Of course if my bloodwork indicates there's a problem he will put me back on medication.  He believes as of now I just have the antibodies that make me have minor symptoms and in my case cause miscarriages.

With this in mind I quickly asked the million dollar question.

Me: "What are the possibilities my lupus would become active? Reason I ask is because my aunt was told the same thing and now her health has extremely plummeted as she is getting older. When I say older she's in her early 30s."

Dr Kempf: "That's a great question and I have a great answer for you. I don't know the thing with autom immune disorders is that as quickly as they come they quickly go. I've had patients come see me that experience every symptom of Lupus and as soon as we put them on medication it vanishes. Its something we aren't able to explain why some patients have flares and other may go years without experiencing severe symptoms. All we can do is have u come back once u deliver and do more bloodwork. Possibly put u on preventative medication to avoid you getting severe symptoms like your aunt."

It scares me to think about my health plummeting like my aunts. She came to visit the day after my appointment and almost collapsed on us. It was scary to say the least. Seeing her confused most of the time and being clueless of what's happening to her is concerning. She breaks down crying sometimes because sometimes the simplest things seem extremely difficult for her. Now I know her work has a lot to do with her health. She works in a high stress environment and long hours. She really let herself go health wise since working there. All I can do is take it day by day. I go back on the 17th to go over my blood work results. Here's hoping everything is a ok.

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I won't be posting a pregnancy update this week as you can tell. As I mentioned on my announcement post that my cousin and I were due the same month. Sadly my cousin experienced a miscarriage. Never would I ever wish for someone to go through that. I broke down when I found out because I knew I will always be her trigger. I'm going to be the pregnant person reminding her what she could've had. This situation has been extremely difficult for her. She's never experienced a miscarriage before and I'm sure it took her off guard since she has had a non complicated pregnancy about 5 years ago. This would have been her 2nd child. She announced her pregnancy on social media almost right away. I remember telling my mom how brave that was when she was so early. My mom said people who have never experienced what I've been through never imagine that it could happen to them. When she found out what happened to her niece/goddaughter she felt bad and said everything that had crossed my own mind. I will be her reminder.

I did speak to my cousin when she was ready to reach out. I gave her some advice, comfort, and let her know I wouldn't pass judgment if she needed to avoid me for a while. I also sent her a care package after her she told me she was definitely miscarrying. When she received it she immediately sent me a message saying it made her smile and cry at the same time. I know she appreciates me trying to help her get through this but I also know how difficult it is to know my pregnancy is still progressing. It just doesn't feel right for me to be excited and celebrating during this time when she still tries to ask how everything is ok with my pregnancy. I try to cut it short to save her the pain even though she says she's truly happy for me after experiencing two miscarriages. Any advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation? I mean I've been in this situation before with me being on the other side of this situation. With my first pregnancy I had two cousins due on the same month. I was due on the same week as one of them. When I lost the pregnancy they were my constant reminder. I only speak to one of them and she was aware of my miscarriage. I don't recall feeling resentment towards her. I did feel emotional pain as the due date approached but I don't remember avoiding her pregnancy updates. I actually always asked her how she was doing after a while. When we went out to California we actually saw her and she was about 5-6 months pregnant. J & I played with her first born and J took him for awhile so she could take a break. Maybe the distance helped me deal with the pain so I'm hoping this cousin will be able to heal with such a distance.