Emotional Wreck

I would love to start of talking about how great my weekend was but it wasn't. Saturday my brother invited us to Monster Jam. I didn't want to go as much as J did. I went anyway. Afterwards I regretted and had a meltdown because I was in pain. I don't know how I made it back to the car. Let me say how much I avoided stairs since my transfer only to end up at a place with nothing but stairs. I was fine up until the middle of the show. My stomach started hurting. I sat there emotionless for the rest of the show. Afterwards we all went our separate ways so I didn't have to hide the fact that I was uncomfortable. The more J kept asking if I was okay they more I wanted to cry. The next morning the lower back pain subsided and I was just slouching around the house to stay relaxed. After football was over we went grocery shopping. I don't recall straining myself so much but it hit me again. Then I lost it. I cried and I told J I should've never gone to that stupid show. He didn't know what to do or say to me but say he was sorry. Ever since Saturday I haven't been able to get rid of the cramping and lower back pain. These pains aren't frequent they are quite sporadic, mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep. I was so bummed out that I called out on Monday from work because I didn't want to walk around thinking I was making things worst. I texted my nurse and ah assured me what I was feeling was normal just as long as I wasn't heavily bleeding. Spotting is ok. Well I wasn't I just felt bloated, heavy, I peed a lot, lower back pain. All AF symptoms for me. 

Today I went in for my BETA and I made myself sick just being a nervous wreck. One of the nurses asked how I was feeling and when I told her she didn't seem to care. She either didn't know I was pregnant or she really didn't care and just asked the question because she had nothing better to say. My nurse saw me on my way out and sai she will call me when she sees the results come in. My appt was at 7:30am and I got the call at 11:40 am. Before I received the call in kept telling myself if she doesn't call before 12pm like last time then it's bad news. People this isn't good for me! Anyway she called and said my BETA came back at 807 or 847 or something with an 8 in front and 7 at the end. My P4 levels are decreasing though. Today they were at 23. She didn't seem concerned at all so I didn't question it. She congratulated me on being pregnant  and got me over to scheduling. January 24th seems like a millions days away. Specially the way I've been feeling. I pray that my baby is still growing in there. I don't want to think about not hearing a heart beat or not seeing a sac. Ugh! I feel like I've know I'm pregnant forever. The waiting never stops or the worrying. Oh and my thyroid went all coocoo on me. I have to take medication for it now. They say it's common for thyroid to go crazy during pregnancy so they have to control it. I will be retested after 4 weeks to see if I can be taken off the meds. 
Please excuse J's "weird pose" he was a bit intoxicated to say the least. 

On Sunday I was browsing through the Internet and saw these cute little shoes. J said if we won then he would buy them for me. Guess who's getting these adorable shoes? 

My mother asked why I didn't go to work on Monday and I responded with cramps. She knows I get severe cramping so she didn't press on the issue further. So yes my mother thinks Im on my period. Please God, let my baby keep growing so I can share this wonderful news with my mother. 
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  1. I was freaking out about similar things, but now that we've had so many betas I am actually starting to believe that YES progesterone will fluctuate and as long as it's >=20 then the dosage of progesterone supplementation is doing it's job. My MFM also told me there may be intermittent cramping and/or spotting early on....well at least 5 nurses/doctors/etc. have now told me this is normal, so maybe I should believe them? MFM said only to worry if there is pronounced cramping + red blood flow + clotting all occurring together. I hope this helps ease some fears for you. You are doing good by just listening to your body though. Take it easy and try not to worry. I know it's hard!

  2. awwww, hang in there girl! take it easy and don't over exert yourself! have J pamper you while you take care of your precious cargo!

  3. girl!! Congrats! Sorry you weren't feeling well, but just keep believing and trusting and speaking into that pregnancy!!!! Thinking about you!

  4. I am keeping you in my prayers that what you are experiencing is just part of a healthy pregnancy :)

  5. Yup cramping is normal. I cramped the whole time I was pregnant. Things are growing in there! Keep using your progesterone and keep breathing. No need to panic now. When is your first ultrasound?

  6. Glad that all is well and that it was part of being pregnant. Hoping things keep going smoothly so you can tell your mom.