Warm Feet, Warm Uterus! (=

Today was my first day back at work after a long weeks rest. Let me just start off by saying it was super cold. Funny how the weather all of a sudden decides to chill on a day I have to go in super super early. Anyhow, this past week was wonderful and well deserved. I don't think I will ever convince J to wait around for me. Hahaha! I know deep down he truly enjoyed it. 

For a couple months now I've been trying to find myself. To discover my true emotions towards my religion. I've always been a believer, I was brought up in a catholic home so it's been with me since I was a baby. During this journey I lost my faith. Not entirely because I've always turned to God when I needed reassurance. That has been my mistake all along. I never gave him 100%, I only seeked when I needed him. Since August, after visiting my mother in law, it was in the back of my mind that I needed to change my ways for the sake of my own happiness. During Christmas time my mother in law gave me that extra push I needed to open my heart to God. 

At night before I lay to sleep, I prayed for peace in my heart and mind. I asked for him to show me the path he wanted me to be in. I also asked for J, for him to open his heart and get closer to God. Of course I always asked for others. Some personalized others in general. This past Sunday he answered my prayers. J was willing to go to church without me begging. He even woke up earlier than usual to make sure he was ready on time. First one out the door! I was amazed! Then after church he confessed he wanted to look for a new church. Or maybe just go to English mass so he can understand it better. Again I've grown up in a Catholic Church my whole life so Spanish mass is just out of habit. I agreed and said we can try it out if that will convince him to go to church on Sunday. You don't know how much this meant to me. Everytime I asked him to go to church with me his responds was, "Go with your Mom. She likes going to church." 

I asked for peace and he is giving it to me. Everytime I feel that I am getting worried about this FET working I just talk to him. Let him know I will be alright because he's by my side and always has. There's so many people who have mentioned Joel Osteen to me that I finally decided to pick up one of his books. 

So far I am loving it! Who knew someone can change your perspective in a matter of seconds. I tried everything I read today at work since it's Monday. Amazing how people tend to react a certain way depending on your response. Not once did I say anything negative about my job or my weekend etc. So I didn't hear any negative responses back. I even got introduce to a new app that I decided to take up the challenge on. A co-worker told me about gratitude365. She said she was doing it because she feels like she has lost herself and wants to make sure she realizes there's a lot to be grateful for in her life. (You basically take a pic each day of something you are grateful for, for 365 days and write something about it.) Pretty neat! I started today so obviously I am 5 days behind. Still taking up the challenge. 

What am I grateful for today? I am grateful that God gave me the opportunity to wake up this morning. A morning that I will never forget. He gave me the courage to grab a FRER, the whole time telling myself "No matter the outcome I will enjoy this day. I will be fine. We have frosties left over and we can try again." The test was just blank with one line. I took a deep breath and kept repeating this to myself looking at the test the entire time. Then as it finally sinked in that I was going to be ok and he was right there with me holding my hand. The test beautifully changed to this: 

I grabbed it with my shaky hand. Tears just flowed down my cheek and I said, "Thank you, God. For this opportunity you have given us." People it was 3 AM! I've been having insomnia for the last 3 days. Once I am awake I can't go back to sleep. I know it's soon and fear is in my heart. But I refuse to let it fill my heart. I am leaving everything in HIS hands. I'm going to take it day by day. 

Of course once it was human waking time for the business world I texted my nurse and sent her the pic of the FRER. She was excited and moved my BETA to Friday instead of Monday. Still seems like forever but it's better than going the whole weekend with this anticipating feeling. J is in denial, he says he will be cautious until he has medical proof I am pregnant. Well my day went by and I got a call from a nurse at my clinic checking how I was. I immediately became excited thinking they wanted me to come in earlier. Was I wrong...as soon as I told her I took a test this morning she flat out told me HPT aren't accurate because of all the meds I'm taking. I felt like my heart was breaking. I softly responded with "But I didn't take a trigger." She didn't care she said it didn't matter. I wanted to cry but I swallowed my pain and texted my nurse to see if this is in fact true. Did I mention how fantabulous she is? 

I love her! She always comes to the rescue! Impatiently waiting til Friday...if everything goes well I don't know how long I can keep this from my mother. She has no clue that we tried again. 

For those of you currently going through a new IVF cycle or FET just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every night. Thinking of all you ladies who have conceived or still in waiting.