Will You Dare?

Dare to take the time to comprehend what infertility is? Will you emphatize with those who have and are struggling with infertility? Would you then see that infertility is not cureable if you just relax?

Life can bring many obstacles into your life. Challenges that can lead to a stronger mentality. If I had the choice of being labeled as infertile or being a naive fertile myrtle I would have to go with fertile myrtle. I never imagined myself embarking in this emotional journey. Sometimes it saddens me of how much I have learn BUT yet theres plenty of Drs who are clueless of what infertility is.

Lets start from the beginning of my "womanhood" so you can get a better picture.

There I was...a sweet, innocent, little, girl who was only 10 years old. Then it happened, the thing that forever changed my life. YES my first menstrual cycle decided to say "Hello nice to meet ya!" I guess she wasnt fond of meeting me because she decided to take a nice long vacation until I was 14 years old. During her time of absence my mother became extremely worried that there was something wrong. She took me to the Drs and they simply brushed her off saying "Shes so young and her hormones are not fully developed."

Lets fast forward. At the age of 18 I decided to talk to my Dr about my irregular cycles. They continued to say the same thing they told my mother years ago. HORMONAL IMBALANCE. Deep down inside I knew there was more to it. There had to be...all my friends were getting regular cycles and not one seemed to complain about pain when on it. Mine on the other hand came whenever it felt like it and when it did I would cry of the excruciating pain it caused me. I was fed up! I went to see a different doctor due to pain I was experiencing. Turns out I had a cyst that ruptured. So I asked again about my irregular cycles and the fact that I was literatly having unprotected sex for a year now. This doctor recommended Birth Control pills to help regulate my cycles. He looked at the ultrasound they took, due to my cyst, and said he doesnt see anything wrong with my uterus. When I was ready to have a child I should have no problem.

The birth control made me sick so I stopped taking it. My cycles were extending to 40+ days. Eventually reaching 60+ days. The pain was still present when she decided to show her face. When I was 21 I decided to move states. J of course followed. *Side note: J and I have been together since HS.* I went in for my year check up with the intentions to get some answers. Let me tell you that I held it together pretty well with this incompentent doctor. He of course said the following, "Why are you trying to have a baby at such a young age? Have you even graduated from college? At your age you should not have a problem conceiving. My wife and I just had our first child because we wanted to make sure we finished our careers." Well doctor I am thinking of having a child at such a young age because I have had unprotected sex for a good 3 years now and not even an OOPS has occurred. If I am having trouble now then what guarantees me I will be just FINE to have one later down the road. I left his office never going back to him. On to the next doctor. Which is my current OB. I had been to her office a couple times. Everytime I was there my cycles were "late". They were used to it by now and didnt bother with a pregnancy test. I asked my OB about my irregularities as well as the fact that I had not conceived. I was now 22 years old, 4 years of unprotected sex, first year of trying to conceive. Her exact words, "Well a woman ovulates on CD14 of their cycle. As long as you have intercourse during your fertile week then you should have a 20% chance each month to conceive." Needless to say I didnt bother going into the discussion that I knew I didnt ovulate on the 14th day of my cycle.

After many disappointing appointments I decided to see a reproductive endocrinologist. Here is where I found the reason behind my struggle. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, which explains the cyst I had years ago, amenorrhea and one blocked fallopian tube. I felt as if my life was caving in on me. When I looked at J I wanted to set him free to find someone who can give him a family. I didnt want to be the reason for him not being able to have children. J ofcourse has stuck by my side regardless of my mood tantrums. He has been the rock through this journey. Infertility can cause many things in a marriage, your emotions, your point of view,etc. You will never be the same person you were before dealing with infertility. I have learned to embrace the fact that IF is a part of my life and it makes me, ME! Al though J refuses to be willingly opened about our struggles I am the exact opposite. My side of the family all knows of my struggles and the treatment we have been through. Js family knows we've been "trying" but had no idea we had answers. One of his family members reached out to me to ask if I was "pregnant yet". That was the drawing point for me that I decided to let her know that we our going through treament and I am the one with the complications. I didnt expect her to understand or feel the need to ask if I was ok and just like that our conversation ended.

If you are not aware of what infertility is or what it causes in someone who is struggling. Please take the time to comprehend. If you decide that it is not something you are willing to embark in then I ask of you to please refrain from giving opinions to those of us stuggling. This journey is enough of a challenge.

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  1. I'm so sorry for the years of struggles that you've had. Even prior to starting to try for a family, it sounds like it's been tough for you. What a great husband you have, he sounds amazing and like such a great support for you. You are going to get there and I'll be cheering you along all the way! You are exactly right. IF has definitely changed us. Hopefully for the better and the stronger. :) Hugs!! So glad you shared.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so sorry you've had to endure so much.

  3. It breaks my heart how much you've struggled along with others. It should never be like this, never be this hard. Praying, hoping, and supporting you all the way to your BFP.

  4. Isn't it crazy how we can look back and see red flags from times when we were adolescents and teenagers even? Even crazier when you think about how dismissive doctors can be sometimes, when in your heart you just know something is out of whack. I really do think some of these problems can start early for many of us and the usual recommendations to just take BCP's isn't exactly fertility friendly years down the road either when taken for a decade. I'm glad you at least stopped that.

    Thank you for posting about infertility awareness. I really hope you will have less time to celebrate that week next year when it rolls around, because you'll be busy breastfeeding and chasing a toddler instead.