Horoscope

Lately I've been in this bad funk that I can't seem to get out of. J always reminds me that there is no "I" in "WE". I shouldn't be saying things like "I can't have kids", "I'll never be a mother" because it does not only affect me its also affecting him.

Last week at work a customer had talked to me about astrology and how she strongly believed in it. She asked about J and I's zodiac sign...we then had a good laugh about it. Then during the weekend we all had a conversation about zodiac compatibility. I of course had already read J and I's compatibility years ago. Of course we are very different but what he lacks I give him and vise versa. In our little weird case, opposites do attract! Its very difficult for me to get out of my shell sometimes. J, on the other hand, is extremely social. When I do step out of that shell people are amazed by it. Its like if they just met me for the first time. Or the person they have known for years finally resurfaced. As the weekend was coming to an end I became curious as to what my horoscope was for the day. To my surprise this is what it said:

It is time to break a rule. It is time to push beyond a boundary. It is time to let go of the reins and let life take you to a destination that has been waiting for you for all of your life. You have restricted yourself with a certain dream. You have held yourself back out of a sense of propriety perhaps. Or maybe you have a fixed and rigid idea of how things should go. But you need to let go of all preconceived ideas. You need to blaze a trail. It will require you to step out of your comfort zone, but it will lead you to a beautiful new beginning.

Have I really restrained myself from living life because I am so fixated on how my life should be?

Possibly.

Has infertility sucked the fun out of me?

Maybe.

As the social bird J is...I feel like somehow I have sucked the fun out of him too. He sometimes admits he doesn't make plans to go to places he thinks I won't enjoy. OUCH! He understand 100% that this journey has changed me in a tremendous way but doesn't want me to lose touch with who I really am.

I need to stop focusing so much on TTC and just enjoy my time with J. He deserves to have his wife back. Atleast for his bday weekend. I want to make it special to remind him that the person he fell in love with is still here.

But you need to let go of all preconceived ideas.

That is exactly what I am going to do.