We decided to spend the holidays in California this year. Its been years since we have been with J's family for the holidays. I was a bit nervous traveling with this little man on the airplane but he did really good. I nursed him on the way up and he slept all through the flight. We left Texas just in time too since apparently it's getting warm over there. Weather here is kinda all over the place. From rain to gloomy weather but it only means we packed just right.

Now I leave u with some Christmas photos.

Who knew that ovulation and a menstrual cycle can affect your milk supply. I went from having 7 oz at each pumping session to 5 to barely 3 oz. Whoa! Baby boy is also not liking the taste of breast milk while I'm on my cycle. Thank goodness for formula. I've been told my supply should go back up once I'm done cycling but who knows.

On another note I also learned that exclusively breast fed babies don't poop everyday or every other day. My son goes anywhere from 4- 7 days between poops. I have taken him to the doctors for it but not because he's fussy just because I got worried. He was extremely happy during his appt that doctor said its normal if he's not crying or complaining then let him poop when he wants. All his stools are still loose when he does go so I guess he's good. Just had his 4 month check up and doctor once again said its normal and my son was a very active baby no signs of alarm.

So there you go folks new things I've learned.

PPS. First cycle after baby is the worst. :'(

Stats: I am not sure of his weight until Monday but he was at the doctors two weeks ago weighing in at 13lbs 2 oz. He is still wearing 3-6 month clothing depending on the brand of course.

Nicknames: Mr. Grump, Izzy, Prince/ In Spanish: Gordo, Mayito, Chuyito

Likes: Still in love with blankets. His face expression is actually pretty priceless when you give him a blanket. He loves to sit with Dad in the afternoon while Mommy is cooking, next thing I know he’s a sleep in Dad’s arm. He likes soft toys that have lots of colors; his face expression when he sees them is as priceless as the one for his blankie. This kid is a lover of people in general; if you talk to him he will give you the biggest smile ever. Bath time is still his favorite.

Dislikes: Still isn’t a fan of tummy time. He prefers being in his Rock N Play (which he is growing out of fast), bouncer, or just laying around somewhere than being held for long periods of time. Since my supply has strangely diminished we introduced formula this week at first he was ok with it but now he seems to know the difference and spits it out. Luckily he gets one or two bottle max of formula so it allows me to wean him in to it a bit.

Special Skills: He knows how to get people to do what he wants. Wish I was that talented! I guess people cant resist his little pouty face. Plus that hair! He knows how to remove his pacifier with his hand now, I think he enjoys this part until he realizes he can’t get it back into his mouth. Singing until he frustrates himself, you literately hear a nice little rhythm coming from him until it turns into a full on scream. Attention seeker! He also farts like a grown kid and gets a kick out of you telling him eww!

He got to meet his Great Grammy and she put him to sleep real quick. 
Sleeping: Hit or miss depending on his sleep pattern during the day. With the cold weather coming around he started waking up every 1.5 hours until I finally left him by my side. Mommy got smart and put a blanket underneath him and two blankets over him tucking his arms on top. (Now I know they say its not safe to give babies blankets but his co sleeper is literally attached to my bed where I can watch him. My son has never pulled his blankets over his head he actually puts his arms on top of the blanket to avoid them moving. Sometimes I catch him covering his arms when he is cold and its strange because he does it in a way that the blanket still stays away from his shoulder area. Either way whenever he wants his blanket off because he is hot he kicks them off until he is completely uncovered.) So yes this kid surprises me with the way he sleeps.

No one can truly understand what you are going through unless they've been through it themselves.

A fellow colleague said those exact words to me the other day. Her sister in law just had a baby last week after experiencing infertility for a couple years. Our conversation started discussing pregnancy experiences which also resulted in speaking of miscarriages. I have never been ashamed or shy about our infertility struggles, truthfully no one was aware of our treatment since I was new to the department. My pregnancy remained a secret until I was five months pregnant only because my manager encouraged me to share it with everyone. My opinion people were beginning to question one another if I was pregnant. LOL! Anywho, when she began to tell me about her SILs struggles my heart skipped a beat. She went through 3 IUIs all resulting in BFNs. I could see the true emotions in her face expressions. Here she was feeling guilty of how fertile she was while her dear SIL struggled to get pregnant throughout many years.

Here I was with three pregnancies under my belt, one resulting in a miscarriage, but still it was three when she couldn't get pregnant at all. I felt horrible because I knew I was probably adding on to her pain.

I personally have never heard a fertile women say such nice caring genuine things about someone struggling. There bond was so strong that her SIL admitted to her how she hated all those teenagers having babies, women abusing, killing, etc their babies. All the emotions that we have felt throughout this rollercoaster of a journey she was 100% aware of and didn't judge her. Hearing all this was music to my ears. It comforted me in such a way that I let her in to my own world of IF. At first I saw that guilty expression come over her realizing that some of her comments to me might have stung a bit. We were able to share our experiences on miscarriages. The emotional rollercoaster you go through when you hear those words come out of the doctor's mouth. You feel paralyze, denial, sick and you wished it was all a dream. We also discussed how difficult it was to enjoy our pregnancy after experiencing a miscarriage. I was able to relate on buying a Doppler to make sure there was still a heart beat, our husbands thinking we were insane and forbid us to use it frequently.

I never thought I would be able to speak to a woman who didn't have trouble conceiving and be understood. She wished us luck on TTC on our own if not then gave us her best wishes on getting knocked up again with a little help from science. To that I say thank you for listening to your struggling SIL, to being open about others emotions you truly have an amazing heart.

Lately I've been an emotional hormonal momma. Tears start flowing over things I cannot control but wished I could. On October 15th for Pregnancy & Infant loss I shed many tears. Not only for me but for everyone who has lost their beautiful babies. While lighting a candle that night I held my son tightly I told him about his siblings and how they were looking over him in heaven. Although he truly fills my heart with blissful love I can't seem to feel saddened by the women who are still experiencing failed cycles, miscarriages, or another disappointment. It pains my heart to see them continuing to struggle. Our journey to Baby Izzy wasn't easy and it took what you would call experimental cycles. I say experimental because it took a couple failures and miscarriages to find out the plan that worked for us. It wasn't easy it was an emotional toll that J was hesitant on allowing me to continue with fertility treatments. 

I wish I could do something to heal their broken hearts during this waiting game. Every night before I go to sleep I give thanks to Him for never leaving my side during the ups and downs in my journey. I also ask for everyone one of you ladies still struggling or dealing with a difficult time. 

Even out of the trenches my mind and heart still fear IF. We know we want more children in the future and the thought of someone else in my family having yet another kid before I can conceive a second child taunts me. How could my mind have these thoughts when Izzy is my greatest joy in my life? Everyone talks about how your body might just know what to do on its own after having a baby but what if it doesn't, will I be ok emotionally? 

Sorry I might sound selfish for having these thoughts when there is lots of you out there still struggling to have a baby. I just never thought I would experience these same emotions that I would read on other peoples blogs. I guess IF never really leaves your mind alone. 

Again sorry for that pitty sentences I wrote. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and stays warm. 

Stats: I am not sure of his weight but he is wearing 3-6 month clothing and 6-12 month socks.

Nicknames: Mr. Grump, Izzy/ In Spanish: Gordo, Mayito, Chuyito

Likes: I wouldn’t say he likes his blanket because he loves it. If he’s restless or grumpy I put his little blankie over his feet he’ll grab it and has a blast with it. He will either suck on it or holds it with some singing involved. I picture him singing a blankie lullaby. Speaking of blankets he also loves to be wrapped up like a burrito, it totally makes his day. I hope he doesn’t grow out of this since he doesn’t fuss in the AM when I am getting him ready to take to grammy’s house. He still loves me running my fingers through his hair as well as me holding his hands when he’s chillen in his boppy pillow or bumbo seat.

Dislikes: Tummy time, what baby loves tummy time?? He doesn’t like it when hes held like a baby, only time he lets you do this is when he’s wrapped up in a blanket. So you have to hold him sitting up with his back up against ur chest. Or he will tolerate being held looking over your shoulder.

Special Skills: He’s a screamer. Lol. Not in a bad way he just screams until you give him attention. No picking up is required just give him a little love and he’s a happy camper.

Sleeping: It all depends on his mood for the day. My mom says he takes anywhere from cat naps or up to an hour. Which means he’s a good sleeper at night, only wakes up once and its usually right around the time I need to get up for work. I usually feed him and he’s out again until I wake him up to take him to grammy’s.

Mommy: I am starting to get a routine going on now that I am back at work. Its also getting easier leaving him behind even though he's in good hands I miss him dearly. Now that I am back at work I am eating more frequently, it could be out of boredom, but I don't mind it since J tells me all the time that I need to gain weight. In all honesty I agree with him but I don't see that happening until I stop breastfeeding. The hunger is no joke that I grab anything in sight. Ugh! Even with the unhealthy decisions I cant seem to gain any weight only lose weight.

Daddy: He gets a kick out of everything Izzy does. Im sure these two will have a great bond since he loves seeing his dad.

Throughout my pregnancy I constantly got told how exhausted I would be when baby arrived. If we didn't do team work I would become frustrated. To enjoy getting ready now before baby came because I could kiss those days goodbye. Blah Blah Blah! Same ol same ol stuff. Why don't people talk about significant things that you might come across so you wont question is this normal? So I decided I would write a post about my post partum experiences. Now I do realize not everyone goes through the same things but I wished these were the types of things women would have spoken to me about.

SEX
I recall my cousin telling me to enjoy it now before baby arrived. In her experienced she couldn't stand her baby's father to touch her. Her hormones were all over the place that the thought of having sex was not appealing. My experience, well lets just say I thought the 6 week waiting period was torture. Of course I kept these comments to myself because knowing J he would somehow convince me it would be ok to break the rules. Two or three days before my 6 week follow up I told myself "who cares its only a couple days". We attempted to do the deed and it ended in an epic fail. I was in a lot of pain that it was not worth it. My incision was not painful at all it was penetration. (Sorry TMI but like I mentioned I wish someone would have told me) I felt dry, even though J claims otherwise, I felt like I was being ripped open and it hurt when I tried using the restroom. I knew it wasn't a UTI but decided to ask my doctor about it anyways. Which leads me to my next subject.

Breastfeeding

Everyone points out all the great benefits of breastfeeding and doesn't speak about the side effects. Now before I continue on this subject I want to say I love breastfeeding even with the bad side effects. At my 6 week appointment I curiously asked the doctor if it was normal to experience dryness after delivering a baby. He laughed held my hand then said, "Everyone talks about the wonders of breastfeeding but they refuse to point out the side effects. Don't get me wrong you are doing such a wonderful thing for your baby you just have to adjust to these new changes." Breastfeeding causes dryness, random spotting (mine stopped completely at 8 weeks), constant hunger, and if you experience engorgement its quite painful. I personally feel when my milk is coming in and its such a weird feeling that at first it made me stop in my tracks. Not everyone has the privilege to experience these lovely symptoms but I did. As for why it was painful when we attempted to have sex well apparently when you deliver the placenta your brain gets a signal to tighten up again. After a few uncomfortable attempts things went back to normal, thankfully because I read some scary stories out there. Lastly, I have to avoid all dairy products specially milk because baby boy can't digest it right. No he's not lactose intolerant but the protein in dairy products hurt his tummy which causes bleeding.

Sleep

Do I miss it? No. Baby boy isn't that bad when he wakes up. I can simply grab him from his cosleeper stick him to the boob and he's out again. Depending on how much sleep he gets during the day he will only wake up once during the night the most twice. Before coming back to work I was able to take naps during the day. Now I am able to get to sleep earlier at night instead of tossing and turning for hours. So I guess sleep is a hit or miss depending on baby.

These are a few things I wish people would have shoved down my throat instead of useless info we hear every time someone is pregnant. I'm currently pretending to work so I have to say goodbye for now. Hope this info helps some of you new mommas or future mommas. I constantly had to be asking these personal questions to friends that didn't mind talking about the subjects.

Its been a while since I've updated my blog. Its always on the back of my mind and I begin to write post but never have the time to finish them. Hopefully I can squeeze some time now that I am officially back at work. Maybe next week since I am still trying to get back in the groove of working plus I don't have access to most of my stuff which leads to being away from my desk throughout the day. Even though I am not writing I am keeping up with everyone's blogs for the most part.

There is not one day that I dont think, pray, sob, etc for all my TTC sisters. Even though I have officially crossed over the pain still lingers from my own journey regardless of how much joy my son brings me. Don't ever lose hope even when the odds are against you.



.....hope to write a longer post sooner rather than later.

I was undecided if I wanted to write monthly updates for my son since there's so many mixed emotions. Ultimately I made the decision to give it a try since I would love for my son to look back on these when he is older. I've always been able to embrace my IF journey even when things went wrong or not what we expected. Seeing other women beat infertility actually gave me strength and determination to not give up on our miracle. I understand if you are not able to read along if you are still in the trenches, no resentment as we all deal with our emotions differently. Just know I am always praying for all you ladies still waiting on your miracle baby(ies).

Stats: Baby Boy is 9 lbs 10 oz 21 inches long. He is wearing 3 month clothing from Carter brand. There's other brands that he wears 0-3 months or 3-6 months. Its ridiculous how sizes vary with each brand so if I don't pay attention he may never wear them. He is also wearing size 1 diapers.

Likes: He loves his Rock N Play, white noise when he's going to sleep at night, TUMMY TIME! (only on the nursing pillow the other way he starts fuzzing after 2 mins), Mommy running her fingers through his hair, bath time, and of course feeding time. I always know he's had enough to eat when he just lays there and smiles with his eyes closed, silly kiddo.

Dislikes: When I clean his face with a wipe. Tummy time when i just lay him flat on his stomach. As strange as it may sound he does not like being carried for a long time. Baby Izzy gets hot easily and rather be left alone unless he's eating. Good thing is that he wont get used to being carried.

Special Skills: He is a squirmer...when people hold him he squirms around as if he wants to get loosed. He even pushes up with his feet so if your not paying attention he will head bud you. Impressively he can hold his head up for a lot longer than I presumed he could at this age...he loves looking around. My favorite skill is when he screams to get your attention because it sounds like he is saying HEY!. LOL!

Sleeping: The norm 2-3 hours during the day he can go up to 4 hours. One night I got lucky and he slept 4 1/2 hours.

My baby boy is all ready for football season!

As for momma well she's finally back to her pre-pregnancy weight. I believe breastfeeding has helped out a lot plus I have been suffering from gastritis lately that I have to eat a low fat diet. Its not fun being in pain while trying to take care of a newborn. I am extremely grateful my mother lives nearby and comes to my rescue every time, even my little brother who is 10 came to my rescue and put baby Izzy to sleep while I was throwing up in the restroom. That kid has skills thats all I have to say and patience. Besides the pain from gastritis I am doing wonderful. I love being a mom to the point that I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night with my little booger. I am sure that will change when I go back to work.

One thing that has been constantly on my mind is the fact that I miss being pregnant. I am not sure if its the effects of IF but I am already talking to J about another baby. This feeling is so strong sometimes that its all I think about which makes J think I am crazy. People constantly ask me if I will be preventing and of course I say no but considering how long it took us to have our son I dont expect to get pregnant any time soon. I just hope my two frozen embies will survive when we are ready to place them back into their home.

Wow I cannot believe I am writing a mommy post. Everything still feels surreal like I am going to wake up any minute now. Well waking up in the middle of the night doesn't count. (hahaha!) My little man is officially 3 weeks old today and I've been a full time mom now for 2 weeks. I don't count the week I was at the hospital since I had help from J & the nurses. I think the hardest part during these weeks is healing from surgery. I did stop the pain medications four days after leaving the hospital eventhough my body was not 100% healed. With that said I am truly grateful to have been blessed with an easy baby. (I hope it doesn't change anytime soon). Plus he is still strictly on breast milk which I'm still in disbelieve since my mother was never able to breastfeed. I do pump so he can be bottle fed to give J the opportunity to bond with him. When I first started doing this he refused to latch on because the bottle gave him instant milk when he was hungry. At first I was frustrated since at night he would cry as if someone was hurting him BUT i refused to give in. After giving him no choice he eventually gave in with some exceptions. He did not like latching on at night since my breast would be engorged. I didn't want to keep waking up J in the middle of the night so I reached out to a friend to get some tips on how she managed to breastfeed for a year. She did admit it took some time for her sons to get use to it since she also introduced the bottle. She did tell me to try my best not to get frustrated since he will sense it and will not latch on. Another thing she recommended was the nipple shield from Medela. I was hesitant since I knew he was able to latch just refused to at times. After reading reviews on it I decided to buy it since it could help with babies latching even when you became engorged. YAY! So far so good with using it at night.

When people say to stock up on pampers they weren't kidding. Our guest bedroom was filled with boxes of pampers and wipes. I ended up putting them inside his crib since he wouldn't be sleeping in it until 6 months. Sure enough once he arrived those bags/boxes started disappearing very quickly. 

*** I started this post on Monday but my little man woke up***

After writing this post Baby Ismael only used the nipple shield three times and now he latches on with no problem. Yay! So glad I didn't give in. He wakes up twice during the night to feed and goes back to sleep within 30 mins after each feed, unless he's half asleep then its instant. I've learned certain things help him go back to sleep when he's wide awake during the night. He loves when I run my fingers through his hair or when I lay him sideways on my chest with my hands between his legs patting his butt. 

When we first came home from the hospital I couldn't sleep in our bed since it was to high. We tried our guest bedroom for a couple days but it was too hot! So the living room it was, which led to him sleeping in his Rock N Play. (One of his favorite places to be). This became an issue since in our bedroom we had an attached cosleeper and he did not like it once we started sleeping in our room. It took some adjusting for him to finally sleep comfortably in it. After that he didn't like being in his Rock N Play, bahaha this kid is very picky. As of now he has learned to be in both without a problem. 

I know I am not a pro on parenting but I've learned what works for my son & me. This post is also all over the place but with a newborn waking up every 2-3 hours is hard to write a post without jumping all over the place. But I sure love waking up to this day & night. <3 

At my 37 week appointment with my Maternal Fetal Specialist we discussed induction at 39 weeks. Given my blood clotting disorder she felt that it was best to induce labor than wait around for it to happen. Baby boy was weighing and measuring perfectly that she did not have any concerns if he decided to make his appearance earlier. Unfortunately he was in no hurry to leave his first home. I experienced false labor twice in between 37-39 weeks. Even with those false contractions I wasnt dilating nor was my cervix softening. My appointment for induction was scheduled for August 3rd. My doctor instructed me to go to the hospital on Sunday Aug 2nd at 6pm to try and soften up my cervix before inducing me. My emotions were all over the place knowing that I may be meeting my son soon. J & I cleaned up a bit before we left to the hospital.

Once we arrived to the hospital and I was all settled in J asked if I was scared. I took a second before I answered his question. Was I scared to give birth to my son? No. My fear of not knowing how to care for him was greater. The fear of dropping him, hurting him, etc was a nightmare to me. So I confessed my greatest fear to J and he told me not to worry about it he was sure I would be fine, if and when I needed help my mom will be there to help me. I started feeling the medicine working as cramps started to rear their ugly face. Once morning came around the nurse allowed me to get out of bed to shower or walk around for 20 minutes before starting the pitocin. At around 7:20 am my Doctor came in to check on my progress. The only progress was my cervix was 75% effaced but still 1 cm dilated. Sigh He broke my water, let me just say this was not fun he stopped like two times since my cervix was so high the second time around I told him to just get it over with since the pain wasn't going away, once that was done the contractions really started picking up. J was at my side trying to calm me down by calming down my breathing. This worked for about 10 minutes. My contractions went from every 2 minutes then 1 minute and then BAM! every 30 seconds. The pain was excruciating to the point that I felt like I was going to throw up since I couldn't catch my breath. Let me just say the side bar on those hospital beds are a savor! Since the contractions were to sudden I immediately asked for the epidural. I had to wait about an hour since the anesthesiologist was assisting with a c section. To be honest I started crying because I wasn't getting any relief. The nurse must have felt horrible for me because she kept trying to check if the anesthesiologist was available. She gave me a bit of motrin to ease the pain until he was available. Luckily he showed up 10 minutes after and prepped me up to give me the epidural. I felt nothing besides the twitching of my right leg like he told me I would. Finally I was able to breath right and rest. I told J he could leave to get something to eat since it might take all day.

I attempted to rest as everyone recommended to regain my strength. I was in and out of sleep constantly worrying about my son. The nurse lowered the volume on the machines in hopes that it would help me rest better. Even if I try to remember everything that happened within those hours I cant. I just recall feeling weak, sick, and worried that I couldnt feel my son moving. I was trying to force myself to turn around so I can at least see the screen. The screen detecting my son's heart rate and movement. J seemed to walk in at the perfect time. I told him to call the nurse because i couldnt breath right and I was really weak. I begged him to go look at our sons vitals for me because I couldnt feel him or hear anything. My heart stopped when he told me his heart rate was at 98 and dropping. I yelled at him to call the nurse but as I did she ran into the room. Asked J to help her turn me to my left she put an oxygen mask on me. She was adjusting the straps around my stomach when Dr V walked into the room. She looked at him and told him the pitocin had been off for 30 minutes now. I was only dilated 4 cm when they made the decision to turn it off. Apparently every time I had a contraction his heart rate would drop. My contractions were still every 30 seconds. I remember him looking me in the eyes, with fear in them, and told me he was sorry but he was not taking any chances on losing my son. They were hoping his vitals would become stable once the medication was turned off but they were getting worst. Not only that but my vitals were not normal either. My mind went blank all I could do is nod my head.

I recall nurses rushing into my room to prep me for surgery. I felt extremely cold, incoherent, with lots of anxiety. The thought of losing my son now after everything was my biggest fear ever. The rushed me over to the surgery room and asked J to wait outside until they finished prepping me up. The anesthesiologist asked me if I had felt something but all I could get out was "Huh?" He figured since I was confused then they were good to proceed. I knew they had started cutting me up but J wasnt by my side. Then my Dr yelled out "Why isn't the husband in here? Get him in here now!" When J appeared at my side I didnt even recognize him. He held my hand and asked how I was doing. All I could do was cry. (I'm even crying now just thinking about that moment) I kept anxiously waiting to hear his cry. Then my doctor announced he was pulling the baby out, I held my breath then squeezed J's hand, I felt a sudden pull then I heard the most beautiful sound ever. Everyone always talks about how memorable and beautiful it is to hear your baby's first cry and they werent wrong. When I heard it my heart skipped a beat. At that moment my fear of not being able to care for him vanished. Its unexplainable but I just felt it in my heart.

Baby Ismael Jesus born August 3rd, 2015 @ 12:11pm. 6lbs and 13oz 20 inches
Just as my heart felt relieved I turned around and threw up. It was not fun throwing up while you're basically glued to that bed and the only thing you can do is turn your head. When baby Ismael was born a nurse walked in and told J they moved all our stuff to a new room. She handed him our camera bag incase he wanted to take pictures. I think J was in shock that he said thank you but didnt pull out the camera. As weak as I was I managed to tell him to take pictures. With all the chaos going on I overheard the nurse say, :Let go little one." Turns out Baby Ismael was born pulling his hair and wouldn't let go of it. Just a couple seconds old and he's already showing character. I was wheeled off to a recovery room where I was allowed to hold my son. Unfortunately that didnt last long since I had no control of my left hand. I felt hopeless and useless. How was my son suppose to feed if I couldnt even hold him without falling asleep. They transferred me back to L&D since I was losing a lot of blood. My Dr came in to check on my after the nurse gave me medication to hopefully stop the bleeding. He gave the ok for me to be transferred to Postpartum recovery. Once their I was told I had lost a lot of blood after my surgery and they didnt know why. The medication I was given was to hopefully help my uterus contract and stop the heavy bleeding. For about 3 days I felt extremely weak, it didnt matter how much sleep I was getting my body would just give out. J really stepped up on taking care of our son while I couldn't. They kept me in the hospital for 4 nights & 5 days since my blood count was extremely low. If I didnt recover on my own I would need a blood transfusion before they released me from the hospital. Once again God was at our side and I recovered slowly but surely. During our stay I took full advantage of the lactation consultants. I knew I wanted to at least attempt to breast feed before I threw in the towel but baby Ismael wouldn't suck for very long. He gave us between 1 and 2 before he just completely stopped. In the mean time everyone made me feel guilty that I was starving him so I gave in to formula. Then one of the nurses asked me why I was doing both instead of sticking to one. I told her the truth that I felt like I was starving him. She explained to J and I that a baby's tummy is extremely small therefor he will get full with 2-4 drops of colostrum. If I am doing both all I am doing is expanding his stomach which then he would expect more colostrum than I am giving him.

She said to give it a try for a day to see how it goes. Yes I would have to feed him more frequently but its expected since they digest it a lot faster than formula. She even helped me with getting him to latch on and actually feed properly. I also requested a pump when I was having a difficult time latching him. They gave me a manual one and the electric one once they saw that i was actually able to pump out colostrum to feed him with a syringe. By the time we left the hospital he was exclusively just breastfed. I didnt know how long it would last and if I was even going to produce milk. The first day we were home I cried since I didnt have my pain meds and i was experiencing engorgement. I was so close on throwing in the towel but I pushed myself even though it hurt.

Now a week and 2 days after his birth I am starting to wean off of the pain medications. Still exclusively breastfeeding. I know with a c section the pain can come and go so I am taking it day by day. J went back to work this week so my mom comes by every once in a while to check on me and bring me food. I never imagined the love you can have for a person so small. I wake up in disbelief that he is actually mine.

~If you are still waiting for your miracle baby dont give up. Your day will come even if it seems like the journey will never end. Even after finally crossing over to motherhood I will never forget my battle to get here. I am proud to say he is my IVF miracle.~

For those who follow me on Instagram know that my baby boy has made his grand debut. I haven't gotten around to writing his birth story since I am still trying to recover. At this point I am can honestly say I am glad I did not write a birthing plan because nothing ever goes as plan. What matter is that our son is here with us and I am recovering well.

As soon as I get the opportunity I will post Ismael Jesus birth story. For now I leave u with some pictures so you can meet my little man.

How far along? 37 weeks & 3 days

Baby Size: He is 6lbs 12 oz as of yesterdays estimated ultrasound measurements.

Total weight gain: I am officially up 25 lbs. I guess its true the last two months u really start gaining the pounds.

Maternity clothes: YES! Most of my clothes is maternity but I am still able to wear dresses and overalls that are non maternity.

Stretch marks: These little suckers finally made an appearance on my hips. I'm ok with it though I never thought I would even be here to experience life inside of me.

Sleep: If I do it doesn't feel like it. I wake up tired all the time.

Food cravings: VERY COLD FRUIT SMOOTHIES. Cant seem to get enough of cold fruit. (This hasn't changed. Good since they put me on a low fat diet)

Best moment this week: Getting released from the hospital to my own comfy little bed. Plus I feel a lot better and I felt bad for J he slept so uncomfortable in that sleeping pull out sofa. Told him he at least got a taste of the hospital life once baby boy arrives. Oh and seeing my baby boy one last time in 2D ultrasound.

Miss anything? After being put on a low fat diet I miss everything. Apparently my eating habits weren't as great as I thought.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Yes but idk what. My smelling senses have really kicked up a notch.

Gender: A handsome little fella

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, swelling of feet/legs, shortness of breath, headaches, loss of mucus plug, peeing every half an hour and strangely nausea.

Wedding rings on or off: They officially went into a safe spot when we were in California.

Happy or moody most of the time: Words cannot express the overwhelming joy I feel that we are so close to meeting our little guy.

Looking forward to: Receiving our homemade crib bedding from my aunt. I loved the one she made my cousin years ago and I asked her to please make one for my little man. Can't wait to put it all together. We're so close and I am not done with his nursery yet. Its  very usable of course just need some finishing touches.
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On Sunday I woke up with no energy. I asked J to bring me a bowl of cereal because I was hungry. After I ate I fell asleep again for a couple hours. Once again I woke up starving so J made us something to eat. We got some stuff done around the house and I became hungry soon after. I decided to grab a cup of milk with cookies so it can tame me before dinner time. My stomach started hurting as if I overate. J and I went walking for a good hour or slightly over. When we came back that stomach pain was getting worse. It was at the very pit of my rib opening. I consulted Dr Google and it led me to believe I probably wasn't eating enough. The pain was unbearable but I decided to just make an effort to eat. Little did I know I was making things worse. I couldn't finish eating because I started feeling nauseous and hot. For whatever reason I thought maybe it was the baby pushing up against my ribs so I went to lay down on my side. The pain became excruciatingly painful that fear started setting in. A part of me thought I was probably exaggerating and the contractions I was feeling were imaginary. Rang up my Drs on call services only to be told he wasn't reachable but another Dr was on call for him. Well that Dr didn't do on calls unless patients were at the hospital. We decided it was best to take a trip down to L&D.

On our way there J did an awesome job on calming down. I was in tears, huffing and puffing, sweating my ass off but he just kept caressing my hair and telling me to breath slower. He put me to sleep that when I woke up I was convinced we could go back home. He wasn't to convinced I was ok so he said he will pull over and I can walk around to see what happens. Well people I couldn't even walk without feeling pain and weakness. After arriving to the hospital the pain started to pick up again. At the receptionist desk I was in awe at how I was even able to speak. The nurse was in shock to find out I was 37 weeks pregnant. (Yes I know heard it a bunch of times get me to a room lady!) I managed to walk all the way to L&D from the ER floor. They hooked me up and confirmed I was in fact getting contractions. Strangely they were not labor contractions. My whole rib cage was hurting and I couldn't breath right. The nurse immediately said my contractions were either from dehydration or inflammation of my gallbladder.

Hooked me up to an IV and ordered some testing. An ultrasound technician confirmed I have a zillion gallstones. Lol ok not a zillion but its quite a few. They gave me an injection to help with the inflammation and told me no eating or drinking until my Dr gives the ok. J and I stayed overnight so they can monitor me closely. I was feeling contractions all night but they weren't painful. The last time they checked me I was only 1/2 cm dilated and basically determined my contractions weren't dilating me.

I met with a specialist talked about possible surgery after I deliver, which I think I'll decline for now. I was told pregnancy can cause issues with ur gallbladder and some women are lucky enough to have no issues after delivery. We spoke to my OB about my concerns and he said agreed on some of the issues I brought up. Told me unless I was in severe pain not to get the surgery. So for now its still up in the air. Hoping I won't need it and we can just call this an experience. I was told to stay away from fattening foods. Such as Mexican food, fried foods, dairy products, etc. Its been tough to completely change my eating habits. Although I rather be challenged than deal with that excruciating pain again. Bahaha! I am going to have lots of fun during labor. 

How far along? 36 weeks & 3 days

Baby Size: He's as big as my belly lol I would estimate around 6 lbs by now.

Total weight gain: 22 lbs according to my home scale

Maternity clothes: YES! But depending on the clothes I can squeeze in to a non maternity outfit. The dress above is non maternity as well.

Stretch marks: Not on my belly. Strangely where I had my PIO shots at I've been scratching there and I have tiny stretch marks.

Sleep: I get my sleep now that I am officially out of work. Still waking up numerous times in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes i have backaches and i just toss and turn.

Food cravings: VERY COLD FRUIT SMOOTHIES. Cant seem to get enough of cold fruit.

Best moment this week: Unbelievably nesting has kicked in to full gear. I never believed in it or thought it was such a big deal until I became a freak clean since I've been home. I took every box out of the nursery and made a mess in one of our living rooms, my niece even questioned why I did that. Haha! I have to organize everything somehow there's just tooo much stuff.

Miss anything? Not yet. My doctor was even surprised when he asked if I was over being pregnant. Told him no that even with the pain on my legs/ feet I cant get enough of it. He apparently loved my answer. Am I not normal?

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope

Gender: A handsome little fella

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, swelling of feet/legs, shortness of breath, occasional headaches.

Wedding rings on or off: They officially went into a safe spot when we were in California.

Happy or moody most of the time: Overjoyed just thinking about how close we are to meeting our little guy.

Looking forward to: Finishing up some wall decor projects for the nursery. Feel bad that I constantly ask J to help since there's not a lot I can do on my own. I tell him its all worth it...and if u havent guess it the new walls on my bump pictures are a sneak peak of his nursery.

Well I have to say that I never would have imagined that the most difficult part of this journey would be agreeing on a name for a child. Hey if you had it easy then consider yourself lucky! Before I got pregnant we had a list of names we both liked, not equally but it was a list. Then once we found out the gender its like those names went out the window and we couldn't come to an agreement. My thoughts revolved around our journey therefor I wanted my son to have a meaningful name. J on the other hand wanted names that weren't significant to what we've been through or did not sit well with me.

It was a never ending disagreement that it got to the point that I refused to bring up the subject to avoid him getting all torn up about it. J's thoughts were since it's going to be a boy he should have the right to name him. If we were having a girl he would allow me to name her with no questions asked. After going back and forth I decided maybe this was a subject I should bring up a month prior to my due date in hopes we both had time to really think about it. People would ask us consistently if we had agreed on a name yet which sometimes sparked up the "Which name do u like best?" conversation. SMH

Then one day while we were enjoying a peaceful afternoon talking about what we still need for this little ones nursery, J calmly turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes and spoke the words I never thought I would hear.

"Our son's name will be ... because I made a promise to God. A promise while we were uncertain if you were going to miscarry again. I left everything in his hands and now I need to keep my promise to him."

So it was set! Our son had a name, a name I felt good about. A name with a meaning. Little did I know that his name had a greater meaning than we originally thought. In my previous post I mentioned that my mother in law had been praying for our little one since she found out about our struggles. She never lost her faith that God would answer her prayer even before she had heard/ seen the news herself. I left out a few details on my previous post because I felt like it deserved its own post in hopes that it would help someones weary faith.

He listens even if you feel like your prayer isn't being answered.

When my mother in law was pregnant with J she had a difficult first trimester like I did. Constant bleeding that doctors couldn't explain. She said her stress levels were through the roof until one day she got on her knees to pray to the Virgin Mary & God. She surrendered her worries to them and said whatever the outcome was she would get through them with their help. As you all know J made it into this world but not without a fight. My mother in law was told she would need a c-section due to her placenta blocking her cervix. They thought it was too dangerous for her to try and deliver vaginally I'm fear of her hemorrhaging on the delivery table. Her c section was scheduled already but once again left everything in God's hands. A couple days before her scheduled c section she started going into labor. When she arrived at the hospital they did one last ultrasound. To her surprise, as well as the doctors, her placenta had shifted up and J was ready to come out.

What an astonishing miracle but her worries weren't over yet. J was born not breathing he actually suffered with severe asthma growing up. It was more than one occasion that he stopped breathing. Not only as a baby but as a toddler too. I'm happy to report his asthma is completely gone now. I believe he's only used his inhaler for less than a month since we've been dating. Woohoo! J is also a miracle baby how cool is that? When J was around 2 or 3 my mother in law was pregnant again. She didn't go much into detail about this pregnancy since I would imagine the pain it brings her to remember. My mother in law delivered her second son stillborn at 6 months. They never found a reason as to why this happened which made things even more difficult for her. I've always known of these two events in her life, so why am I bringing this up now? When we told my mother in law the name of our son she smiled. I figured she liked it and understood the reason as to why we chose that name. Until my sister in law looked at her mom and smiled as well. She then told J, "That was the name that was given to our brother." J was a bit shocked to hear but what surprised me the most was that our son is actually named after his great grandfather. How could J not know his own grandfather's name??

My MIL went on to tell us that she named both her sons after their grandfather. She gave J his first name and his brother the middle name. Hearing these words truly warmed my heart. It made me realize my son has many angels looking over him. His uncle, his great grandfather, and his siblings. From that moment on I knew in my heart his name was meant to be.

We sometimes feel like we pray endlessly with no answers. It can get tiring, frustrating, etc but if u take a moment to listen to what is around u he might just be answering. I know my son is not in my arms yet and anything can happen in the last four weeks BUT I believe this was his way of telling us our son is here to stay.

Don't worry I am revealing the name of our son....

Ismael means God Listens

I love his first name for many reasons. The meaning behind it is my favorite. It's also a unique name I don't see it often. Although someone did give me a coke that said share a coke with Ismael. Don't worry I didn't drink it.

Jesus we all know who he is. As mentioned above it was also J's brothers name.

Always seek him even if you feel like he is not listening. When he finally answers it will bring great emotions.

How far along? 34 weeks & 5 days

Baby Size: According to the ultrasound estimate he is 5lbs 1oz as of Tuesday

Total weight gain: 20lbs since Tuesday

Maternity clothes: YES! But depending on the clothes I can squeeze in to a non maternity outfit. Week 32 picture is non maternity clothes.

Stretch marks: Not on my belly. Strangely where I had my PIO shots at I've been scratching there and I have tiny stretch marks. 

Sleep: Hit or miss. There's days where I can't get comfortable. I even go as far as to ask J to let Me try his side of bed. Lol it works.

Food cravings: Sugary things. With this hot weather I tend to crave cold fruit. 

Best moment this week: Finally being able to start organizing his clothes, socks, bibs, etc.

Miss anything? Absolutely not even with the swelling on my feet I still forget at times that I'm pregnant. Either the mirror reminds me or I feel him trying to get comfortable. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope

Gender: a precious boy! I tell J all the time he is probably going to look like me since everyone says it will be a mini him. Lol

Symptoms: Occasional braxton hicks, swelling of feet/legs, shortness of breath, and always hungry.

Wedding rings on or off: They officially went into a safe spot when we were in California.

Happy or moody most of the time: Excited when I think about how close we are. Moody when J still expects me to be able to do everything I use to do. 

Looking forward to: Spending 4th of July with my family. Might be the last holiday without this little one at our side. 

How are we in July already? It feels like yesterday that I was writing my post about our upcoming vacation. Yikes! Well that vacay came and went rather quickly. Boo! Why is it that your actual vacation is gone in a blink of an eye but when your waiting for vacay to come around it seems like a long wait? U need to slow your horses 2015 I am not ready!

We officially got back from our mini vacation last week but it has taken me this long to get back into the groove of reality. It was fun while it lasted, like always, although this time around I was more than ready to come back home. Let's just say I will never take my a/c for granted nor will my pregnant body! Before arriving J and I started talking about how his family might possibly react to my pregnancy. Would they cry? Would they be overjoyed? Or would they just brush it off and say congratulations out of respect? My mind was racing as we got closer to our destination. The only person I truly cared to see a reaction out of was my mother in law. As we happily crossed into California from Arizona I received a text from one of J's sisters. My jaw dropped as I read her text and then repeated it back to J. She didn't start off with small talk either just BAM straight to the point.

From M:

Are you pregnant? I'm asking because I had a dream about you being five months pregnant and my dreams are never wrong?

Me:

That's so weird. When did you have this dream because you aren't the first to tell me this?"

HAHAHA! Did you see what I did there? J said it was best not to answer yes or no to her question and maybe she would drop it. She eventually did but it took some back and forth to convince her I had no idea if I was pregnant or not. I wasn't going to spill the beans now after waiting eight months to tell my mother in law in person. After that we had assumed someone spilled the beans little did I know J had something to do with it. (More on that later, promise) Finally we pull up to my MIL's house and the nerves started kicking in. I had made a present for her incase she waa upset we didn't tell her sooner. It was a frame with two pictures of our son, 4D ones, and one of J & I from our first baby shower. I used that frame to cover my belly as we walked in everyone was in different places so we got the opportunity to see their reaction. The first people we saw were our nephews, his brother, and his cousin. We gave everyone a hug, keep in mind i still had the frame in front of my belly. His brother looked over at J and made a comment about him walking in recording. Then he looks at me and ask why I'm covering my stomach. I removed the frame and his face went from confusion to being shocked then a smile. Right when I revealed our little secret to him my SIL walked out of her room hugged J and quickly turned to me. It took her a bit to realize what was going on then when she finally saw the bump her eyes filled up with tears. She gave me one of the biggest hugs ever and quickly asked if her mom knew. My mother in law was in her room. When she finally came out I was the first person in her sight so I covered my bump again with the frame and when she got closer I handed it to her, she looked down with a big smile on her face. "I knew it! Something told me my prayer had been answered. I assumed this was the surprise my son was talking about." I quickly looked at J and he gave me that stare of oops i might of messed up. LOL! He apparently told his sister he had a surprise for his mom and everyone automatically assumed I was finally pregnant. Regardless that moment was something I would never forget. 

After the surprise was out of the way we all sat down and talked about how the pregnancy has been going etc. They were even more surprise to find out I was already 8 months pregnant. My bump can fool some people, what can I say? My MIL said that during her bible study she asked for everyone to pray for us and for God to protect us on the road. When the man leading the prayer was finishing up he said both of our names then at the very end said "Please protect their baby as well". Hearing those words come out of his mouth she said she knew God had answered her prayer. I immediately got goose bumps when I heard her testament. She's been praying for us for years and never lost faith that He would finally bless us with our miracle. This is actually going to be my MIL's 20th grandchild. YES 20th! Whoa! Although it is her 20th she admitted this little guy is extremely special to her because she has never prayed so much for a child like she has for our son. He is truly a miracle and a great blessing.

As you can imagine this must mean J has a lot of siblings. A total of five sisters, we have one down four to go! On the first Saturday we were there we attended a family BBQ. My attire made everyone question themselves before assuming I was with child. When I was sitting you can obviously tell it was a baby bump but as soon as I stood it was more of a guessing game. One by one greeted me and people would just stare to see if they noticed. Some quickly admitted they were scared to ask in case they were wrong. Then towards the end his sister M arrived she greeted me and was about to walk away when i held her hand and placed it on my belly. Her face lit up like a child receiving candy. She started screaming of joy and said I knew it my dreams have never been wrong! With a big smile I told her "Well...it was slightly wrong since I'm not 5 months I am 8." As always I get the "but ur so tiny comment".

I felt like I could finally breath when everyone officially knew. I was anxious to tell everyone I was FINALLY PREGNANT! Everyone in our families knew about our struggle and the route we had taken to conceive this child. Eventually they stopped asking since they realize it wasnt happening. Dont get me wrong even though people knew we still got those unnecessary comments.

- Its about time!
- Might as well have the next one after this one pops out
- I was beginning to think you two didnt want kids

All I could do is brush those comments off because I knew it was pointless to try and explain our situation. J on the other hand did not hold back he immediately reminded people of my miscarriages and that we are grateful to be at the point we are today. That's why I love that man! 

We all gathered for some family photos. First picture is of all of Js siblings and my MIL except for one sister. Second picture is of everyone as u can see lots and lots of grandkids! 

There's more I want to share about our vacation but this post is long enough. I'll separate them so they won't be so boring.

I wanted to write a quick update before I was off on vacay. I initially wanted to write a post on J's bday but never got to it. I honestly thought people were exaggerating when they said they were exhausted. Jokes on me! Although I can easily nap after work I choose not to because I know I wont sleep at night.

J's birthday was on June 1st, Happy 26th Birthday hun! Since we are going on a long vacation J decided on dinner and a little gathering afterwards at my brother's house. Of course they stayed up late drinking while this chick called it a night around 1:30 AM. Again exhaustion is my BFF lately.

My Baby Niece was also invited.

They enjoyed their seafood appetizers while I just watched and ate chips. Not really a fan of seafood anyways. Our actual dinners were Mexican food. You can bet I stuffed my face with that. The heartburn was well worth it. Prior to us going to dinner we attended a kids birthday party. It was a Frozen theme which my niece enjoyed very much. We arrived late but apparently the princesses were their and they were singing. I have never watched Frozen so I dont know these peeps by name.

She wanted a snowflake too but her face was too small.

Prior to J's birthday my family was coming down to visit us from Cali. I know I mention some came during Mother's Day weekend and attended my baby shower but there was also other family I never got around to posting about. Its always nice to spend time with family you haven't seen in a while. We attempted to show my cousin around while she was here as much as we could since it was pouring at times.

As you can tell we enjoy photo-bombing each others pictures and being silly. Definitely a memorable weekend for her and us. Another cool thing I got to do was watch my niece's first birthday photo shoot. I snapped my own pictures of her while I was there cause I thought she looked adorable. She wasn't too fond of her cake, it actually looked like she didn't like how it felt in her hands. Bahaha!

On to my favorite part of this post.....

DRUM ROLL PLEASE

We got see our sweet little boy on Saturday. Its oddly amazing on how much detail there is. He was of course smiling then instantly frowning as if he caught himself laughing. Very cute if u ask me! We decided to of course share this experience with our family. My mother, Grandparents, Brother, SIL, and two of my nieces. My father was not in town so I immediately sent him pictures when we got out. He will be watching the video once he gets home. We couldn't decide who he would look like the most and then I stumbled upon a picture of J when he was a toddler. Am I crazy to see a resemblance?? J and I both agreed he also looked a lot like his nephew. We will see what my SIL says when she sees the photos and video.

Well at last I will leave u with a bump pic. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Everyone who is still waiting on their miracle I am always praying for you. For those who are currently expecting you are also constantly in my prayers.