Enlighten me please...

How do I even begin this post? Should I be optimistic or drown myself in sorrow? I can't even begin to understand this whole struggle. Or why things happen the way they do. Conception isn't suppose to be this difficult. It's a natural way of life. So why is it that more and more couples are having a difficult time conceiving naturally?

In the morning as I arose, my thoughts began to wonder. Wonder if I should go through with this. Calmly I got in the shower got ready and left to my appt. I took a 500 mg of Bayers. As I entered the clinic I notified them I was there 5 minutes later I was in the examination room getting ready for Dr. M. Keep in mind this is the second time I see my RE. He happily greeted me and ask how I was. My nerves had to be in total control because he asked if I had taken a valium. I replied "No" with a bit of a confusion. Should I have? He said I seemed calm so I should be fine. Let me tell you, that procedure was tormenting. If I could get through that then my pain tolerance is extremely high. The nurse kept telling me to take deep breaths. After the procedure was done she asked if I wanted a valium for my HSG. I simply responded with no I'll be fine. She looked at me with a questionable stare and ask if I was sure. I'm not a big fan of taking pills and if I was able to endure this procedure than the HSG should be less intense.

A couple hours later I arrived at my HSG appointment. Good news! I didn't have to pay again. Bad news... They still couldn't perform the HSG. My RE told me to tell the radiologist that my cervix was to my right and up towards my bladder. The radiologist said he saw that and he also saw where he dilated but he just couldn't get the catheter through. This was a different radiologist than last time and they both had the same issue. I just couldn't understand how my doctor was able to get in there as quick as he did. He did check if he can get through my cervix before he dilated me. The radiologist wasn't  even succeessful at dilating me further.

I'm a bit upset, frustrated, scared, and clueless on what is next for me in this journey. The nurse at my RE's office told me that they might have to sedate me and do the procedure that way. She couldn't give me a definate answer since Dr. M has to read the report first. Being sedated is not something I want to do. I told DH that I don't think I could take this anymore. I had to endure with tormenting pain today to get no results. If I go through with surgery to have the HSG done I'm going to be in extreme pain afterwards. I still haven't stopped bleeding from just being dilated and the attempt of the HSG. It's like having AF all over again. I want to remain optimistic, I really do. I just don't know if I can.

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  1. Jojo, I just want to give you a great, big hug! I am so incredibly sorry for this horrible process. I just don't understand why as professionals they can't get this done and keep putting you through this. I'll be honest, at this point I think you should go with sedation because of this second horrible experience, you will probably really be unable to relax at all a third time and that will make your body harder to cooperate. I had an hysteroscopy and I was not happy to be knocked out, but the procedure hardly took any time and the pain was minimal since my body wasn't rigid or anything. Isn't this horrible what we have to deal with for the CHANCE to become parents??? Just a chance, a glimmer of hope that something might work. It's so horribly unfair. *hugs* girl.

    1. Amber, thank you for responding. I was so convinced that I wouldn't go through sedation if I had to, but with your response it made me change my mind. DH says he wouldn't allow me to go under sedation because he worries what my mother would think. LOL he is hilarious. We will see what the Dr. M recommends.

  2. Yikes. You poor thing. How very scary. I hope that the next time they try goes much smoother. Thinking of you!