Seems like my days are flying by lately, which is great during the 2ww but horrible because next thing I know my HW assignments are due. =( Bummer! But hey I at least get them in on time except for my exam. I was so bummed out that I completely missed my first exam that I didnt even want to find excuses to tell my professor. I realized that in the end it was my responsibility to do it and have the dates correct. I sent him an email simply apologizing for not doing it and that I take full responsibility for it and BAM he allowed me to take it. I was so excited that I forgot to email him back saying thanks. Never again I need to duly all these important dates that have nothing to do with TTC.WHERE IS YOUR HEAD AT JOJO???!!! Oh yeah, stuck on wondering if this worked or what we will do next if it didn't. Also thinking that I need to buy more OPKs and HPT because I am completely running out of HPT with this trigger not leaving my system.

I am currently 10DPT and I am still getting the squintiest faint line on the HPT. I literately have to wait the full 3 + minutes for it to clear out completely so I can see it. Once I compare it to previous ones you can definitely still see it. J thought I was going insane because he wasn't seeing it, once he put it up against the previous ones hes like "Oh yeah its still there. When is it going away? When are you going to find out?" Well sweetie these are some of the same questions I ask myself as well. Be patient. I had my 7DPIUI blood work done today and since I have the amazing capability to log in to see the lab results I logged in twice. The second time I saw 2 new lab results they were as followed: Progesterone 33.1 and E2 230. I know my Dr wants to see P readings of 20 or higher so I knew I wasn't going to be prescribed P. As for E2 I really dont know what that is for. The nurse called a good 3 hrs later and left me a voicemail stating my results are looking beautiful and I dont need any further medication for now. I go back next thursday on the 7th of March for additional arm poking. They are never successful with my right arm. So my left arm always gets all the poking. Sooorry my friend you should tell your other arm-friend not to be shy.

Yesterday I felt some uncomfortable discomfort. I had lower back pain going down my thighs with some slight uterine cramping. It caused me to go lay down because I just wasn't feeling up for anything since the feeling of AF starting to make her appearance wasn't very pleasing. The pain has subsided but I did experience a temp dip this morning from 98.4 to 97.97. I am afraid AF may show early since that feeling is still there. My breast are starting to feel tender again. PMS go away!! I broke out in the worst day ever. We had an event at work today to meet the owner of the company who is traveling all around America to greet his wonderful employees. Its funny that they tell you that because only a few are selected to attend and of course have to be selected by management. Well I was one of the lucky ones that got pre selected to be a part of an event with 1000 other people. It was a nice distraction from work I have to admit that. No work for an hour and a half was awesome. It just blew my mind how people went from being so professional to acting like major GROUPIES. Wow like seriously he isn't anyone famous, I get it he owns this wonderful we all work for but when have you ever met him besides now. And you told the poor guy you loved him, btw that was priceless his face expression went from smiling to confusion to thinking WTF!

That concludes my day for today besides hitting the books for some major HW catch up.

Yesterday was our first IUI. J & I were talking about it the night before so I can ease the nervousness. I also asked if he will be providing his swimmers there or at home. After talking about it he decided that he would just do it there since we live a good 45 minutes away. I didn't want to worry about if I kept it at body temperature or not. He did his thing and we left to go eat breakfast. After breakfast we just drove around to get to know the area we then realized we were just wasting gas. HAHA! So we decided to go to Marshalls and see what we can find. During this whole time I was worried that I might of already O. My temps havent increased to my usual post O but they have increased since I took the Ovidrel. While we were driving to the clinic I felt pain in my abdomenal area. I seriously had to stop a bit to let the pain subside. I was hoping that they would do one last sonogram to confirm I haven't O yet. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. With J's work schedule we weren't able to squeeze in any BD time past Sunday. So yesterday was exactly 4 days since we last BD. Again since his work schedule is horrible we didnt squeeze in BD time until this am. I am worried that if I did O sooner than my IUI we would have missed it completely. J was upset that I didn't ask about it during the time. I was extremely nervous so it didnt even slip my mind at the moment.

Seeing my DR walk in through that door to perform my IUI was such a relieve! All I kept hearing was Dr. Neal recommended this all the way up to my IUI. So I figured Dr. Martin was out or something, seeing him made me less nervous because I had dealt with him before and I know how he works. Just thinking that Dr. Neal would be doing the procedure frighten me because 1) I dont know if I ever have seen him 2) I dont know his personna. During the IUI Dr Martin asked the nurse for some help since he was having a hard time getting the catheter past my cervix. Afterwards he turned to talk to J and asked him if he knew 40-50% of the time the male is the one with the issue. That they had never put that info out there but with the internet now a days you can find out everything. HAHA! He chuckled a bit and told J you have nothing to worry about though. He then began to explain to him his theory on why the radiologists could not perform the HSG. He says my cervix is tilted towards my bladder but also has a sharp curve to it. He said he knows a good radiologist who can probably perform it on me BUT the thing is my insurance wont allow me to go there. So it will be out-of-pocket expense for us so he pulled out the big guns. He turned around to ask my age. "I have reviewed her X-Rays that were sent to me. Also all her B/W and I don't see an issue with why she isn't getting pregnant." Turns around and looks at me again to ask if I sometimes skip menstruation. I was tempted to say no because lately I have been getting a monthly flow, although in the past I would skip a month. I simply just said yes. "Given her age and her other results coming out fine I suggest you guys consider IVF. We might not be able to determine if my theory is correct but she might have a problem with her tubes. You are both young and nothing else seems to be out of the norm so that is the only thing that comes to mind. Her insurance covers IVF and I honestly believe you guys should take advantage of it. Most employers dont always keep the coverage so why not take advantage of it while you still can." He asked if we had any further questions and left the exam room. Two nurses came in one to tell me how much time I had left and another to talk about IVF. She was really modest about it which made me appreciate her a lot more. First words out of her mouth were, "I told Dr Martin that it is bad karma to talk about IVF when we just did an IUI and dont know the outcome of it. So I am sending you good vibes and will be praying that this is all you need." She did this thing with her hands as if she was sending a miracle into my uterus.

She explained into detail of what the process was and handed us a booklet that contained all the info. Said Dr. Pool wrote the booklet himself so it is directly what they will be doing there at the clinic, so I did not have to google all this. She knows googling is a bad habit for most people because she does it herself. LOL. She can see it in my face that I did not want to go this route. I couldn't think of any questions to ask, maybe cause I was so stunned. J asked most of the questions. He ultimately ask the question that was at the tip of my tongue but couldnt come to my senses to ask. How many injections will she have to take for this process? I bet my face expression was priceless because she laughed and said don't worry about it you will be fine. Believe it or not a lot of women also have the same fear and they come to the clinic for their shots. After two or three we give them they say "Oh I'll just do it myself at home, it's not as bad as I thought it was." She told us that given my age they would only put two embryos back. I didn't ask why but I would guess that since I am still young they believe I won't have a hard time implanting. That is just a guess I really don't know. I will put it in my list of questions if we do decide to go this route.

After we left J asked why I didn't want to consider going through this IF we had to. I told him it wasn't that I didn't want to go this route it was just that I was in denial about my tubes being blocked. All in all I understand what Dr. Martin was saying. We have the coverage for it...our chances are higher...and if they can freeze my embryos for future procedures. Why the hell not? Beats paying out-of-pocket for the HSG if I am only going to find out that his assumptions were true. OR I can find out that everything is clear and try IUIs up to three times and move forward. J is all on board with IVF because he is simply tired of all these appointments and procedures that I am going through. Frankly, I am too. I spoke to my mom about it and she said it was my decision that I should think about it BUT not stress about it. We are still in the waiting game and maybe this is all I needed. I should just see this as an alternative route if we dont achieve what we wanted with the IUI.

All day yesterday I had cramps after the IUI. I was so uncomfortably bloated all day. I thought it would go away soon after but it didnt. I didnt even feel like BD so when the nurse said we had HW I was like PORQUE!? HAHAHA! I am glad we BD this am though, it was slighty uncomfortable but we managed. Now I will be scrutinizing my BBT chart to see when and if I did O.

It seems like my days have been pretty busy and I don't have time for much. I don't know how I have been keeping up with school lately. But seeing that A flash back at me keeps me motivated to work towards the career I love. Work has been hectic lately...to many changes which is causing work overloads for everyone. I am thrilled when I get out of there at 1:45pm. People use to tell me I was crazy for coming in at 5 AM, now they wish they were me. I don't have to deal with anyone until 8AM. Any who, everything seems to be falling into place. My job had became extremely strict on taking days off lately. That I had to go down the FMLA route again. This time everything worked out great...within a week I got my approval. Which was just in time with all my rescheduled sonogram appointments.

Today was my CD17 sonogram and let me tell you I was shocked. On CD15 my dominant follicle was 15mm, only 2mm bigger than CD12 sonogram. I became extremely discouraged that it had only grown 2mm in 3 days! Well in 2 days it grew a whooping 8mm making it 23mm. I guess it was being poky and decided to grow last minute. I was given the go ahead to take the Ovidrel shot tonight at 6:30pm. J was given the option to deliver sample at 7:30am on Thursday or give a sample there at 7:30am. He of course chose to deliver it. We will have to be back at 10:15am to have our IUI performed at 10:30am. Now I don't know if I feel anxious or scared. J doesn't want me to think about it...he says I need to find ways to relax and we will see what happens. It seems like everyone single one of our family members that live in Texas knows what we are going through and I am already dreading the question, "Are you pregnant?"

At first it was just my mom who knew and my cousin. BUT everyone knew we were having trouble conceiving just not that we decided to get help. J isn't a big fan of people knowing even if he isn't the issue. He knows I blog about it and that I participate in forums. He was iffy about my mother knowing but said it was ultimately my decision. After I told him that my mom had asked me in front of my SIL about my appointment...he just said GREAT. At first I was a bit disappointed that it had gotten out but in the end I was kinda grateful. Grateful that I wasn't the one to tell them we went that route. Grateful that even though they know they seem too scared to ask what is going on. My SIL did ask me about my appointment when my mom brought it up but she said it sounded too technical for her. HAHAHA! Thanks for making me feel like a effin experiment. She has three kids, two she conceived while she was still in HS. Then my niece came along when she was in her 20's. I have a good relationship with my SIL but i dont expect her to get what I am going through. How can she? She hasn't had to deal with this emotional rollercoaster herself. I use to get mad when I heard people talk about how easily they fall pregnant and people tell them they are fertile myrtles. Now I just ignore it...i refuse to compare myself to other women. I see this as a way for me to build up my parenting skills. No one is ever prepared to have a child but when you are having difficulties conceiving you long for that child more than when you finally get your wish granted you appreciate it more. I saw it with my cousin and his gf. They tried for a year a some months to get pregnant. They said during that time it was very depressing because they announced to everyone that they were gonna start trying. A year later nothing. They had completely given up alcohol and smoking during this time, she was taking vitamins. She said she had pretty much giving up when my aunt asked her if she had gotten AF yet. Apparently, all three of them had their cycle a week apart. (My aunt, cousin, & her). She said no but to come and think of it she's 2 weeks late. My aunt rushed over to the drug store and bought her a pregnancy test. Sure enough she was pregnant. Her son is one of the smartest kids I have ever met. He reads and he is only 2 years old. There's not one day that I don't see her spending time with her son. So I do believe that when you truly want something and you are having trouble getting it, you tend to appreciate it more.

I can't believe it's monday again. It always seems like weekends fly by. I enjoyed every moment of it though. J took me to the Love & Happiness Tour as a VDay present. I <3 it! There was a little bit of everything. Comedy, Poetry, & music. Being alone and out with J gives me a blissful feeling. During the week I hardly get to see him and it is getting difficult to bare. So when the weekend comes around I think I am a bit much to deal with. HAHAHA! Oh well what can he do? During the event we couldn't help but point out that we were one of the youngest couples there. We had a good laugh about it but J said we just know how to appreciate good music. His face expressions were priceless, he was quite excited to see the Isley Brothers perform. Since I met J he has always been a fan of Old School/ Oldies music. I remember I use to love sundays because I got to listen to Art Laboe's Oldies But Goodies. I was extremely pleased that J & I had that in common. During the concert I saw a part of J that I hadn't seen in a long time. It's been very hard for him to live in a different state and says it doesn't feel the same. I have officially made it my goal to plan out events that J & I can do so we can enjoy our time alone. After all people do say "Enjoy the time now that you don't have kids".

On Sunday we went in for my CD15 sonogram. I don't know how I feel anymore. Trying to stay optimistic but at the time I don't know where my feelings lie. Back on CD12 I had a couple of potential follicles...now I only have one that didn't grow much in 3 days. The nurses face said it all. She couldn't find the words to explain to me what was happening. By her saying "You took 50mg of Clomid this cycle...". I took it as "I don't think your body responded so well to it." She told me to come back in 2 days and see if we saw a mature follicle by then. The doctor wasn't in at the moment so she said we could wait or she will give us a call to confirm that's what he wanted to do. We decided to leave and wait for the call. I was numb at the time...I pretty much zone out. I was glad J agreed to go in there with me this time around. After we left I couldn't bring myself to say anything. J just kept looking at me and finally said "Everything is going to be fine. She said it grew since last time it's just being poky and taking its sweet time. We will be back on Tuesday and they will give us some good news." I smiled because he actually listened and rephrased some of the things I had missed. He actually laughed when I asked if that is what she said. Apperantly I really zoned out and didn't hear anything else but your dominant follicle hasn't matured yet.

I keep feeling twinges on my ovaries and sometimes I feel like they are going to pop. It's difficult to understand why I am feeling like this when the sonogram shows that they arent growing. I need to find a way to relax and wait to see what has "changed" on CD17 sonogram. GOOD NEWS! After going back and forth with my pharmacy/insurance/doctor's office...my insurance finally gave the approval to cover the Ovidrel. BUT (there is always a catch) I couldn't pick it up at the pharmacy. They needed to send it to me, which saved me the ride to the pharmacy, i was just concerned that it wouldnt get here on time. It did it arrived on saturday morning so that is one less thing to worry about. The funny thing is that it made me question why they made a big deal out of it. When you call the customer service line one of the options is infertility. BLEH!

So much has happened today. Where do I start? Well J & I went in for my CD12 sonogram today. All week I have been asking myself what if my body decided to be impotent? Then I continued to tell myself that I couldn't expect much from this sonogram because the fact was I O late during a non medicated cycle. So why would 50mg of Clomid make me O extremely sooner. Hate to say that my intuition was correct. My Drs office has always been very speedy getting you in and out. IDK if it was VDay that everyone was in a giddy mood or they were busy. I got called in, J decided to stick around in the waiting area he said it felt awkward last time he was in there, the nurse took me into the exam room and told me someone will be right with me. I honestly sat there a good 15+ minutes waiting for someone. During this time my mind was going crazy that I just wanted to leave or get it over with. The nurse finally came in and took a look. My linning was 9mm. I had around 4-5 follicles but only two that were 11 & 13mm. The others were either 9mm or 7mm or even smaller. Not even close to 18-22mm. I laid there telling myself I KNEW IT! Took about another 10 minutes for another nurse to come get me and explain to me what is happening. Nurse Elena told me since my follicles were not where they wanted them to be I had to come back. She needed to consult with the Dr to see when. She assured me that I shouldn't worry a lot of women have to come back because the medication takes time to build up. I asked her about the authorization for my Ovidrel and she had no idea so she asked Barbara at the front desk. They were still waiting on a response from my insurance. Elena stated that she had never seen an insurance cover the Ovidrel so if they gave the OK to cover it that would be awesome and the first.

J & I went out for breakfast since I wont see him later tonight until early morning. After breakfast we stopped by and got my mother and myself some flowers. J is taking me to a concert this weekend so I guess our VDay celebration wont happen until then. When I got home my niece was at my mother's house since my SIL was doing something there. She saw that I was leaving and asked if she can go to my house. I said yes but only if mommy said yes. She rushed over to her and asked if she can come to Aunty JoJo's house. The answer was YES. She was super happy cause she asked me not to leave until she can get a response. HAHAHA! I don't have kids so I don't have a toy in the world to give the girl. But she found things to entertain herself with. She played with uncle J until he said goodnight. (He needs his nap before he goes off to work again). She would go back in forth to grandma's house and mine. After a couple hours her mother called for her BUT she came back in the worst time. LOL J & I were trying to squeeze some alone time before he was off to work. I tried to pursued her to leave by pretending I was crying cause I needed a nap, by giving her a dollar, and telling her I will go to her house and jump in the trampoline when I was rejuvenated. SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE. So I was done being the nice aunty and told her I was going to go take a nap and leave her by herself so she can do as she pleases. She yelled numerous times not to leave her. I felt guilty but I had to what I had to do. Once she saw me disappear into my room she left. Poor kiddo!



I finally got a call from Barbara and the pharmacy. B said my insurance gave the approval to cover the medication. Pharmacist said they were declined to supply me with this medication. She said I needed to call some other number to order the medication from them. I was disappointed because they were making this process very difficult. What is the difference of me picking it up and them mailing it out? I called that number and they said they will have my medication delivered by Saturday if that is when I needed it. They just needed to call my Dr and Pharmacy to verify some info and then see how much and IF they were gonna cover it. WTH! I thought you gave my Dr the approval and now your telling me IF your gonna cover it. If your not then I rather pick it up from the pharmacy. It gives me a piece of mind knowing I have it and I dont have to wait for it. Needless to say I am playing the waiting game with them as well. I am suppose to get a call back with all the shipping information. So far I havent heard back from them so I plan to give them another ringer tomorrow. As for my Drs they called me back and said Dr N would like to see me on Sunday. I was originally seeing Dr M but lately I have been hearing Dr N said this. So IDK what is going on there. Wondering if Dr M is on vacation. Either way I have read wonderful reviews on both of them so I trust they know what they are doing. I will go back on Sunday to see if my follicles are matured or not. Hopefully I can trigger and go back Monday for my IUI. J wasnt very pleased to hear that we wont have our IUI until next week. He said he wanted to drink this weekend and now he can't because if he does and his results aren't great he will feel guilty. I am not much of a drinker so this isn't an issue with me. Poor J hopefully not drinking on the weekend doesn't kill his mood. I think this TTC struggle is finally getting to him. I really hope and pray that this IUI is our miracle and we can out our struggles behind us.

I am finally done with Clomid. Quite thankful actually...I wasn't liking the side effects much. My BBT also remained elevated so I didn't bother with it. Yesterday I decided to call ahead of time to the pharmacy to see if they finally received the Ovidrel. (Everyday since I dropped it off they have told me "oh it will get here tomorrow by 12pm") IT FINALLY ARRIVED!! My mind felt a bit relieved knowning it was here on time and I didnt have to stress about it. SMH! Wrong! My insurance wont cover it so they need an authorazation that can take up to 2-4 days more. I have my appointment for the sonogram in 2 days. Which will determine if I need to take the Ovidrel that night or until they feel like I am ready. Since I dont need it right away and the pharmacist said my Drs office has to get approval I figured I give it a shot. If not I can afford to pay the $120 out of pocket. After all my mom is right on saying I need it anyways. I love my mother. She is a very caring woman who doesn't shy away from showing how much she loves her children. She was nice enough to tell me if I needed the money she will gladly pay for it. I just gave her a stare (I am not a little kid anymore) and said "No, it's fine. I can afford it. But thank you."

Yesterday I signed up for a Telesummit on Fertility with Hethir Rodriguez and Sarah Holland. It was extremely interesting and informative. I believe there is one today if you would love to sign up: Click Here I had read Hethir Rodriguez's site before and have found it quite helpful. Now I was not aware that she gained interest in Herbs and natural healings for the body due to her repeating miscarriages. Background stories are always intriguing. Not only because you get to know what someone has been through but how they beat the outcomes. Makes a great inspiration story!

I am not a big fan of Social Networks. I havent had one besides Pinterest since after HS. I dont find an interest in them and it seems like people use it to be cruel or fake a sort of lifestyle. NOW dont get me wrong! Just cause I prefer to stay away from them does not mean I look at people and roll my eyes cause they have one. GREAT WAY TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH FAMILY. Which is why my family keeps bugging me to get one but I say no. Maybe when our family expands I will get one so they can see the kids grow even if they arent near us. With that in mind I am thankful for Voxer. My cousin actually asked me to get it since she's in Germany and doesnt have international calling. I must say I have been enjoying hearing her voice and her lovely pictures she has sent my way. Germany is quite different in weird ways but all in all she says its lovely and doesnt mind living there for another 3 years. I hope to have the pleasure of visiting her in the following years. She has also had trouble conceiving after her 11 week miscarriage. Her first pregnancy was unexpected but she was thrilled. When she lost the baby her expression was kinda hard to read. I tried my best to be there for her but given the distance, at the time she lived in Cali and me in Texas, I could only do so much. She then moved to Atlanta and then off to Germany. Her husband is in the Army so she says theyre still young and being in Germany makes her want to wait to figure out what can be causing it. As for now I use her as moral support she never fails to make me laugh.

Just my luck to get sick on the cycle we are to do IUI. My body has been doing a great job at fighting off any type of sickness. I tend to feel sick at work but once I get home it's like my body goes in recovery mode. I always say I am allergic to work for that reason. But this time around...I wasn't so lucky. I left work on Tuesday knowing I was off Wednesday. I was feeling a bit weak but I thought I would recover. WRONG!! Wednesday morning I woke up congested & with a bodyache. I didnt seem sick because the nurses didn't seem to notice. BUT on the inside I felt like I was dying. I couldn't understand why I didnt have a fever if my whole body felt like it was dying. After my sonogram we had a small talk with another nurse and she handed me our flow sheet and my perscriptions. I was surprise that DH was as involved as he was. He wasnt in the mood to go to the appt in the first place. Which I can understand...poor guy gets home at 2 am then has to be up to be at an appt @ 8am. Luckily when we got home we both took a long nap.

Anywho, once we left from our RE's office we went to the pharmacy to drop off the perscriptions. I thought I would be in and out as usual, but the pharmacist couldn't find the Ovidrel. (She couldnt find it in her computer). She asked another pharmacist and he called my RE and finally they were able to figure out what it said. Um....you could have asked me. She told me they didnt have it there but could order it and I can pick it up tomorrow after 12pm, as for the Clomid it should be right out. There was a long line and I wasnt feeling well so I left. Hey if I have to be back tomorrow why not pick them up together. So I am to take Clomid 50 mg from CD5-9, on CD12 I will go in for my u/s if I have mature follicle(s) 18mm-22mm then I will go home and inject myself with the Ovidrel. Now I am NOT going to inject myself obviously. I am the biggest pussy when it comes to needles. Do you think I will actually have the courage to do it? No way! I will probably look away and that wont end well. DH will be at work so he can't do it. My mother flat out told me she will not do it. I showed her a Youtube video of how to do it and her face expressions were priceless. So who will have the pleasure of injecting me? My aunt/godmother of course. My aunt has plenty of experience with injections so I trust her 100%. She knows of my troubles of TTC so I dont have to do so much explaining on why I need this shot.

I am just praying for a miracle that my body will heal. I woke up to BBT this morning and it was 99. something. When I saw that I was like GREAT! DH got home and the first words that came out of his mouth was "Now you have a fever." He brought me some medicine and put me back to bed. I felt like such a baby but arent those the perks of being with someone who trully loves you? I was able to get up and come to work for the sake of me saving my sick time in case I need it. Hopefully I don't get worst for not staying in bed to recover.

FOR THIS NEW CYCLE HAS BEEN SET. I CALLED MY RE'S OFFICE TODAY TO PAY J'S SA THAT WAS DECLINED BY HIS INSURANCE. WHILE I WAS AT IT I LEFT THE NURSES A VM THAT I WAS ON CD 2. SURPRISINGLY NURSE M CALLED IN A TIMELY MANNER. WE DISCUSSED THE ROUTES I CAN GO. SHE BASICALLY STATED THAT DR. M DIDNT STATE IF HE WANTED TO GIVE THE HSG ANOTHER SHOT. SHE ASKED IF I WANTED TO GIVE IT A THIRD ATTEMPT OR IF I WANTED TO GO WITH A CLOMID CYCLE. I ASKED HER IF THEY PERFORMED FEMVUE AT THEIR CLINIC. SHE WASNT FAMILIAR WITH THIS AT ALL, SHE PLACED ME ON HOLD AND WENT TO GO ASK A DR. WHEN SHE CAME BACK ON THE LINE SHE STATED THAT DR. N SAID THE ONLY THING THEY CAN PERFORM AT THEIR CLINIC WAS NOT TO DETERMINE IF MY TUBES WERE BLOCKED OR NOT. BUT HE KNEW SOME GOOD RADIOLOGIST THAT CAN PERFORM MY HSG. ISSUE: MY INSURANCE WONT COVER IT.

SO WHAT DID WE DECIDE? WE DECIDED TO GO FOR A CLOMID CYCLE + IUI. SHE GAVE ME THE OPTION TO DO TIME INTERCOURSE OR IUI. I DECIDED TO GO WITH THE IUI BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN DOING TIME INTERCOURSE FOR HOW LONG NOW? I THOUGHT I WOULD BE ECSTATIC FOR THIS DAY TO COME BUT TO BE HONEST I AM KINDA SCARED. WHY? I AM SCARED TO SEE THAT IT DIDNT WORK. WHAT WOULD BE OUR NEXT STEP? WOULD I SEE MY HAPPY ENDING IN ALL THIS? J HASNT REALLY SAID MUCH ABOUT IT. I THINK HE FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT IT NOT WORKING. I KNOW I SHOULDN'T EXPECT OUR FIRST IUI TO WORK AND MAYBE THE SECOND OR THIRD TIME WOULD BE A CHARM. I JUST DONT KNOW. I DIDNT HAVE THIS IN MIND FOR THIS CYCLE. I ACTUALLY HAD PURCHASED A FERTILITY CLEANSE TO DO THIS CYCLE. THINKING I WOULDN'T DO MY IUI UNTIL NEXT CYCLE. I COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL NEXT CYCLE TO START MY MEDICATED CYCLE BUT I AM TIRED OF WAITING. MAYBE I AM RUSHING INTO THIS.....UGH!

I NEED TO RELAX AND NOT LET MY FEAR TAKE OVER. POSITIVE THOUGHTS!! WEDNESDAY IS MY SONOGRAM THEN I GET MY PRESCRIPTION AND START TAKING IT CD 5-9. I BELIEVE I DONT REALLY KNOW. I WILL UPDATE ALL THIS ONCE I GO IN TO MY APPOINTMENT.