Full of Emotions

Friday was my appointment for my HSG. I took the valium 45 minutes before my appointment time. I was a bit skeptic on taking it because everyone made it same I would be HIGH or something. (The only time I have seen anyone on valium was on the movie "Death at a funeral") Now I know movie = acting but that still didnt put me at ease. Since my mother was there with me I felt more comfortable taken it. While I waited for them to get the room ready the nurse asked if I wanted someone to wait with me. So I asked my mom to come in and wait. She is still trying to understand this whole process and I wouldn't hold it against her if she doesn't. Just walking in this new location I felt a lot better, not sure if it was the valium or I was really at peace. Even the inside was a lot better than the other one. I layed there basically lifeless not even thinking about if they are going to be able to do it or not. A sense of tranquility ran through my whole body. The Dr even had to ask if I felt what he was doing. The answer to that was no. Good news is that he didn't say those words, "I can't do it." He said my cervix is narrow so he couldnt get the catheter all the way through my cervix only half ways. They made me roll from side to side while taking the x-rays. After the procesure the nurse said that some of the dye might spill out but if it doesn't not to worry it will be absorb by my body and I will pee it out. Bad news is I didn't get the results that same day so I am in wonderland right now. All the Dr said was goodluck to me. Which I can either perceive it as he didn't see anything that is affecting me or he saw something and felt amiss to not say anything. I reached out to one of the nurses to let her know that I didn't get the results and wanted to know before my appointment on Tuesday. She said they usually don't send the report that same day but will keep an eye out so she can reach out to me.

I was expecting to at least get some good news so I can feel content during the weekend. Instead I was a BIG EFFIN MESS! Last cycle I didn't have many s/e from the clomid besides hot flashes. This cycle I was extremely emotional. I don't know if I have been bottling up my emotions lately but they came out for sure this weekend. J was a trooper about it and got me back to were I needed to be. On friday we had a BBQ at my parents house and later that night it got turned into a birthday celebration for one of our friends. Anyhoo, I was already upset about something so pitiful. That when my brother made a smart remark I lashed out on him...which caused someone else to say "Damn I guess its that time of the month." Which got me more infuritated that I lashed out again. J wasn't home from work yet so I felt defenseless. I texted him that I just couldn't stand these people anymore and I wanted to go home. He called me right away that I stepped outside and started sobbing. He calmed me down and told me to ignore everyone and just have a good time. I of course couldn't do that. I went home and J went to talk to me, he convinced me to go sit by him so he can teach me how to play poker. Once the game was over I stuck to him like glue. Then I realized I was probably suffocating him. So I left home again and decided I needed to sleep it off. Like always I couldn't, J finally came home and I vented my ass off while crying. I never ever seen him speak in the manner he did that night. Heck! I knew this journey was tough to deal with and it struck me by surprise to hear him say we are going to be parents. It's no ones business to be asking "what's wrong with me?" "Is what you guys going through affecting her?" etc. Apperantly people are asking J about our treatment and he refuses to talk about it. So the next day I asked my mom if I was out of hand? Bitchy? She told me I was in my right sense to say the things I said to not worry about it. She had spoken to my younger brother about watching what he says or the way he says things because he sounds demanding sometimes. Ofcourse after my emotional breakdown some of my family member who I vented to decided to check up on me to make sure I was feeling better. Needless to say I was doing A-OK the next morning.

That same day I found out my SIL was not expecting after all. She just had her IUD removed in January and is now actively trying. Since then she hadn't had a menstrual cycle so she assumed she was pregnant. B/W and ultrasound confirmed its just a hormonal imbalance. I can't say I am happy about this...I don't wish infertility on anyone. I told her that since she didn't have a menstrual cycle while using the IUD that she might want to use Vitex to regulate her cycle. She thanked me for giving her the advice but I know deep down inside she is not going to go get it. Why would she listen to an infertile person like moi? eh? Oh well I attempted to help.

Crossing my fingers that I hear something today about my HSG results! If not then by tomorrows appointment.
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home


  1. Yay! So glad the HSG went off without a hitch finally! Don't worry just because they didn't give you your results. They aren't allowed to give you your results. That is the job of your RE once they pass the results along. It sounds like everything was probably free and clear because if there was a blockage you would have felt it...even on a valium. Hoping you get the results quickly and that you can breathe a sigh of relief once you do!

  2. I agree with Em. I found out my results right away but that is because my RE did my HSG himself. Hope everything ends up all clear.

  3. Glad everything went OK this time with your HSG!! Thinking of you! xo

  4. So happy hear to that it went good. Hope all is clear and you are one step closer in the process.