Possibly Switching

Contemplating if I should get up and end my relationship with my current RE has been on my mine since my first failed cycle. Sometimes I wonder what relationship I am referring to. Its not like he has taken the time to sit down with me besides that one day of consultation and the day of my 1st IUI to say he wants us to go to IVF. I was in denial to think things were going great at this office. Frankly, I was blinded because I am so young and I can't comprehend half of the shit that is going on in my body. Sure I may know a lot more than young ladies my age but it doesn't make me smarter. I know what I have read, what my DRs have pointed out. But what have they really pointed out??? That I can't get pregnant? I remember reviewing my medical records on my insurance site and thats when i saw it. INFERTILE! Yup they labeled me as INFERTILE. Its like they wanted to shove it in my face so it can sink in that I am truly in fact disfunctional. THANKS!!

I am learning little by little to embrace the fact that this is a part of who I am. I could not hide the fact that I may feel broken sometimes because of it. But I refuse to let it hold me back from what I can actually control. Finally being open about what I am going through when people ask has been a great relieve. I feel like I can breath again. Now dont get me wrong I dont sit there explaining my issues or what I am going through with infatuation BUT I at least say, "Yes I am seeking treatment from a specialist that can help me get knocked up." Adding to that note, I also add that I will greatly appreciate it if they gave us some privacy with this matter. Not to be rude...I just know they really don't care to understand.

Anywho, so off topic, after my experience with my 2nd IUI I just couldnt stop thinking that I was not in the right hands. I am not going to say my RE is not a good Dr cause he might very well be. He just isn't what I need right now. I don't feel like he takes the time to explain things to me, I don't like the fact that the only BW i ever get done is 7DPO and BETA. Sure my hormones were ok when I first saw you, how many months ago was that?? OH YEAH ALMOST 6 MONTHS AGO. Another think that discouraged me was that one of the nurses flat out told me he is wanting me to go through IVF because I have such great insurance. SMH! Is that why you are being so careless of my treatment now? In hopes that it fails and you will send me right into IVF?? Ridiculous!

I was feeling a bit down yesterday. Thinking that if I go into IVF and I get my miracle(s) then what about in the future when I get this angs to have another. Will I have to go through this again because of my blocked tube?? It just doesnt sound logical to me that they flat out tell me "Your left tube is blocked but everything else is normal." So if I have one good tube and a normal uterus why havent I gotten pregnant?? I have heard of women born with one ovary and they conceive naturally. They have confirmed that I do indeed O from my right ovary on my own...so again there has to be more to it. Makes me wonder if my tube is leaking causing implantation issues. Since I wasn't satisfied with the way I was treated this past Sunday I became a mad woman and searched the web for new REs. Sure their office came up a good few times although I did not find actual reviews from people speaking about their experience. I found one negative review. I became dishearten that my search was coming to a halt. Then BAM! I found an office that is about 7 minutes away from my job. Not only that it is considered IN NETWORK with my insurance as well. It gets better one of their REs has a specialty in TUBAL FACTOR issues (and shes a female which I love!!). Must be a sign. J wasn't fond of the idea of me switching...he fears that he has to go through all these questions again. I told him to relax he is not the issue so if they need his presence I will let him know. I still have not called to make an appointment because I feel like I am getting ahead of myself. I was planning to take a break next month to let my brothers wedding past by and we can save money to pay for IVF if need be. Since J wasnt so for the idea I expressed my concerns to my mom. Like always she knew how to enlighten me with her words. She was all on board with me getting a second opinion. Surprisingly she agrees that them just plain ol telling me its block doesnt give us a reason why or with what. Is it reversable?? One good tube should have ended in a pregnancy by now so whats the issue. Now I just have to pick up that cell to make the call.